AIBU to not want to pick up disruptive Grandson from School.

For your own mental and physical health you need to ask yourself some questions. What do my son and daughter in law say? How different is discipline now from when I was a child? What impact is this school run having on me personally? Have you tried talking to the boy and saying that it makes you sad when he behaves like that and ask him why he does it? Explain the effects it has on you and your car. From my primary school teaching days I used the words 'expectation' and the 'naughty' boys would know that I was on their side but had expectations of them. You may be surprised how he rises to them. Also, I would observe what 'methods' the other grandparents use. Do they have a 'stare' or some other form of expectation? Be firm, fair, and have low consequences as punishment i.e. you won't get that outing to the park if you behave like that. Good luck!

When driving my grandchildren to school every morning became intolerable, I told my daughter I wouldn’t do it anymore.
The two youngest would fight, scream at each other, throw things, and nothing I said or did made any difference.
I was still very involved with them, and am always happy to drive them separately, even sometimes together, but I won’t do the school run.
I don’t think your grandson sounds too unusual, I think in my limited experience, that boys need to let off some steam after school, pop to the park on the way home, let them run around for a while.

I think it would be best to stop having both children after school. The fact that you want to "tap" him is alarming. You are letting unimportant things wind you up - mucky headrest in car is nothing! Talking about willies, boobies, etc. is normal, healthy behaviour for a little boy! My MIL once really shouted at my daughter when she was 3 for making digestive biscuit crumbs on her dining table - I've never forgotten that!!

I'm sorry you are finding DGS hard to like at the moment.
This thread has brought back memories for me!
I had 3 sons and stopped having birthday parties for them in the house when at DS3's 7th party his pals were jumping on the table!
DD was the youngest and her parties were far more civilised - the girls played games and were charming.

I don't think itsinreasonable to have consequences for the worst of the behaviour, as long as it is an agreed approach.

He's waiting to be assessed but yes the doctors seem to think so , his father had it , so could be hereditary. The school have been brilliant , he goes into something called the nest , seems to like it.

Debbi58

I too have a 5year old grandson, we had no trouble with him until he reached 4. He hits his older sisters ( 12 & 10) doesn't listen to anyone. If he can get hold of a felt tip pen , he draws all over himself and the walls . He's disruptive in school, I do school run , everyday and most days his teacher has a word with me about something he's done. My daughter can't manage him ( dad not involved at all ) tbh he's a hard child to like . But I do try really hard to understand and help him whenever I can , I'm hoping he'll grow ouf of it tbh. He's not interested in his willy , so thatz something !

ADHD you think? A lot of kids are misunderstood when they really have problems, on the autistic spectrum or something like that.

I am not sure one can make generalisations about behaviour based on the sex of a child. I had a girl then a boy, and so did my daughter. If anything, the boys were better behaved, whilst the girls could be wild at times. I blame my lack of experience with my first born. But all were equally loved, though sometimes I told the naughty one that I did not like her behaviour.
If you have the option to not pick them up, I would take it and explain to the parents why, without apportioning blame.

This is a child who is learning that he can push peoples buttons - he seems to know the limits that have others have set or not in the case of his parents and other grandparents.
I had one of my GS kick off on Monday after school. He'd had his tea and then fallen asleep and when his Mum collected him and his brother - became whiny, wouldn't put his shoes on, said he couldn't walk (he wanted mum to pick him up and carry him to the car!) He then started punching and kicking his Mum!! With his Mums' okay - I took him on one side and let him know in no uncertain terms that his behaviour was unacceptable! He had no right to hit/punch/kick anyone - not Mum, Dad, Siblings - no one!! It was unkind and was behaviour shown by unkind children. He refused to say sorry to his Mum so we stood in the street getting cold until he gave in and finally said sorry. He continued his spell of bad behaviour by refusing to close the car door and spent the evening on in the naughty corner until bedtime.
Yesterday he was a different child altogether - but his sister was awkward about eating her tea! No problem!! It's there until you do want it - going cold and there's no rewards for bad or awkward behaviour in our house!! So no pudding or treats!!
Lay the ground rules and if any child won't abide by them -too bad!!
We certainly can't say we'll only have one child - it doesn't work like that but we can say what goes in our house and too bad if they don't like it!
They can be just as difficult for other relatives but how they deal with it is up to them. One of the boys' uncle had them one morning until school time and he left them playing FIFA while he had a quick shower and came back to WW3!! His reaction was I'm not having them the rest of this week - when if he banned the FIFA for a few weeks - he would get the behaviour he wants from them. All kids can be contrary awkward little pests -but we still love them!!
So in a nutshell - your house or car - your rules!! And if the parents need to be told that too - then do it!!

I too have a 5year old grandson, we had no trouble with him until he reached 4. He hits his older sisters ( 12 & 10) doesn't listen to anyone. If he can get hold of a felt tip pen , he draws all over himself and the walls . He's disruptive in school, I do school run , everyday and most days his teacher has a word with me about something he's done. My daughter can't manage him ( dad not involved at all ) tbh he's a hard child to like . But I do try really hard to understand and help him whenever I can , I'm hoping he'll grow ouf of it tbh. He's not interested in his willy , so thatz something !

