How do I bring this issue up with our neighbours?

I don’t think asking if yours is too loud is useful because if they are deaf they ll say ‘no it’s fine thanks’ 🤣
I hope your ‘easing in’ way has helped but sometimes you do have to be a bit more direct, while still being kind and considerate
‘I wonder if you can help me’ kinda line is not confrontational but puts the onus on them to offer changes and makes them feel they are doing you a favour, and that can go for anything an overgrown hedge , loud tv, car in wrong place, just anything I think it is a kind way of asking.

My 100 year old mother-in-law bought a new TV and didn't want to put it on the wall.

She bought a great wooden swivelling TV stand for it so she could watch it easily wherever she chose to sit in her sitting/ dining room.

Thought I'd just share it here.
She loved it and she chose a colour that matched her Danish mid-century furniture.

At least you've mentioned it to your neighbours and all is still amicable. Next time you speak to them, maybe offer to set their TV up with permanent subtitles, they may not know how to do it or even that it is available. Otherwise, you may find that the volume gets louder again as time goes on.

jakuss

I dont think many 80 year olds put a tele on the way, they are deaf and dont realise it

"put a tele on the way"?

Tenko

Just mention politely that you can hear their TV through the walls. My mum lives in a retirement apartment complex and a few years ago she bumped into the neighbour above her. This neighbour mentioned that mums tv was quite loud . Mum hadn’t been wearing her hearing aids because they kept falling out .
So with your neighbours , it could be hearing issues .

I live in a retirement flats complex and the majority of residents have hard-of-hearing problems including the lady in the flat opposite who's TV is often pretty darn loud.

The complex manager told me that she has hearing aids but "won't bloody wear them even though her son paid a lot for them - she says he wasted his money and it's cheaper to turn the sound up. What can I do with someone who's just determined to be awkward?"

Indeed......

AskAlice

Just to add, I did ask if they could hear our TV, as it is sited on the chimney breast adjoining their living room wall. She assured me they couldn't.

My neighbour used to dig milk bottles into her garden and put bleach in them to deter my cats from digging I think ( it was a long time ago and I’m questioning my memory about it…also not sure if it worked!)

Just to add, I did ask if they could hear our TV, as it is sited on the chimney breast adjoining their living room wall. She assured me they couldn't.

Update: I spoke to my neighbour yesterday when I saw her in her front garden. We chatted about plants, flowers, family etc. and then I just asked casually if they had had a re-organisation in their living room as I had noticed the sound of their TV recently and as I had not heard it before I was a bit puzzled. I did say that it wasn't terribly intrusive but still noticeable.

She said that they had not moved it at all, but she would keep it in mind and make sure it was not turned up too loud.

All very amicable, and we then chatted about other things, including how to keep cats from digging up our newly planted/sown plants!

I hate any sort of confrontation or awkwardness if it can be avoided, but am glad that I spoke to her - at least they are aware of it now and we are still friends!

Thanks all for your help.

Good result!
Hope it stays like that.
🤞

It happened with my neighbours. I just said nicely that I could hear the TV really loudly through my wall. I don't know if they resited it or just turned it down. It's been fine since. I did also check that nothing of mine was causing them problems

I am quite deaf these days and have a device that plugs into the tv which enables me to hear the sound through my hearing aids without it bothering my DH. I recommend it to anyone with hearing problems.

I wouldn't mention loud conversations.
I don't think that's the issue here and it muddies the water a bit.

Perhaps you can ask them as part of your conversation"By the way (with a quizzical grin) do you know that loud conversations and loud TVs go right through our shared wall?"

Bite the bullet and knock on their door.
How can they know if the TV is disturbing you if you don't tell them?

I would be mortified if I thought my noise was driving someone mad!

Years ago when we had 3 small boys and lived in a semi, I only met my very polite Spinster schoolteacher neighbour over the garden fence. She refused all invitations and never invited us in until our house was on the market. I was invited in for a glass of sherry. I could hear practically every word through the adjoining wall. Luckily it was just boisterous boys.
She must have been so pleased to see us go. Mind you the people we sold to had kids too.

Our new TV doesn't have a soundbar but isn'ton the wall.... maybe I should get one anyway?

Maybe it's actually a new TV and they haven't invested in a sound bar?

I noticed that most new TVs have the speakers at the back.
I expect this is for entirely aesthetic reasons - to make the front slim and clean looking.
If they have also wall mounted it on the party wall I expect this will intensify the problem.

I wouldn't ask about your own TV noise unless as an "afterthought" - they are almost certainly bound to say no they don't hear it - or possibly that they don't mind it!

We hear next door's karaoke - but it's only once every six weeks or so - sufficiently infrequent enough not to matter.

I agree with whoever said that a letter would NOT be a good idea- however carefuly it was written it would make it very different and quite confrontational as opposed to a quiet friendly word

And , as an octogenarian, who wears hearing aids and lives in a semi detached house, I'm well aware that it is difficult to know how loud my TV is. It's not on the wall but it is placed quite near to the wall. I don;t see my neighbours much, as they are out most of the day, but I have occasionally just mentioned that I would totally understand if they told me that my TV was rather loud. Hopefully not, as I do have the subtitles on practically all the time.

Try to avoid any unpleasantness or disagreement with your neighbours .
It could be that they are deaf -but it's come on rather suddenly .
I imagine that they've moved their TV .

I'd take something round and say I've bought too many biscuits or would you like this plant ?
Make it casual and friendly .
And politely mention that their TV is a little too loud for you .
If pressed then it gives you a headache.

Hopefully the remedy will go down nicely with a little sweetener.

Honesty is always the best policy. Have a chat and explain as you have here. My husband has tinnitus. I think our volumes are ok but certainly wouldn’t be offended if our adjoining neighbour said they were. We’d work to find a way around it that suited both.

I would ask them if they can hear yours and then hope that they ask if you can hear theirs.Perhaps ask them if they watched something you watched the night before……

Ameliaw It’s so thought provoking, neighbourly issues isn’t it? My elderly but super fit and super strong nervous (lifts big pots full of soil!😂) For the last 14 months (I’m the new girl here) I’ve picked up her cats poo. It’s a communal bed and this puss does whopping great dog size poos!

That’s really awkward for you. I can’t think that 5hey are deliberately annoying you so agree with others that you should speak kindly to them about it. As a short term fix you could suggest noise cancelling ear buds for them, or for yourselves. Good luck.

Don't write. The bloke next door to us (can't bring myself to call him a neighbour) does this all the time. Really annoys us when a quick chat can resolve so much. He did this first when we had to leave our just pre covid pup on its own for the first time when I had a hospital appointment for a cancer diagnosis and she had been barking. He wrote us a note, reported us to police, RSPCA and council but didn't have the guts to speak to us in person.

Pop round with a box of chocs or flowers to lessen the query of noise

Please let us know how you get on with speaking to your neighbour.
I hope all goes well.