Anxiety about daughter giving birth

I felt exactly the same. It's completely normal

My DD gave birth to her first baby almost exactly 3 years ago at the start of Covid. She was in hospital 2 days in labour alone and afraid, My poor SIL sat outside in his car for nearly all the time. She was on the phone to me all the time crying, saying she couldn’t do it. I was so anxious didn’t sleep at all.
SIL was only allowed in the last few hours then he had to leave straight after the birth.
Horrendous time, hopefully this will never happen again.

So glad you posted this as I thought I was only one to have similar anxiety - from day one really but the week or two before the birth I was a bit of a wreck - put on a good act though so no one knew.
I put it down to the fact that my daughter is still ‘my baby’ although I don’t treat her that way at all and she’s a strong, independent capable woman. It’s my issue not hers!
That overwhelming emotion since she was born of fighting tigers for her has never dimmed and I wanted her to have an amazing experience but was aware that for a minority that doesn’t happen. All worked out in the end (although she had an emergency section in the middle of the night which frightened all of us) and now she’s a happy mum with a lovely child.

Ps I paid for private midwife - expensive but money very well spent

My son and his girlfriend are expecting their 1st baby in November, naturally a parent would be feeling anxious but I feel that this is their experience and I can just sit back and hope that all goes ok. No doubt when I had my two boys my own mother must have felt the same way, I have no way of knowing, she never told me or showed if she was very anxious for me. I think the actual birth situation is very scary because we know what’s involved in this but because your daughter hasn’t gone through this before? What she doesn’t know, until the event of giving birth, I’m sure she will let you know after it..

I wasn’t worried for my daughters first
Was invited to the birth
By the time I arrived labour was well underway
My Daughter said that as soon as I walked into her room she just knew that everything would be ok. And it was

It’s just natural, try not to let it spoil the exciting time and keep it to yourself or share with a close friend .

sarahcyn

I’m a doula and I run a bimonthly Zoom course for grandparents to update their knowledge around birth, babies and infant feeding….so I can assure you it is completely normal to be anxious about this!
It’s also quite reasonable. The current NHS system is extremely risk averse, with very high and climbing intervention rates which haven’t achieved their aim of lowering stillbirths (the figures for which have remained static for some time now) When the time comes for my daughters, I’m hoping to be able to dig into savings to pay for private midwives so that they can have a home birth if they want to and have unbiased, informed support if they decide to go into hospital. I’d have loved to have done the same for my daughter in law who had a blatantly unnecessary emergency caesarean 4 years ago. Happily she had a more empowered experience in the birth centre two years later.
One thing I’d add: please try not to let your anxiety feed through to the mother to be. It’s very bad for her. She needs your reassurance and belief.

Two of my four children were home births and one of these, with an experienced and cofident midwife, was fine. The other was not. The second midwife was not happy with home births, even though I'd had one before and there were no problems. She conveyed her fear to me and wanted me to be transferred to hospital even though there was no real need.
You're right to say that a private midwife is a better choice, you know that they're experienced, confident and happy with home births.

My daughter kept being told not to go into hospital because she was speaking too calmly to be near giving birth . She is a calm person and the hospital is 45 minutes drive away . A nurse friend told her to just turn up. Glad she did as so far in labour the baby was born very fast and she lost a lot of blood and had to stay in hospital longer. Sometimes we are right to worry and encourage expectant mums to follow how they feel not what an someone on the phone says.

No I didn't. I regarded it as a natural process that most of us go through. I was with her when she gave birth to her 2nd child. It was tough as she was 9lbs 12, but she was fine. I will say that I did worry as the grandchildren kept coming, but that was worrying that all would be well with the babies. We have 6 strapping, healthy grandchildren now. Try and relax a bit and enjoy the whole process

I’m glad it’s not just me! I was annoyed at myself for worrying so much. The worst bit was when my SIL text to say that my DD was going down for an emergency C Section. I heard nothing for about an hour and a half and I conjured up all sorts of disasters in my head! When the picture pinged of my DD and DGD the feeling of relief was immense.

Hi there
I Completely understand .My Daughter choose to have her second little one at home …It went really well but I was concerned ❤️🤍💙

I was concerned about the birth when my DD was expecting but not excessively so. She was young, strong and I knew her to be a very determined person with a high pain threshold. So I didn’t worry too much with all three. First two-fine. The third was born at just 27 weeks and was very poorly. The birth itself (during Covid) was quick and obviously panicky. My tiny granddaughter came home after nearly three months in hospital only to be re admitted less than a week later with sepsis. She nearly died at birth and subsequently but thank God she survived-a real little fighter- although she has some developmental delays. What my poor daughter went through those months (and her husband too) was truly horrible. I would be terrified if she became pregnant again (and so would she) but I doubt that this will happen after what she suffered.