You could discuss this with your grandsons parents that you are not happy with him kicking seats in the car. It might be an effective way of dealing with it. It will be better than shouting and getting to the point of wanting to hit him. Which isn't acceptable and won't achieve anything at all.
I suggest you treat both of the children the same and not one as good and one as bad. It's not nice having an obvious favourite child or grandchild it just creates resentment which is no good in any relationship.

My 4 year old grandson is full of energy, cheeky, finds bodily functions hilarious and can be a handful.
But he is kind, loves his little brother and has always been good at sharing. He is bright and funny. When he stays over he loves to be read to at bedtime and always asks for a cuddle before going to sleep. Look for the positives!!

Just wait for the change as they get older. Your angelic granddaughter soon could transform, overnight, into a stroppy, sulky teenager - and your grandson could calm down and behave in a civilised manner. Did you have many children - or maybe just your son? Were you lucky to have calm, obedient offspring? They're all different, very different. I had two of each - and the eldest boy was a nightmare, full of energy and mischief, finding good behaviour an impossibility. Two seemed normal, average (whatever that is, a bit naughty at times) and one girl was an absolute angel - until the hormones hit. All turned into pleasant, happy humans in their early twenties. I think you've fallen into a pattern of negative behaviour (and expectations) where you should take a break from babysitting and have a good think. Your GD could, secretly, feel quite upset at how you treat her brother.

Along with others above I would advocate some time in the park to let off some energy if you can.
Shoes off in the car, but if he continues to distract you when driving then try parking further away and walking instead if you can.
Something to eat - children are often hungry and thirsty at the end of a school day, but keep the sugar low.
And develop selective hearing - just screen out the stuff you don't want to hear and praise, praise, praise when he tells you about his day etc... Don't allow a six year old to wind you up.

Incidently my Gchn were the other way round GD was the one who tried to wind me up and 'shock' with words but soon got tired of it when it all met no reaction at all.

eazybee

Six year olds are not stuck in a classroom on a chair all day; they have plenty of physical activity time built into the school day, and are perfectly capable of managing a car ride home without creating mayhem. My son was collected from nursery then school from the age of four by one or both grandparents, then in their seventies,and never, ever behaved like that; neither did his sister. They were not rude about meals they were given either.
I agree with the suggestion simply to stop the car and refuse to drive until the behaviour stops, and if it persists, refuse to collect him; let the parents either discipline him or make alternative arrangements. It is not safe to drive with a child behaving like this, and I am astonished that so many people seem to accept it as normal behaviour.

Sorry eazybee, but my DGS spends a LOT of time in a chair at school. We've changed his school to one that is more academically rigorous and has a stricter behaviour policy. He has struggled with it, but he's getting there.

There is nothing wrong with children who are very active. My DGS, as it happens, is also ADHD, but is held to the usual standards.

Children differ. A wild boy (or girl) is a pleasure and as many have said, they outgrow it. It isn't about being rude. It is about levels of maturity, having a limited attention span and about having their needs met.

Well said Luckygirl3
It very telling that he behaves well for his other grandparents
He obviously feels more loved more accepted and allowed to BE with them

Maybe just me, but I have found the difference between rearing a girl, then a boy very difficult at times.

Boys are a whole different kettle of fish.

On the upside, I find them fun; they make me laugh (in between fighting all around the room, wrestling, dancing, and almost breaking everything in the process)

Wanting to hit a child is about you not being able to deal with your anger.

How can you expect a 6 year old to regulate their emotions and behaviour when you struggle to regulate yours?

If the child behaves for the inheritance grandparents perhaps he feels loved as equally as his sister with them.

Try to take a step back and realise, he is only 6, he has many lessons to learn in life and its the adults around him who should be showing him a good example and living him through what is a pretty normal 6 year old stage of development

Obsession with their willies would seem to be almost universal.

A couple of years ago, by the side of a swimming pool in France, were Gds, then 4, and 3 other boys, sons of dd’s friends, all aged between 4 and 7.

They all had their swimmies on, and as dd pointed out to me, amid a lot of mirth, every one of them had a hand down the front of his pants. 😂

It is not safe to drive with a child behaving like this

No, it isn't safe, I agree.

But it's a reaction on his part.

Luckygirl13 I think it would be best not to pick them up from school - it is clearly a bad experience for both you and your GS. He knows you do not like him so he rises to the bait and you take it as an insult - he says he does not like your food to make you feel bad, just as you are making him feel bad.

Honestly - just stop picking them up.

There, right there, is your answer.

I only pick up GC if I must by circumstance. I much prefer their parents to do all the work involved with their children.

Little boys turn to be fantastic men, in many instance much easier than daughters. I adore my many sil, they do grow up!

First born children come across as angelic
Not all of them PoppyBlue 😂
And the first one is a girl!!

My DGS never ever stops talking - every thought that drops into his head is verbalised - but with such effervescence and enthusiasm that you cannot help but smile.

I am astonished that so many people seem to accept it as normal behaviour. - every child is different, but his behaviour is normal in context. He is being put down and demoted to bad child, so he fulfils that role with knobs on. If this behaviour is dealt with in a sensible, rational and unemotional way he would stop it. If it was dealt with in a way that recognises how he ticks and loves him he might behave better. He knows he is the bad child in his grandma's eyes, so he obliges with bad behaviour. He knows she wants to sock him one.

Easybee, it sounds like your children had good grandparents and your little boy wasn't made to feel inferior to his sister.

It sounds to me as though he doesn't feel loved by you, and you clearly don't like him very much...