Do you have to be "The Best"

No I’m not at all competitive, and was always known as a good team player, consequently was generally chosen to lead a team for particular projects, if one was being undertaken, but did like to ensure that the best job was done, and everyone shone.

Now I’m retired I’m relaxed to the point of dozy-ness😄. As far as I’m concerned “that will do” is my guide.

But you do not necessarily have to be competitive to become the team leader or organiser, simply being seen to be good at something, like leading or making decisions.

I was appointed to managerial jobs at work twice because there was a problem in the department and I was considered to be the person most likely to deal with it effectively.

In each case, I applied for a job, so was inevitably in competition with others chosen for interview, although I had, and still have, no idea who they were.

But competitive in the sense of boasting about my children's achievements, no, that is not my scene. I suppose I do not look at the right social media, but it happened even before social media.

Actually, parents who have children who are doing things exceptionally well, exceptionally young, uually keep very quiet about it.

TerriBull

Not competitive at all. So I did find it a shock when as a fairly new mother how vicariously competitive some mothers become through their children. It really seemed to matter to some that their child walked, talked and rode a bike without stabilisers before anyone else's child, that was before they even got into school

Oh god yes - and I think even more so now in the age of social media. I see this all the time with mums trying to outdo one another in what their children are doing.

Aha, and even in teams someone usually has to be the captain, the leader or the organiser to make it work.

Not a bit competitive, but love being a part of things. A serious team player who in that situation goes all the way.

I agree with Hollysteers and experienced similar in the field of dance, particularly ballet.
There it is necessary to be obsessively driven, extremely hard-working, almost pushy, because your productivity or final result depends on it.
Likewise, even say a successful farmer needs to be totally focused and ruthless. Sometimes these kind of personalities come across as maybe more status-seeking, over ambitious and proud, but that is when they excel at their craft.
I am still struggling with the idea that people at the top want to put others down or boss others about though.

Not competitive at all. So I did find it a shock when as a fairly new mother how vicariously competitive some mothers become through their children. It really seemed to matter to some that their child walked, talked and rode a bike without stabilisers before anyone else's child, that was before they even got into school

I feel an unspoken thread, running through this thread of the old-fashioned idea that women should not be competitive. Some how, an admirable woman is one who is perfect in what she does, but prides herself on not being competitive.

Ask a group of men to respond to this thread and the responses would be very different.

silverlining48

My dd wants to shine (and does) but puts a lot of strain on herself in the process but as I age I think good enough is good enough.

I used to be like this as a soloist in the field of unforgiving classical music. Yes, a lot of strain. Hardly ever was a performance completely satisfactory to me. Even on holiday I didn’t relax, studying music. A very competitive field with resentments and politics.
I still love music, but now just perform when and where I want to and happily take a back seat. Solo performing can feel like being in the bullring. Many people in music, sports etc have to be so single minded, only ‘their’ best will do and it’s very wearing, often leading to excessive drinking etc. I’m far more content now.

How strange

🤔

I’m not bothered 😂

I am not competitive at all - although I know a couple of people who are and they seem to find that challenging.

I was very competitive at work and in my academic career and was consequently very stressed most of the time. Now in retirement my main activity is golf and as many famous golfers have said golf teaches you humility. I am very glad to have taken part in competitions and know absolutely that I won't win (I continue however to pay my comp fee to go to someones's else's prize). My satisfaction there comes from not coming bottom.

When I was young I used to play a lot of sports so was very competitive. Aside from that though, I am not. Whatever I do, I like to give it my best shot but that’s for me not anybody else.

No!

I do my best, for myself. I'm a perfectionist. It matters that business numbers are perfect - so I drive myself to be a perfect bookkeeper. I prefer being in the background, not bossing, just managing.

Just happy to know I have done my best.

Being a 'Virgo' means nothing DH and DS are both 'Virgos, and a more untidy disorganised couple it is hard to come across.

If I feel I have something to prove to myself then I am ruthlessly competetive and single minded.

In a former local government career I was "overtaken" by graduates who were eventually promoted over me. I was not very impressed with them or the quality of their degrees. When I finally had the courage to leave the job and go to uni I was determined from day one to get a 1st. I abandoned my friends, family and social life and did nothing but work for the last few months before my finals. In effect I did far more work than was required to achieve my ambition. I could probably have returned to the former role on a senior level but I went into accademia instead.

For other things that mean less to me - well not so much. I am content to jog along and do just about enough to get by. We cant all be brain surgeons, concert pianists or world class athletes. Towards the end of my time in the first job I did what is now called "quiet quitting". I just did what I was paid for and filled up the hours without any intention or wish to be top of my game.

It all depends how much the particular task means to me.

MerylStreep

I’m a Virgo. I can’t help being a perfectionist.

I’m a Virgo but certainly not a perfectionist as in ‘domestic goddess’! It’s accuracy that’s all important to me - I drive my husband nuts!!

My dd wants to shine (and does) but puts a lot of strain on herself in the process but as I age I think good enough is good enough.

I am Virgo I do my upmost to make what I do my perfect. I am not competitive as I am not interested in trying to impress others. Doing a job to the best of my ability is good enough for me.

grannysomerset The most useful lesson I have learned, far too late in life, is that for most things good enough will do.

Me too. Good enough IS good enough - very freeing when that sinks in!

MerylStreep

I’m a Virgo. I can’t help being a perfectionist.

My Mum was the same, also a Virgo.
One of her favourite sayings was, "If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well."

I am the best ! 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️No ,really, I tend to end up in leadership roles because people ask me to. I don’t seek it but I am willing to do it if no one else will. Not always the case- I was really, really shy until I left home. I actually quite enjoy public speaking but I only discovered this well onto my 40 s, before that I would have curled up and died.