Was I wrong? What would you do?

It's so sad that people who are genuinely in need miss out because of so many thieves and scammers.

On a different note it upsets me when I drive past children walking home from school in pouring rain or hail in my nice warm car. But if I stopped to offer a lift I know I would probably be arrested just for asking if they would like a lift. In my day someone always stopped if it was raining hard on the way home or to school, but times have changed now with so many weird people out there.

EBS? Is that the 21st century response to the wailing Civil Protection sirens of my childhood, which are being tested on Sunday? We never had to 'evacuate'(?) for the sirens, why should we now evacuate for their replacement.

I lived near Broadmoor for 14 years and had to listen to the wail of the siren at 10.00 every Monday morning. They were discontinued in 2019, replaced by a community alert system. This 'new' system is old hat.

I live in a flood prone area and we have to sign up to a special system to get flood alerts, an automatic warning sent direct to mobile phone will be a real step forward.

Why would she go to a total stranger's house. Surely she would ask her neighbours to help her. I wonder, at times, if bad people are trying to see which houses may be worth ransacking if we have to 'evacuate' during and EBS.

I would have done exactly the same thing and said no. Alarm bells would ring in my ears straight away. I would have said that supermarkets have bags of food available for people in genuine need and advised her to go there. If I saw a neighbour pass over a bag, I'd probably think bigger fool them, but it would be there choice. Don't feel bad about it. So many scams these days it is sad it's come to this, as you just might turn away a genuine person in need of help one day, that you may have been in a position to have helped. Unfortunately it is down to us now to decide what is genuine, and what we feel is a scam. I think this lady that came knocking on your door was checking out your house, and to see if you were in. It's common to do this if a burglary is about to take place. Where I live I've heard of at least 3 people this has happened to. It's just terrible.

Aldom

Years ago there were people, usually a young man 'desperate' to get to a hospital about 50/60 miles away. The story was always the same. Their child was dying, they needed the train fare. This story sounds similar. I think you did the right thing. But I understand how you feel.

It's still going on - there are a couple round this area who move around all the car parks in the town centre telling everyone that their Mum is dying and they need the bus fare to get to her.... It's been going on for a long while, but they're obviously making a good living, as they get into a nice car at the end of the day...!!!;

As someone upthread remarked this is called a "distraction" burglary and the caller may have a partner who sneaks in the back while you are doing what s/he asked.

This is just a variation of the classic "workpeople" who are testing the water pressure/looking for a gas leak/working in the area etc. One will keep you talking or ask you to perform some task while another looks for valuables to take. You should always make an excuse and tell them they must write to you on their letterhead and make an appointment so you can have a relative or friend present. If they get pushy tell them you will ring the police to check them out. They will quickly slope off and find another victim.

One thing they dont like are cctv cameras.

Theexwife

It’s not much of a scam if all they are collecting is surplus food. I would have helped.

You are unlikely to have a “bag of food” handy so you invite her to wait in the hall or similar and whilst you are getting whatever she does a recce to see what might be worth pinching later, or steals any valuables she can pocket.
It’s a well known scam, particularly if the person is alone and elderly. They can also keep you distracted whist an accomplice gets in and steals….
I agree I’d feel guilty too but I’ve seen enough about these sort of things to know to be hard.
Another matter altogether to give to a recognised charity or to someone in the street who may ( or may not) be homeless.

I would have been very suspicious and definitely not have given anything. I would have shut the door pretty quickly too

You were right to be suspicious. Sometimes people work in pairs, one keeps you occupied at the front, while their partner sneaks round the back.
Isn't begging illegal?

Things are getting bad. I once had a guy from Kenya wanting to be my PenPal. I went ahead and wrote back to him. Unfortunately, all he really wanted was for me to help get him and his uncle into the States! I couldn't believe it!
I guess a friend of his decided to try and tap me as well, because after that I got a letter from some other guy in Kenya, asking me if I would buy him a bicycle--because I lived "In the land of the good times".
I told myself, "Never again!"

I feel better about my decision as many of you would do the same.

grannyactivist I assumed the fire was in Spain to be honest and that's why she'd come back!

elainec33

No, I think you were wise. I learned my lesson a few years back when a "pregnant" girl ran out of petrol, left her purse at home and was worried she wouldn't be able to collect her children from school. So muggins here gave her all the cash I had in the house. My daughter said she probably removed the "foetus" further down the road. I don't buy anything from the doorstep now either or register a direct debit with a bona fidi charity. I am mean lol.

OR she may have thanked you forever in her heart.
❤️

Having just had a fire in my house I know that this is a very unlikely tale!

I have all sorts of people in my house, but I’m far from a soft touch and I never give money directly to beggars. I have information about all sorts of appropriate avenues for people to access genuine help and can usually tell by someone’s response how needy they are.

