Would you tell someone they smelled

It’s a difficult one if you don’t want to offend the person make out you have a problem and ask for their advice.

We had a cousin who visited us regularly he really did pong. I often bought him shower gift sets for Christmas and birthdays which he clearly didn’t use. He moved house and we don’t see him now thankfully.

I think that is a very good idea

Years ago I had a bad experience at the dentist and stopped going for a long while. After I retired I joined a social group and an exneighbour I hadn't seen for some years came across to welcome me. But as she hugged me I sensed her jump away and the look on her face told me she wasn't comfortable. She made her welcome very short and moved away. I immediately realised something was amiss but my husband said he hadn't noticed anything (typical of him!!). I plucked up courage to find a new dentist and he unfortunately had to remove two teeth and fit a denture but at least the bad breath was resolved.

Also in years gone by I was a smoker. I tried not to smoke indoors and was constantly asking visitors if they could smell anything - to which they all said no. One weekend we had a party and an old friend who hadn't visited for several years walked through the door and immediately said "I see you are still smoking Meg!". A couple of weeks later I overheard a neighbour (who had also come to the party) telling her friends that the party was good, the food excellent, but the smell of tobacco smoke had lingered even on her knickers when she got undressed that night.

So it just shows how more sensitive to smell some people can be and we might be offending people without realising it.

Charity shops do have a distinctive smell not masked by whatever it is they spray around the place. My friend works in a charity shop and her daughter complained she come home smelling of ‘l’eau de Oxfam’. I always think this if I venture in such shops,

This is relevant to something that happened just recently,- giving a neighbour a lift. Phew...
No, I don't think I could tell her and risk hurting her feelings.

I have had to tell someone they smelt.

As the Manager it was down to me. And it was a male. Other staff members refused to work with him as his body odour was so bad.

I ‘hinted’ at Christmas when I brought him and the women gifts of deodorants and bath bits. He accepted the gift graciously saying ‘That will look nice on my bathroom shelf.’ I was hoping he’d use it.

That didn’t work so had to have a quiet word with him. Explained the work we do for part of the day was in an enclosed room with tiny windows and we all sweated in there, and were all suffering, so needed to shower more.

He asked me outright. ‘Are you saying I smell?’ I had to say unfortunately yes.

He said ‘I don’t understand it, I have a shower every morning.’

Then I asked about how often he changed his shirt. He said’ Every two or three days if it’s still clean.’

Had to explain that even though it looked clean, it was collecting sweat all the time, which once exposed to the air was then drying overnight, but getting trapped in the fabric.

He honestly thought if the shirt was clean it was ok to wear for a second or third day. He was in his mid 50s and said ‘My mum always told me it was ok when I was at school so I just stuck with it.’

Felt quite sad for him but things improved rapidly. I think he was grateful I didn’t make it ‘public’ to the rest of the staff.

I worked in an office with all male colleagues. One particular man had a really bad BO problem. One of the men bought 3 lots of Lynx deodorant and placed them in the man’s in tray. Problem solved. Only problem is I can’t stand the smell of Lynx now and it nearly put me off dating my husband because he used it in our first date. Fortunately I gave him another chance and the next date he used Aramis which I loved.

Some years ago a luverly young lady i worked with smelled of body odour.
Everyone was talking behind her back.
I plucked up courage to tell her.
She was not happy but a few weeks thanked me.

The kindest thing would be to tell her in a nice note, if anonymous it would help her save face because it would be so embarassing being told face to face. You'd always wonder if you'd been overheard.

When I was a teenager we had a class mate who was terribly smelly. We decided to find out when his birthday was and to give him a bar of soap as a hint and also, being a bit mean, we hoped he would change his lazy ways. One of the Mums contributed a luxury bar of soap and we all chipped in to pay for it. When we gave it to him , instead of getting offended as we thought, he looked joyful and we were the humbled ones. Looking back I often feel ashamed of being so nasty. Being from a middle class area, we assumed he was too lazy to wash, when in fact he was hideously poor and had no soap. We later found out his Dad was in prison and his Mum had nothing except benefits. Kids can be awful and assumptions can be dreadful.

Adults can be awful too. Always be kind and never assume anything. Could be thyroid meds, could be incontinence. Maybe send a gift with the anonymous kind note? Pads can be expensive. Even the best well turned out people could struggle to afford incontinence pads, or perhaps she just has no idea she smells.

My late partners clothes always smelled stale. I would at times take it home and wash some, he would get hurt and say he did not smell as he washed every day, and he was right he did not smell, but his clothes did. The wardrobes all smelled because the clothes were worn for too long and put away in the wardrobes after each wear. You need to wash your clothes regularly if not every time after wearing them or you/they will pong.

