Get to the bottom of this!

Honestly I'm happy to do whatever she wants, she just needs to be honest with me!
I think she was sitting in the bath letting the water out so she could get out safely using the non slip mat thing.
My FIL had his bath removed and a walk in shower in it's place. No real mess or new tiles etc. I've told her this too.

I know plenty of people who have had falls in the bath. Or bathroom.

A tin bath actually sounds quite appealing!

I have been looking on Rightmove lately. Not for myself.
Saw one bathroom with what looked like a sunken bath[no use at all to the op I presume].
I couldnt decide if they are a great idea. Or an awful one.

Thanks lemsip but my friends and family would most certainly tell me.

I have a shower over the bath but occasionally I fancy a bath. I had a rotten head cold and decided a long soak in the bath would help me feel better but I was feeling really weak and struggled to get out. This is an interesting topic
and I will consider having a walk-in shower and a non- slip floor in the bathroom. Meantime 50 squats a day to improve hip flexibility! . Oh and I think those non-slip bath mats can be dangerous. I had one and it slipped and I went flying!

My friend loves her bath but at 85/she was finding it difficult to get out. She has now got an electric sort of seat that lowers her gently in and out of the bath. She finds it very easy to use. We took ourvbath out as we never used it and now we have a beautiful, really big, walk-in shower.

I mentioned to my DH that his very independent auntie smelt odd some years ago. There was always washing out and she looked presentable as well as being fully mobile. I didn’t give it a second thought to be honest I saw her weekly we were quite close so I thought. She suddenly told me she was losing blood I immediately took her to the local Walk-in centre it was suggested that I take her to hospital.
I was totally shocked when the doctor who examined her told me her body was filthy. It was obvious she had not showered for months. It turned out she knew she had terminal cancer and just gave up it was very upsetting. The fact that I was close to her but did not know if I did I could have cared for her it broke my heart. She just kept it to herself how I wish I should have questioned the smell sooner.

Oh and I think those non-slip bath mats can be dangerous. I had one and it slipped and I went flying!

So did someone[middle aged ish] that I know.
She said that hers needed cleaning[not at all meaning yours did].
I think it being a non slip mat gave her a false sense of security in her case.

After hip surgery I felt very unsafe if I didn’t have a shower/bathmat.
If we went away I would either take my own or ask the hotel for one, especially if I had to use a shower.
There are some which stick onto the shower floor and don’t move.

Just to say be careful if getting a shower stool. I have what looks like a very sturdy one with arms, but if you lean on just one arm it tips over ...

It's not being lazy, the skin is so fragile with not enough oil in it that it's really quite painful to wash, same can be said of the hair.

Just be upfront with her. "Mum, I've noticed your bath has not been used recently, I'm going to help you bath when I visit'. Don't give her (much of) a choice, as she may try to refuse. For some it is too overwhelming to do the whole get undressed, bathe, dry, redress routine. They take what they see as the easy option, not wanting to bother you. She may have enjoyed a leisurely wallow in beautifully warm water, she may have read in the bath, or listened to the radio. You could turn it into a pampering treat for you both to enjoy. Remember the many times she will have sat next to you in your bath and return her love.

ps There is an elderly person's smell that I read about, nothing to do with hygiene but called 2-nonenal odour, it's an actual 'thing'.

In my experience the sooner you tackle these issues with aging parents, or anyone else, the better.

Neither of my parents realised they were no longer safe drivers, so we had the thankless task of pointing this out to them. This is just as hard as asking why they don't wash properly.

You can offer help, but if it is turned down, the time comes when you have to insist.

Unpleasant, but necessary. Problably a son or daughter-in-law will be heard where a son or daughter is not, (You are my child, so I know best). In-laws were adults when our parents met them.

If that does not work, enlist the aid of a contemporary of your parents. They probably have some of the same problems, so may be listened to, when we are not.

I did the same with my mother inasmuch as we picked her up to come to us. I stripped her bed collected her washing and did all that at mine. She was definitely scared of not being able to get out of her bath, so washed at the sink, but loved her bath and hairwash followed by a Sunday meal at our house before I drive her back, made up her clean bed and put the rest of her washing away.

Giving her the experience of a luxury bath with you in attendance, is just so kind, Posters.

I go for days without having a shower or washing my hair but its purely because I don't see the point, if I'm not going out.

I think we are a society obsessed with cleanliness. It was quite normal for most people to have a once a week 'bathnight.'

I would also not feel clean if all I did was stripwash- this seems much harder work than turning on a shower to me.

I would be horrified if anyone bought me a pack of big wipes too!

If OPs mum has mobility issues then getting wet-room installed is relatively easy (my neighbour has one and she still drives and walks her dog every day). Your local council can advise you on this. Grants are often available.

I wouldn't insist on helping her to shower either- I would rather have someone come in who designated job is to do this, because there is skill involved in getting people in and out of baths safely.

I feel a little sorry for this person, really- she is clearly happy to be making the choices she's making.