I was with my eldest daughter during a very long and complicated labour. I was in during her emergency section. I was worried sick for her (she had developed sepsis). She fully recovered and baby was absolutely fine but when she said she was expecting her 2nd baby I was absolutely petrified. This time hubby was there for a textbook planned section. All was well but I was so uptight. I’ve been the same with my other daughter during her pregnancy and labour. Maybe we just know all the things that can go wrong?

I think it’s quite normal to feel concerned especially when you know they’re in labour. I was quite anxious waiting for news about both my daughters and my dil’s but it’s such a special moment when you get the call to say your new grandchild has arrived and all is well. One of my daughters had a traumatic time with her second baby, she had a very quick labour & birth, we had an exited call to say baby was already here and then very shortly after another from my Sil in a shocked state asking me to go straight down. They’d had to take her to theatre as she had a massive haemorrhage that wouldn’t stop, she ended up in HDU and needed blood transfusions but she was fine in a few days, it was an awful worry though.

Yes. It's natural. My daughter didn't tell me she was in labour, but I knew, even though the baby was early. I drove to work with my phone on my knee, thinking I was going to get a phone call or message at any time. I couldn't concentrate at work, checking my phone constantly. Eventually I received a photograph of my grandson. I burst into tears with relief.

I thought the anxiety I felt waiting for my own 3 children was bad enough! But luckily 7 grandchildren later, it did go up a notch when my daughters were all pregnant. Never conveyed! Thank goodness, but the relief with each grandchild was palpable!! It’s natural I would think … neverthe less not always easy xx

I was concerned, but she wanted me there so I was one of her "buddies" along with her DH. I was very worried , but being busy kept me calm. When her baby daughter was born I was overwhelmed with love for them both, and that feeling has remained. That lovely grandchild is ( secretly) my favorite and always will be.

I was very anxious, didn’t sleep all night and had regular updates from her partner. She did end up with a difficult labour and an emergency c section.
Five years later I can say it was all worth it. So yes it’s perfectly normal to feel anxious about someone you love in an uncontrollable situation

For my first GC I wasn't worried-she was my daughter and would cope with anything. She haemorrhaged and we could have lost her but thanks to the great staff in the NHS she was fine. So obviously when the second was on the way I was terrified in case it happened again but beyond making sure my SIL kept me informed every step of the labour I kept it between me and DH. Everything went smoothly and I now have 2 wonderful GC. If she ever decides to have a third I will still be worried, it's what mothers do but I will never let her know. Have faith in your daughter and let us know how it goes. Good luck.

I do think Grandmas’ worries are often not noticed, but you worry twice - for your daughter both physically and mentally should something go wrong, and for your grandchild- but you have to keep it all together. I work in a Children’s Hospice, and feel so terribly sorry for the grandparents who always need to be there with a smile on their faces.

Try to look at it this way: Childbirth has been going on for millions of years and usually all went well. Otherwise none of us would be here, would we?

If your daughter has had a completely normal pregnancy, there is only a very small risk involved.

Were you worried when you were having her? Probably not.

Mothers worry, that I do know, but try not to do so in this instance.

I don’t have any daughters! I wasn’t worried about my d-in-law, because she is a ‘coper’, and was on top of all her choices and so was my son! I was dreadfully worried about my younger niece’s second labour, because she had a grim time, complete with C-section, in her first labour, but the prenatal care she received was excellent, and they did everything possible to ensure that mum and baby were OK. My mum was an ex- midwife and she was very worried when I was pregnant, I think because she was aware of everything that could go wrong, but it was all OK. I hated the experience of giving birth in hospital, and I had the second one at home - I think you’re still entitled to do that if you say it’s your intention.

If your daughter isn’t worried, I’d say that’s probably the best state of mind in which to approach birth!

Mamma7

Ps I paid for private midwife - expensive but money very well spent

Well said!
It’s tragic that maternity care has come to this but it’s still cheaper than having a baby in the States.
I always am amazed that people who spend £30,000 on a wedding with months of preparation don’t consider spending any time, let alone money, preparing for what will be a much more momentous day in their lives.

I've always been careful to keep my worries to myself but yes I did worry for my DD and DDs-in-law. None of them let on that they were in labour thankfully. I was very worried when DD announced she was going for a home birth with DC3. Yes I know she was low risk and had given birth twice with no problems but I thought it was an unnecessary risk. Thankfully all went well.