Safeguarding Concerns - what happens after one is reported.

I am a Safeguarded Adult against my Ex abusive husband. I was referred to Adult Social Services by a psychologist. If you are referred by a professional, you go immediately into their list,

But it took them 5/6 weeks to ring me, someone working down a list.

Rather than ring SSD I'd ring the referral agency to make sure it has been done.

Safeguarding means one is regarded as vulnerable so if one rings the police or other agencies for help in theory they should take note and prioritise.

As an adult her privacy will be respected so direct calls to SSD? well, not sure.

But what you can do is find out what Domestic Abuse helplines and support there is in her area, and exactly what they can (and can't offer), and give them to her Dad so he has them ready if she should wish to ask for help.

One thing I found out from an agency was a short list of solicitors who would give half hour free Zooms for women needing advice, for example, and a counselling service (tho long waiting list).

You cannot make someone call the police, but her Dad could ring 111 in relevant area and just ask advice.

Ideally, she should start keeping texts, WhatsApp's, and make sound recordings secretly on her mobile of abuse. Evidence in case she decides to act. I did get Ex arrested but not charged, you need evidence, and it was coerce abuse not physical.

But her dads out the country and not interested wyllow
And she’s not wanted to blame the partner so nothing will happen if kitty or another relative doesn’t takes over

If your DN refuses support that will be the end of it....an adult with capacity can make an unwise decision
.... however if she has children you can refer to childrens services

Hmmmm. Well its worth a try as nearest caring relative trying to follow suggestions - at least have all the information ready should niece indicate she is open to help. Let her know should she want help you are there for her and have relevant information.

but there is a lot at stake here - she may still be in love, she may feel shame and not able to talk about it and so on.

If children are at risk then you can report to NSPCC but you'd have to be specific.

Thank you wyllow. I hope you didn't find my post upsetting.

What happened to dn was not physical either but she is now on a drip and unable to walk.

fp, bil rang to rell us. We think, in the hope that we will step into the breech again. Sadly, for dn, I am not up to going long distances at the moment.

I have previously provided relevant contact numbers to both dn and bil, I have rung Women's Aid in her area and asked advice, I have sent links etc etc.

I think the best thing I can do is refer and report.

Thank you everyone for your input.

So sorry you are having to deal with this, when not feeling your best. Such a difficult situation.

Good for you for caring and doing your best in such awful circumstances. However, if she is not prepared to step away herself, there is not so much you can do. Because there will be a next time. Like alcoholics or drug addicts, women who go back to beaters and cohercive controllers, cannot truly be helped until they are prepared to go.

Sincere sympathy.

Not at all Kitty, I feel these things are best out in the open and known.

You go ahead and do your best!

Oh downtoearth I am so sorry to hear your story- truly the worst experience any parent could have. Kittylester- are there children? Is the school involved?If they are, then they may , with SS,call a multi agency meeting .
Sometimes,the mother is told there that the only way she can retain custody of the children is to cease all contact with the abuser. I have seen ( professionally) this cause a woman to cooperate with other agencies to change how she behaves towards her perpetrator.

As regards children: she has 3 sons, one is a lovely gentle boy who lives with his girlfriend. He is 18 now, but we have previously referred him to SS and DD rang his school, who were aware!

It is a real nightmare!

downtoearth

What about the other two sons- are they adults? Do they still live with her? Can you talk to them. And can they call ss???

chocolatelovinggran, she is not our daughter but DH's niece.

Her sons are all over the age of 18 and two of them seem to have inherited their father's genes. And, his father had a reputation for dv too.

The more people who report an issue and express concerns about an individual the better, it simply serves to strengthen their case.

downtoearth

kityylester until she finds the strength to break away, any help you may give will be futile.

Perhaps she needs help from a psychologist or psychiatrist to help her realise this is not how her life should be, this is not normal.

Thank goodness someone dear to me managed to break away from a physically abusive husband although he and his new woman subjected her to more years of emotional abuse.
It's not easy, your niece's sense of self-worth must be rock bottom if this is what she thinks she deserves.

You've not been well yourself, kittylester so perhaps you may have to accept she can't be helped unless she decides for herself this is not the way to live. It will cause stress whatever you decide.

Her father needs to stop being an ostrich.

💐

Kitty you havent upset me,I hope your niece can find the strength to leave,and support and help is available for her.

My DGD and I are still under police protection 19 years after,we had to move 150 miles away to avoid him knowing our whereabouts.

I am hoping that someone will do something while she is stuck in hospital calli.

Ostrich is not one of the words that I have heard dh use.

If you attend a church or are near one there will be a poster displayed ( it is blue and yellow in our diocese) with details ( name, email address, phone number )of the local diocesan safeguarding officer. They might be able to advise you how to get help quickly. It does not matter if you are not a churchgoer. They will help anyone, of any age, who might be deemed vulnerable.

Kitty hospitals have their own social workers who after talking to patients will refer on if necessary. It sounds like your dn is so beaten down she has lost confidence in herself and would benefit by psychological help but she needs to agree to it.
Might it be worth contacting hospital SW who are on the spot and can get involved straight away.
You are doing your best, please remember it’s up to your dn, and you need to take care of yourself.

Now that the children have grown up, ie safeguarding children is no longer an issue, if the police have offered to prosecute and she has refused, they can't pursue it.

Callistemon21 I to had lovely support from Ds and DiL (abusive ex is not Ds's father). but it is often a lonely and scary road to go down to call them out. Its recent so is still an issue and I am afraid of him still, tho managed the divorce under the new rules....and if you loved them "despite" you have to face grief and loss

and our O/P niece may be afraid of many things including being alone, yes, despite all..

I agree with others kittylester if you are not well yourself do what you can but sadly sometimes that is all we can do x

but downtoearth you poor soul to have to live with that so long.

You are right Wyllow, she is scared of being alone and, predictably, has no friends of her own.

for being a lovely caring aunt. Just keep on reporting.

downtoearth, thank you for posting your experience. I hope you all stay safe and well.

kittylester, I can’t add anything to the sensible advice from others here. It seems your niece has been given good advice and supportive opportunities but isn’t in a place she can take them.

The police are usually very good in these situations, not always but usually. Support services are stretched but the key thing is your niece isn’t ready to make the difficult decision. Last time I looked at the research, women returned an average of 28 times Can you find out if her area has The Freedom Project? A great course x

kitty I’m sorry to hear you’ve been/are unwell. Sending hugs to you. 🤗

Unfortunately the remedy for your niece is in her own hands and as Iam has pointed out, it takes a great deal of courage and often repeated attempts before women make the decision to leave an abusive partner.