Concern about neighbour’s child

I dont think I could sit back and do nothing. Maybe an anonymous letter to the school first and then social services? Not sure but it wouldn’t sit well with me.

Speak to the mother about your concerns and offer to help if you want to be involved.

My grandson who is 13 is left home alone for periods during the day at weekends or holidays. He is very sensible, doesn't cook when alone, has keys and we have a fire plan which he knows. He also has his own mobile phone so can call if unsure and if we check in on him He isn't expected to look after younger siblings. He has been doing this since he started secondary school as he often does not want to come out to shops or trips to park with his little brothers and prefers to stay at home playing minecraft with his friends online or reading

I think the approach you have decided is the correct one.
It is possible as well, that he looks 11 or 12, but could be 10, or even 14.

I think there is a risk. Fire comes to mind.

I also would not "be a good neighbour and offer to keep an eye on the boy".
Ok occasionally, but not as often as it appears to be happening.

I should add its not school days and never for long periods.
My understanding is that there is no legal age for leaving a child home alone but common sense should be used

How terrible to see a toddler left alone. This is nothing as serious as that.

The father left only a few months ago, and we’ve known them a few years. I think he is an upset boy, he argues voluably with his mum, while she tries to reason with him, and she’s had trouble getting him into the car to go to school.
He kicks his football really hard and noisily against our dividing fence, I think he’s getting some frustration out.

He’s a polite lad when I speak to him, not rude at all to me.
I wouldn’t contact social services or the school, I think it would cause too much heartache to the neighbour. I would much prefer to speak to her.

Fire is my top fear. . I suppose the best for me would just for the family to know he can come to us if he needs us. The neighbour’s children on the other side came to us if they needed anything when there was a gap between school and parents coming home. They were always locking themselves out!

I used to baby sit for the children on the other side when they were little. I never offered to this particular family though, mainly because I disliked the father so much.
I don’t want to offer to do too much now, just make sure there is a fall back if something goes wrong.

Just to add he does seem to stay at home when his mum’s out, doesn’t roam around, which is a good thing. Also the 5 year old is a happy little soul.

I would say this boy is bunking off, or as it is now called, 'school refusal.' It sounds as though his mother is unaware; he may well go to school, be registered, and then leave. A friend's son did this years ago, following an absence for glandular fever; she thought he had returned to school, the school thought he was still ill, and it was only when they contacted her to ask what exams he should be entered for that she discovered what he was doing.
You do have to make sure the mother is aware, but carefully. As you say, the boy is at home, not roaming the streets, the lesser of two evils, but the school will be aware sooner or later.

As has been noted some 11year olds are reliable enough (and a few people are still asses in their 40s.)

Perhaps just offer your phone number, if there is ever a real emergency?
Then you've let the mum know that you are aware, at least.

I would think his mum does know. Maybe she’s at her wits end to know what to do. Perhaps the lad is very upset at his father leaving . The football kicking does sound like frustration but I’m pleased he’s not rude to you.
Sometimes schools are not helpful in getting school refusals back into the school environment. My DGSs school was next to useless. General advice seemed to be to ignore all bullying and not fight back because you’ll be in trouble. So be called names all day long, be punched and kicked and threatened but just ignore all that and attend school. Easy for them .
I wonder if mum is looking for a new school for him.

i kind of wished i'd been a school refuser, but i assumed probably correctly at the time, that it would just have led to my being sent to a punitive institution.
in OP's scenario, sounds like the mother is well aware of what her son is doing.
i see no real cause for concern.
also just as, if not more, likely to get lured into county lines en route from school.
and they have their recruiters in schools.
surely most secondary age children would know how to react to fire ?

never heard of wagging before.
is that a regional term ?

I have a sometime school refuser here.

It must have been that holiday he had during school time 4 years ago.

I would talk to the mother and ask straight out if the boy is playing truant.

These days I would not invite a child in, nor make him food without his parent's knowledge, sad fact, but that's the way life is now, and going over her head to the school is not going to improve your relationship with your neighbour.

If she knows the boy is skiiving and doesn't know how to tackle it, you could then offer to talk to the boy and tell him he is going the right way to get both himself and his mum into trouble. He probably won't want his mother to be fined for keeping him at home.

Last time I checked parents still are not allowed to keep school-age children at home, unless they are ill, or have the school's permission to be at home.

All that is done now is to tell you not to let your child out and about during school time.
I think things are almost at crisis point.

welbeck

never heard of wagging before.
is that a regional term ?

It derives from “hop the wag” wag being short for waggon and is a slang term for playing truant. It was used in Victorian times and appears in books about the London juvenile court system.

"The two of them had ‘hopped the wag’ from school one afternoon."

I think it’s now used more in Australia than the UK.

I’m still not sure about fire though, wellbeck.
I hope he’s been taught to ‘get out and stay out’, but if he’s alone he might panic.
Many adults react inappropriately and dangerously to fire when panicked.

That's why I suggested making him a sandwich so that if he's hungry he isn't tempted to cook something. All it takes is a carelessly placed tea towel by a gas flame or something metal put in a microwave.

Purplepixie

I dont think I could sit back and do nothing. Maybe an anonymous letter to the school first and then social services? Not sure but it wouldn’t sit well with me.

Anonymous letters? It doesnt sound like this case needs that, just a word with the mum.

If the government wants to get the mums working full time, and the child is older, what's the answer?
Real, practical answer?

General advice seemed to be to ignore all bullying and not fight back because you’ll be in trouble. So be called names all day long, be punched and kicked and threatened but just ignore all that and attend school. Easy for them .

We have exactly the same scenario here with a child I have looked after since reception, plus they've been elbowed in the stomach and knocked to the ground by year 11 pupils, all caught on CCTV.
Child is in year 7 but there's been very little support from school and parents are beside themselves with worry.
Child is currently not attending but is doing school work online at home.
Parents have been trying to arrange transfer to a different school, at the child's request, since last term but the first school haven't done anything about the paperwork.

imagine having to face that at the office or factory every day, yet kids are expected to.
kids, who are generally thought to be more vulnerable than adults.
it's a crazy world.

Maybe a simple ‘hello Freddie ‘ or whatever his name is and ‘ no school today? Is it an inset day’ might provide an answer. You could always mention in passing to mum ‘is it half term?’ When she inevitably replies no, why? You could say you thought it must be because you saw him in the garden…….if she doesn’t know she will follow it up.
At least he’s not roaming the streets getting into trouble poor boy.

If he’s not attending school, mum will be aware. She’ll have a text or an email to say he’s not in. He might have EBSA so mum will probably be going out of her mind with worry trying to get some help from an overworked SENCO. He’s Y7, he’ll be fine by himself whilst she’s at work.

I agree with Esmay. This family needs support not social services. If you are concerned can you offer help?