I had a similar dillemma, woman outside the local shop saying she was iut of miney and petrol to get home . I was suspicious and said No. Anither woman knocked on my door with the same story. Franjly, i didnt believe them either time, and on the first occasion i actually didn't have any spare cash! Unfortunately, the scammers reky on people feeling guilty. Ive always gicen to charities/Big Issue sellers etc, but random people with iffy stories - no, sorry

HannahLoisLuke

I was had a few years ago on the local railway station car park. Hard luck story about leaving her wallet at home and needing to buy a train ticket. I gave her £20 too on the promise that she’d meet me in the same place, same time the next day and she’d pay me back. Did she turn up? Of course not.
When I was a child and lived on a farm we’d often have “tramps” turn up asking my mum to fill up their Billy can with hot water to make tea. She’d get them to chop a few logs and she’d make tea and a few cheese or ham doorsteps and if it was getting late my father would let them sleep in the barn. We also had regular visits from gypsies selling pegs, bunches of white Heather and wanting to tell our fortunes. We got to ‘now them quite well as they’d come back every year.
Different now though, you just don’t know who you’re dealing with.

I was telling DH about this and remembered the "gipsy woman", a Romany I think, who used to call occasionally when I was a child; I can still see her in my mind's eye!
My mother told me to never turn away a gypsy but she was usually selling a piece of lace, heather or bric-a-brac which my mother always bought.

We'd sometimes get tramps knocking on our door too, but they were looking for the vicarage where they knew they could get a meal or help.

Nowadays it's more likely to be a scammer or someone casing the joint.

Be careful someone`s not nipping up the side while you`re kept talking. Sad to have to be so careful, but necessary.

My dad was approached by someone who had broken down and she needed help . Being very silly but an ex mechanic he offered to help her. Surprise she had lost keys for the car. So he gave her lift home. Next day she was back to thank him.but said couldn't pay him fuel money because she was "skint". An old man with brains in his pants ,he gave her money and took her home. First I knew of this was when he phoned me to say "I've got a girl friend, she's younger than you. Going to be your new mum" then I got more calls ..have you seen my bank card? So cancelled it . Bank phoned to say he was in bank with suspicious character and was I aware? 5 times I cancelled his card because it kept going missing. About £7000 later I caught her in his house and called the police. Seems she was known to them . And it turned out I was right about it being a scam ... his house was being used by every lowlife too. Nothing left ... anything of value gone. I was visiting every day but couldn't catch them at first. He still insisted it wasn't her behind it . They must have been heartless .

I was had a few years ago on the local railway station car park. Hard luck story about leaving her wallet at home and needing to buy a train ticket. I gave her £20 too on the promise that she’d meet me in the same place, same time the next day and she’d pay me back. Did she turn up? Of course not.
When I was a child and lived on a farm we’d often have “tramps” turn up asking my mum to fill up their Billy can with hot water to make tea. She’d get them to chop a few logs and she’d make tea and a few cheese or ham doorsteps and if it was getting late my father would let them sleep in the barn. We also had regular visits from gypsies selling pegs, bunches of white Heather and wanting to tell our fortunes. We got to ‘now them quite well as they’d come back every year.
Different now though, you just don’t know who you’re dealing with.

I’d have refused the same as you Tanith.
It sounds hard, but who knows if it’s a scam or not.

When I was growing up, a person begging for money was super well known and had been doing that for years

It was also well known he was rich and owned a super expensive huge flat on the prime city center area

What baffles me is that despite all these facts being common knowledge, he kept getting donations every day

We were stopped on the street by a well dressed man. He said he was going for a job interview but didn't have the bus fare. We gave him money just in the hope he was genuine.

Since I wrote the post upthread I had a delivery by my regular Fedex guy (expected). Then shortly after someone else rang my bell. It was an unknown male in a high viz jacket holding a large parcel. I did not answer because Im not expecting any more deliveries and I knew it was not for me. I dont accept parcels for neighbours.

When I checked the cameras he had walked past my house, no doubt attempting to deliver to someone further along who is out today. So despite a strongly worded notice saying "no callers without appointment" he still felt free to knock on my door. So I felt free to not answer.

I would have done the same, tanith. If you have any compassion it is hard to turn people away, but there are agencies that help in this kind of emergency and as several other posters have said, there is no need to go around knocking on doors.

yes, I would not give, I have a curt note on my door, saying "no callers"
I had a polite note some time back that was constantly ignored, so I decided the "no callers" would be better understood

I have given to someone "begging" on the street, they assured me not for drugs, as soon as I left them, I turned back and saw the young man galloping off,, ..who knows..
yes, food banks at most if not all shops/supermarkets,, but yes, I feel guilty also.. just thinking about genuine people in need