Some people do not respond to subtle. In my job I had to speak to a guy as other staff were refusing to work with him, so I was tactful but firm. Personally, I would so hate it if I smelt and no one told me. Could you steer the conversation subtly, ask her if she has health issues and just say you don’t want to embarrass her but ……. Obviously if she does take offence you may lose her friendship, but you are avoiding her anyway. If she dosent, she may ask for your help. Good luck

I was also tasked to softly tell someone about her smelly hair- you could smell something fried and or spiced when you entered this particular office that saw the public/clients- her 2 colleagues had dropped hints about using dry shampoo.. I eventually went into the office and said who’s been cooking lots of fried chicken in here.. the lady who had the hair problem said no-one.. one of clients laughed and said he wanted some!! Well, it must have worked because the smell had gone and Now I’m always smelling my own hair just in case cooking odours get in my hair😊

Doodledog

One smell that I find really offensive is one of the fabric conditioners. I don't know which one, as (obviously) I don't use it, but its fans seem to soak their clothes in it neat. It is overpowering, and pungent. I hate it. Maybe it's those scent boost things that I've seen advertised.

I feel the same as you do, I find the smell truly awful.
There is even a version which you can spray on dry fabric or upholstery, one visitor we had used it on his suits as he was working away from home and I eventually stopped eating breakfast with him. By the evening the smell had more or less disappeared.

Mt61

My mum was buying clothes from charity shops, they smelled musty, one day I just told her, “you don’t smell like my mum”, it’s not as though she doesn’t have the money to buy From nice shops.. I just can’t stand the smell of those shops

I can't bear that smell either, even fancy "dress agencies" have the tell-tale scent.
Many of my own clothes were in storage for more than a year and developed the same smell, the best way to get rid of it was obviously washing, though some of my "special occasion" clothes are dry clean only. I sprayed these with soft water and a few drops of scented oil, then left them hanging in the spare room. Some needed a couple of sprays, but eventually they were fine.
Even clothes left in a wardrobe can get niffy, so now I've partitioned off part of my largest bedrom to use as an open wardrobe.

An elderly friend developed dementia some years ago and her rooms did smell a little, I dealt with it by asking her lovely carer if she had a urinary infection. She told me that, in her line of work, one tended ignore smells but had my friend checked out and she did have an infection.
Personally I don't think I could tell a friend that she smelt.

Mt61

My mum was buying clothes from charity shops, they smelled musty, one day I just told her, “you don’t smell like my mum”, it’s not as though she doesn’t have the money to buy From nice shops.. I just can’t stand the smell of those shops

Gosh, I love a charity shop and indeed need it on occasions. Please be mindful of scabies.

Was she laundering the clothes once bought?

Just wondering.

My mum was buying clothes from charity shops, they smelled musty, one day I just told her, “you don’t smell like my mum”, it’s not as though she doesn’t have the money to buy From nice shops.. I just can’t stand the smell of those shops

I definitely would tell her - there is no kindness in not doing so.

I would want to know!

And it could be liver or kidneys or medication. Not necessarily urine.

You don't really have many options here, do you?

Either you tell your friend straight out that there is a smell of urine when you are with her, and you know you do not yourself have a problem with incontinence, or you make excuses not to see her and go out with her.

You cannot and should not discuss it with anyone except her, and it shocks me that anyone could suggest you mention the problem to the woman's relatives, as it probably has shocked you.

Obviously, you risk her being hurt or angry if you say anything, but equally she might well feel let down by you, if someone else mentions the problem and you haven't.

So it is really a case of damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

Now I’m feeling totally paranoid because if “people” are unaware that they smell how do “we” know that “we” don’t??!!
(No pun intended with that “we”!)
I worked with a lovely woman who smelled but I couldn’t have hurt her for the world.
This is no help OP but there are some more helpful suggestions on here.

When our children were small, we had a series of wonderful au pairs. One of them, the first of two sisters to spend a year with us , used no deodorant. Our school age children loved her but they noticed that she had BO. As she always spent Sundays with a distant cousin who lived nearby, I mentioned this to the cousin and asked if she could help.

Imagine my embarrassment when the jolly Pilar came home the following Sunday and, hands on hips, said…”Claire…..my cousin’s cousin said you said I smell!” She laughed but I wanted to dig a hole and jump into it! However, the problem was solved and we went shopping for deodorant with the children in tow before Boots closed that Sunday. Our kids remember the event.

Years later, we all attended her wedding, as well as that of the sister who followed her. And we are still in touch.

Allsorts

Your friend may have liver or kidney problems which can cause normal body sweat to smell of urine.

Some perfumes can smell of urine to some people but not to others.

It's a difficult one.

NotSpaghetti

Halitosis can usually be sorted out though - it's caused by bacteria so finding the cause of that is key.
Teeth, kidneys, diet or whatever..

He had beautiful teeth.
I'm surprised the dentist didn't tell him.

Dr John was told by a lady that he smelled. 'No madam', he replied, 'you smell, I stink.'