Grandchildren

Since I retired last year my life is really busy so sometimes it works the other way round for me, DD messages to see if I'm free!!!! Through school hols I try to make a point of having GD (9) one day a week so Mum can work in peace, GS now 12 and happier to stay at home so he can see his pals and go skateboarding or whatever.
I sometimes have both together, but have to try and organise something special to entertain them otherwise they squabble!
At weekends they are nearly always busy as a family, seeing friends or out cycling for miles so unless it's "an occasion" I don't often see them then, especially in the summer months.

I'm lucky that they live very close by, I hope when the kids are a bit older they might want to come and see me under their own steam - but they'd better check first to make sure I'm free!

Be glad of the time you do have with them, I would never drop in on people, just ring first and dont be offended if they have other plans. Their lives are busy. I am estranged like Alan think of them every day. I saw mine first five years before I was cut off. I do envy people with a good relationships with their children and gc.

My MIL passed comment on my cooking a couple of times but always managed to force down a good portion ?

Ditto M0nica, nor would I ever be bad mannered enough to pass comment on any one else's home.

I never had a mother or mother in law who commented on the standards of my house care. Had they done so, much as I loved both, I would have politely but firmly seen them off.

I also think that as women, many of us feel judged/pressure to make sure our home is at a certain level of cleanliness to receive our mothers/MILs.

When my late mother came to visit, she invariably took it on herself to clean my cooker. The night before her arrival, I would make sure it was spotless, but she still cleaned it. All these years later, it's DS1 who cleans what I previously thought was my hygienically clean kitchen.

I can see the look on her face Hithere

This is why for someone who looks like their mother, I look nothing like my mother... completely different set of wrinkles lol

I have more quotes

"Uggh, so you chose green for your new kitchen. You know I dont like green"

"Your apartment is not good enough for you (aka for my mother). I will pay monthly for another that represents the class where we come from"
Note: those apartments were $5000/month 20 years ago
Note 2: that apartment was fine, it had nothing wrong

Oh my goodness, my mother visiting was like hosting the Queen... if my mother was Queen that is

"Urgh VioletSky, it smells like CAT in here"

"Urgh VioletSky, there is a HAIR in your sink"

"Urgh VioletSky, why don't you paint over that tatty wallpaper now to freshen it up if you aren't going to strip it until next month"

"Urgh VioletSky, we dropped by your house this afternoon and you weren't there! Where were you? How can you leave the house with dirty cups in the sink like that?"

Real quotes lol

M0nica

Yes, some women judge other women for the cleanliness of the home

I also think that as women, many of us feel judged/pressure to make sure our home is at a certain level of cleanliness to receive our mothers/MILs.

My jaw dropped when I read this, I really didn't think anyone gave a toss about the state of other people's houses, unless it was really a total tip, or so constantly cleaned and tweaked it was uncomfortable.

I also agree with others that a lot of young families have packed schedules and quality time is hard for us to find. So many work long hours and we look forward to quality time with our children. I appreciate grandparents coming to spend time, but the dynamic is different; I usually try to make myself scarce so that they can enjoy one on one time without me hovering/my son automatically running to me instead.

So much of our week is spent running from one thing to the other. We need downtime with our kids, too.

I think it’s generational.

I’m in my late 30s and I think it’s rude to drop in unannounced (even for family). I wouldn’t drop in on my parents or in laws without calling first and I appreciate that they usually show me the same courtesy.

I also think that as women, many of us feel judged/pressure to make sure our home is at a certain level of cleanliness to receive our mothers/MILs. My mother in law once dropped by on short notice. She swiped a surface and asked if I needed help dusting. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to be critical, but it made me very uncomfortable and anxious. She says she’s only there to see the kids, but I know she’s judging my housekeeping.

Sorry, I meant you’ve, not you’re!

Deedaa

I've been dropping in on my grandsons evryday this week because it's the first time they've been left on their own at home. They're 9 and nearly 16. They've been fine but they like seeing me. If I want to see the whole family I always check to see what they're doing because they've always got a lot going on.

Oh Deedaa that’s nice that you’re been popping in to check on them, hopefully they are responsible young men so that you are confident they’ll stay out of too much trouble If there are times where that is questionable, may I suggest one thing: make sure the bathroom isn’t flooded when you go! I have heard far to many stories like that! Some adult comes home to a water park! Those poor floors.

Take care!

I've been dropping in on my grandsons evryday this week because it's the first time they've been left on their own at home. They're 9 and nearly 16. They've been fine but they like seeing me. If I want to see the whole family I always check to see what they're doing because they've always got a lot going on.

Henetha, I quite agree. Anappointment makes it sound like a neccessity, like a dental appointment.

So much of what has been discussed, to me, is just common courtesy and thoughtfulness.

I would never call it 'making an appointment ', but making arrangements is perfectly normal,and
preferable. It's a mistake to drop in unannounced, imho. That way lies trouble!

NANINE Does anyone feel like they have to make an appointment to be able to see their grandchildren? Don't feel I can just drop by and say I was just passing.

May I ask how often you "see" your GC? Maybe ask for once every few months to give the tired parents space?

My MIL doesn't drive, she'd check ifnitnwas OK because otherwise it could be two buses each way for wasted journey. She also still did some freelance work so it worked both ways and we would check with her too.

I have 6 grandchildren 2 in Canada 1 in Derbyshire and 3 locally the eldest at 20 pops over to get fed occasionally the 15 year old spends every weekend with us and school holidays . The one in Derbyshire is harder but we try and see her at least once a month and the 2 in Canada it’s down to WhatsApp messaging and FaceTime . We both work full time still but always manage to fit everyone in . Wouldn’t have it any other way and parcels sent regularly to Derbyshire and Canada

People 'dropped by' when women did not go out to work and when we had no means of communicating with the person down the road unless you turned up on the doorstep - or sent them a letter.

Times have changed - as they always do. All the adults in a household work, we have mobile phones and can text and ring.

I also think that we look back on the past through rose coloured glasses. I can remember people just 'dropping by' at really inconvenient times. I can remember people dropping by that one really did not want to see because they were critical, rudely curious, or for a host of other reasons. I can also remember pretending not to be in, if one person came to the door, because once in we could never get rid of them.

Three cheers for people having courtesy and thought for others forced on them by modern technology.

"Dropping by" seems to be a thing of the past. When I was young, people thought nothing of stopping by without calling beforehand. Life seemed to be more flexible and easy going. Just an example, I text my son and dil earlier today to see if my husband and I could come by on Friday at about 4 p.m. to visit with them and our twin grandchildren for a while. The answer was yes. I wouldn't ever drop by - my son made that clear a couple of years ago. Sigh.

I’m super close to my adult daughter but I wouldn’t drop in without checking first. I wouldn’t mind if she dropped in on me but I think that’s a very common dynamic.

I won’t change my ways when/ if she has children, it’s potentially far more inconvenient.

Very few people drop-in these days. A friend did it twice a few years ago and I was so surprised. She’s nice and it wasn’t inconvenient and I was of course welcoming but I was worried it might become a habit, - because the next time maybe it wouldn’t be convenient and then I’d be really stressed as I don’t like being rude so I’d probably end up inviting her in for a coffee and chat amiably whilst internally panicking about the lesson prep I’d now be doing after dinner instead of getting it finished now.

You are far more likely to have an enjoyable visit if you are expected and invited.