Supporting adult children financially

I agree with others who say your DH should have discussed it with you and not in front of your DD who may well feel embarrassed about it.
You must have saved her thousands over the years, the cost of pre-school child care being what it is and tough as it may be, as adults, they have to stand on their own two feet and budget like everyone else.
I don't want to add to your problems but please save whatever you can for your retirement. I do not have a private pension and coping on the State pension is tricky and tiring to say the least. Don't be too hasty to pay out as you may regret it later on when you are counting the pennies.

Oil has always fluctuated. I looked today and I think it is lower than in 2010 when we had that horrible cold winter. Though I may be wrong. You can have payment plans with local oil companies or companies such as boiler juice where you pay monthly in advance. Hasn't she been doing this?

I agree with J52
Give your children as much as you can afford, without depriving yourself. This will lessen the IHT and your children may not have to pay anything at all, depending on your assets.

Your DH should have deferred to you. What he did was unfair and pre-emptive. I hope if the benefits are enough that your DD will pay you back, or knows at least that you expect her to.

Cossy

You’re not mean, your DH should have discussed this with you first before offering.

Your DD will have to make her own arrangements and plan accordingly.

It’s tough for many of us, don’t be guilty for being honest

Exactly, and retiring with no private pension must be a worry.

It was just being discussed on the radio. The price of oil has tripled, but the government pay out of £100 is only for those on benefits, whereas everyone that needs heating oil will be feeling the pinch.

Your DH is not looking at the bigger picture here, as you both get older you will need any money you have saved for your own well-being, I mean the NHS is bad enough today but who knows how bad it will be ten years from now?? There could be the need to go privately occasionally. And as you get even older you might have to pay for day to day care. Not nice to think about but then just before we retired I never thought that my DH would have a massive stroke in his mid seventies and I would be caring for him full time. When you retire you want to be able to pay for whatever you enjoy doing because life is too short.
We have helped our own family members financially but have had to stop doing that now, and they understand that perfectly.
So don’t feel bad about saying you can’t help your DD with this, being honest is the best policy and won’t lead to any misunderstandings later if they ask for any more help.
All the best.

You should not feel guilty at all. Helping adult children is all very well, if you can afford to do it and if over time it reduces the inheritance tax bill.
Otherwise, do not put yourself in a difficult position, it sounds like you give a lot of support already.

You’re not mean, your DH should have discussed this with you first before offering.

Your DD will have to make her own arrangements and plan accordingly.

It’s tough for many of us, don’t be guilty for being honest

www.gov.uk/government/news/over-50-million-to-help-families-struggling-with-soaring-heating-oil-costs

From 1st April via local authorities.