What I would tell my 20 year old self if I could

I would say don’t go on a diet you are perfectly fine as you are. Instead of 30 years of yo-yo dieting. My first diet I was 9st - such a daft thing to do.
Don’t get married young
You can still have a good time and save money.

Get help for the emotional damage from childhood before you marry and definitely before you have children. That would have have helped replicating toxic relationships I thought were normal.

Don't believe everything you are told, can't believe how naive I was over certain things.

Spend more time doing than thinking; say yes more often than no; be braver; believe in yourself.

Try to have children while you are young.

If it turns out (as it did) that you have difficulty conceiving you will still be young enough to be considered for becoming adoptive parents and get through the screening process before the cut-off date = your 40th birthday.

This will save you years of hopeless longing for a child.

Stay single … and enjoy life

I read what I wrote and realised it might look as if I didn’t enjoy being a mother and that I don’t love my children.
What I meant was you could have a better life if not tied down with children.

Don't trust the English charmer you have met at university, don't marry him and move to England. Stay in Canada!

Keep taking the pill.

Go for what I want and don’t hang back !

Don’t put on weight because when you do get round to losing it all your boobs will never ever ever become one iota smaller!
And seriously, be more confident. Looking back I am horrified at how much I let myself be used and abused and never thought it wrong because I had no sense of self worth whatsoever.

Have more sex.

Have more sex!

Just be you.
Don't get married.
Do it sooner.

I wasn't told those things either Monica, it's very dependent on the sort of parenting you were fortunate or not fortunate to have had and it can often be very healing for people to allow their grown up selves to step in and provide that parenting for themselves however late in life.

One my father impressed on me and took years to put into practice.
NO is a very small word but very difficult to say.
One I did say to my 20-year-old self,
You've got to get out of this place even for a short time and luckily I did. so listening to my father was something I would say at 20 .

Don't worry, it changes nothing and anyway very often the things you worry about never happen (wouldn't add that things you have never even thought to worry about get you instead!!)

Your feelings are valid. Be kind, be brave, speak out and be your own best friend.

don't waste time and money going to university.
join the civil service.
don't have ideas above your station. don't try to be middle class, or mingle with them to seek acceptance.
do evening classes in useful or enjoyable subjects.
try to learn to cook.
avoid people who are not nice.
stand up for yourself.

I'd also say, 'Shag a lot more men!' That horse has bolted, regretfully!

Be more confident that I could make it on my own and didn’t need marriage to shore me up. Take a few more risks. Be brave?

There is nothing I would change because I had to walk this path to lead me to my wonderful children, friends and career.

So I would tell 20 year old me:

Hang in there, it's going to be ok

I’d say to my self “don’t be so impulsive”.
It lost us a huge amount of money. I’m super cautious now but the horse has bolted.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it?

I'd say, 'Don't worry! Marriage and babies aren't for you. There is plenty of life that you'll like a lot better!'

I'd say "Try to stand up for yourself a little more."