If my kids came round and told me I smelled I'd just turn round and say well, so do you!
.

well over 20 years ago, we decided to get a shower put in and the bath taken out, as my O H thought we would struggle with the bath as we got older. I went to stay at my daughters for a week a couple of years ago when they went on holiday, to look after the dog, I decided one morning to have a bath, and couldn't get back out, it took ages trying to get from my knees to a standing position....for someone living alone it can be frightening

I totally agree with pp about the difficulties of getting out of the bath. My aunt was stuck for a considerable time as she was unable to call for help as she lived on her own. A shower is what is needed whether she says yes or no!

Perhaps it's a fear of falling, slipping on the wet floor or shower tray, which is understandable but I also know older people who don't bother as they believe they don't smell. Not all are correct about this

When we were growing up, my mum would have had a fit if she thought that she would ever need help bathing and us seeing her in the nude.

The last few years of her life, (she lived to 92 in her own little flat) I used to go about three times a week to help her bath, and get ready for bed. My only regret is she sometimes felt she wasn’t properly dry and I used to say “Oh, you are Mum”. Looking back, I bet she did feel a bit damp here and there, and I wish I had been a bit more thoughtful!

A mobile hairdresser came once a week to do her hair.

Oh, we miss our mums when no longer here don’t we, even if they’ve been dead many years.

😢

My friends, ( we are retired nurses) tell me that there is no patient washing now in our local hospital, instead patients are given wipes which when soaked in water go soapy and are used by patients to wash themselves. Sink washes are ok as long as they are thorough, so maybe suggest something like this, as well as asking once a week if she would like a hand with a lovely soak in the bath

Hi I may he wrong here but there may be help advice from help the Aged and Occupational therapy services regarding getting in and out of the bath / shower . I think you can buy bath hoists too . Not much help if the old parent doesn’t want to but my granny and I think my mother usually just had strip washes at the sink . My very elderly aunt once got stuck in the bath and my father had to go round and lift her out !

My elderly mum had never been able to have a bath once we all left home and she was widowed as she suffered from epilepsy so could have had an epileptic fit risking her drowning.
My brother arranged for a walk in shower to be fitted instead of the bath. I was delighted as I much prefer a shower and had difficulty getting out of a bath. Unfortunately when DD and I went to stay we found that the shower could not be set cool enough to stand under - the water was too hot at even the coolest setting! When I mentioned this to mum she claimed it was fine for her. I suspect she never used it and continued to have a strip wash at the sink.
When she eventually moved into sheltered accomodation a carer came a couple of times a week to help her shower in the wetroom in her flat. She would get up early and be dressed on the day the carer came and then say she had forgotten she was due, so not to worry as she was already dressed!
I decided not to challenge her. I lived 200 miles away so couldn't keep an eye on her all the time. There were a couple of occasions when she got infections and ended up in hospital with confusion as a result, probably hygiene related, but most of the time I'm sure her strip washes were adequate. She didn't smell.
Now as I age I'm glad I have a walk in shower in my ensuite. I have never had a bath in this house and only once used the shower over the bath in my bathroom when the boiler broke down as the shower over it is electric. I don't have a shower every day, but hopefully often enough that I'm clean enough and fresh enough. I don't seem to sweat as much as when I was younger and although I still use deodorant I sometimes wonder if I really need it. Nowadays clothes get washed due to spillages rather than because they smell sweaty. Perhaps your mum has noticed similar changes but allowed things to go too far!

I have a shower over my bath and haven"t been able to have s bath for years, just a shower. That is getting more difficult so am in the process of replacing the bath with a shower cubicle, plus a seat more grab rails and non slip flooring. Its all being done by a specialist mobility firm. I want to stay as independant as possible for as long as I can, Im 77yr and have ms

Ktsmum

My friends, ( we are retired nurses) tell me that there is no patient washing now in our local hospital, instead patients are given wipes which when soaked in water go soapy and are used by patients to wash themselves. Sink washes are ok as long as they are thorough, so maybe suggest something like this, as well as asking once a week if she would like a hand with a lovely soak in the bath

Oh dear - that sounds more like "NHS economies" to me rather than "better way to do it" !

I'm an advocate of showers myself - ever since I was an au pair in Denmark in the 1970s and duly became a fan of showers (rather than the baths that were the norm in Britain then) and saunas.

I'd put a sauna in my house if I could - but it hasn't got the room. So one of the first things I did on buying current house was rip out the bathroom and put in a modern-size shower (ie big enough for two people). It's only a tiny bathroom (darn it) and so there isn't room for a separate bath too = or I'd have one as well. But I fit that shower in by having it going across wall to wall (across the bathroom window - but hey it's opaque and it's the back end of someone else's huge garden that's the other side of my relevant garden wall).

I could put in a seat if I wanted to and/or a grip rail - but am reluctant to. But - if push came to shove I could do one or both I guess. What I do do is I tried out an idea I saw somewhere (possibly on this board) of having one of those rubber bathmat things one puts on a shower floor. That was not a good idea actually - because I'm the one that does my housework and they do create extra housework. But I did think "Well if my cheapie waterproof flip-flops are good enough to go to saunas/spas with - then I'll try them out". So I just slip on my spa flip-flops before I have a shower and that gives me "grip" on the showerfloor and doesnt create extra housework.