Thank you letters

You are right to be cautious GranJan60 leaving out a daughter or son in law would cause family rifts. However I think you could use the late delivery example to ask for a response when gifts are received.
I don't think many people send thank you letters or cards now but an email or other electronic message would be easy to send. I would be really annoyed if my family didn't respond to a gift. My husband's family though that's a whole different ball game.

Yes, same here. My (slightly tricky) DIL never thanks or even acknowledges birthday gifts, even by text.. They live some distance away so often have to be delivered. This year got”sniffy” text from DS “PS it was L birthday yesterday” when online gift presumably sent mail hadn’t arrived as estimated because of strikes. Spent next 2 weeks organising replacement only to find it had been delivered 2 days ago. Don’t want to stop giving gifts to DIL as I would others. How to broach subject?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

but are these people who give you gifts ?
if not maybe they don't really want you to keep giving them gifts, they don't want the implied indebtedness, so they don't want to encourage it by sending thanks.
i don't really want xmas cards, so i stopped sending them. gradually the cards to me petered out. success.

It's nice to get an acknowledgement that the gift has been received and is appreciated. Sadly it doesn't always happen. Personally I always send a thank you text for tea and a biscuit, let alone an actual gift
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I made sure my DC wrote thank you letters for all presents. One year my DD was so well prepared she wrote draft letter saying Dear Blank thank you so much for and there she left it blank again until it was needed.

I made my two send them to people who we did not see. I always got a nudge in my back to remind me to say thank you.
My mum was from a large extended family and they all took it in turns to have a party from Christmas to New year so I had plenty of opportunity to say thank you.
I do appreciate a thank you myself, these days you are lucky if you get one for a wedding present and we had all those little boxes of cake to write and post.

We always had our children send thank
You cards and I’m proud to say that 3 of our 5 continue the tradition with their children but it’s rare. I do love getting a lovely card in the mail and I in turn send cards - not just thank yous butother holidays and just because times as well. Some of my children are the same and 12 year of dgd and I just did a little shopping trip where she chose some “fancy “ stationary she wanted to use to send little notes and thank yous herself. But her mum is quite old
Fashioned that way and so as such they continue these sadly growing antiquated habits. I don’t expect them from others though, and a nicely worded text is still an acknowledgment.

Some years ago my OH took his DGD her birthday card the week before her actual birthday as we were going on holiday and would be away for the actual date. Rather than putting it away until her birthday she ripped open the envelope, removed the card, opened it and took out the money.............and threw the card in the bin! He was so upset, more so because she never even said "thank you Grandpa"! I blame the parents although she was a teenager and old enough to know better.

I always get a text thanking me for any gift given but that's probably because I've always insisted on acknowledgement, it's not exactly a hardship to send a simple text.

My grandmother was like that of the OP and continued very much in Edwardian ideas to the end of her life.

Every year she would buy me a pretty set of writing paper and envelopes. Then when I next visited her she would supervise while I wrote "thank you" letters for all the gifts I received.

She was very methodical and first she would have me make a list with all the items and the name of the giver alongside. That way I could refer to the actual gift in the letter, rather than simply writing a generic "thank you for your gift."

She was a great one for making of lists and ticking things off when they were done. I caught the habit from her and to this very day I make lists in my desk diary and check them off as they get done.

My grandmother was very much a "planner" and I am glad I follow her in that respect. I dont like unforeseen events or interruptions.

I still send my nieces and nephew money at Christmas and birthdays and it’s never ever acknowledged (even a message on messenger would be acceptable). Makes me very reluctant to continue to send.

I went to visit a friend's daughter with a baby gift. She took the gift bag, just put it on the floor and went back on her phone and ignored me. I left fuming, not even a thank you. They invited me to his 1st birthday party and I made an excuse not to go as it would of been another present given to a very ungrateful mother.
Another friend's daughter in-law who lives in London, I'm in N.Ireland, sent me a beautiful card with her little daughter's photo on it thanking me for her gift I sent over for her. I was delighted, such a difference in the two young women.

I remind my daughter to write thank you letters - or message those whose number she has. However it really doesn’t bother me if I get a thank you note or not for the gifts I give.

There is such an easy and obvious solution, don't send gifts. Maybe not saying thank you is the recipients way of saying stop sending gifts.

Same here. It's not that I'm being nasty, I just don't have the incentive to buy a present for someone who doesn't even acknowledge receipt.

No cards or letters from ours. We get a text from the adults/teenagers, for the young one his parents make a video of him saying his thanks as he detests FaceTime, autism makes writing a trial at the moment. We exchange daft gifts with a few friends, it’s either a phone call or email to convey our mutual thanks. As long as there’s some sort of acknowledgement it’s OK with us. I do agree though, getting a little card or a picture drawn by the young ones was and is so much nicer.

My boys always sent a thank you letter,that is how i was bought up and they get my grandchildren to do the same.
my nephew and niece never sent anything in way of a thank you,so i stopped sending them monies etc.

I'm another who sent thank you letters or cards as a child (still do). I had no children and, despite sending gifts to the children of relatives, never received a thank you - I didn't expect a card or letter but at least some acknowledgement but received none, not even from the parents. After several years, I gave up and now only send cards.

Times change. I don’t expect thank you letters, it’s double delight if I get one, or a card

I sent a lovely hand knitted cardigan when my step grandson and his wife had their second baby, and a little book for the toddler and I haven't heard a word. I would have been pleased with a brief text just to show they'd recieved it.

This topic raises its head regularly on here with same old same old comparisons of how thank you was mandatory in our childhood whereas nowadays it's pretty non existent. Honestly.... I've learned to live with it. No thank yous will never equate to no future giving for me. It simply doesn't matter. If gratitude is important to you then reciprocate by not giving and you will save yourselves the angst.

The adult OHs who never acknowledged a gift, no longer get a gift from me, just a card

I sent a monetary gift as a wedding present last year. It was never acknowledged.
I was sad about it as I'd sent it on behalf of several people who repeatedly asked me about it.

our mother would make us sit and write thank you letters after Christmas and birthdays without fail, we continued, buying attractive Thank You cards as adults, its lovely to have a card plopping through the letter box in acknowledgement and appreciation. Mum believed thank you letters kept the presents coming.
Its awful when you have to ask, did you receive the gift? and have a nonchalant reply, not even a phone call to say thank you, easily solved, no more wasting time energy, funds.
Little things mean a lot.