Feeling upset

Our neighbours have ignored us since we went there(our holiday home ) for lockdown. We went before the ‘curfew ‘ and stayed there for 10 weeks - not coming and going and keeping ourselves to ourselves. I messaged her (a new comer) and asked what we had done to offend them and she replied with a long list ?.
We used to be very friendly - dinners, coffee, outings and now they blank us! Oh well!
They fall out with everyone. She left her husband and 2 teenage children to be with our neighbour and quickly moved in and married him. She doesn’t speak to her parents, brothers or children. Or rather , they don’t speak to her. I used to feel sorry for her. But all becomes clear.

We experienced this years ago.
I was told later that my "friend" took exception to something I'd said in jest and decided I was now persona non grata.
We'd been close for years, worked together, socialised and holidayed as couples together.
I'd seen her ostracise other people over the years so I recognised the deliberate nature of it.

When she was ill some years later I had a real heart to heart with her husband, he hadn't wanted to lose the friendship at all. He and my husband were great friends but that wasn't "allowed" either.

I went to her funeral, which was difficult as other people kept sympathising with me as they "knew how close you were."
I had a long talk afterwards with the youngest of her three children; she'd treated him very badly as he didn't meet her exacting standards.

But the world keeps turning doesn't it?

Hope you have great times. I always wanted to be a Suzie.

Good advice happycatholicwife1. Thank you

Always easy for other people to say such and so is not important and shouldn't matter. This type of behavior is particularly hurtful because OP was the organizer of the circle, and this was deliberately cruel and rather pointed, I'd say. I hope you keep your relationship with the couple that often invites you to interesting things and perhaps one other couple from this group. I do agree it's better for you if you don't mention the deliberate offense to anyone in the group. I would ease back, way back, on the friendship with the woman who was supposed to be your best friend. Word will get back to her that you're seeing these people, and I'll bet dollars to donuts that she can't resist asking you about it. If she, in any way, implies that she is taking this personally, I would simply tell her it was no more personal than her excluding you from the lunch group (which YOU founded) and leave it at that. People like that are meaner than people who are more overt about things. I would make sure that this best friend and her husband were kept at more than arms length because she obviously is a bad actor, and will try to spoil whatever she can

I would still keep up with the other two couples even if only to annoy your old supposed friends . But the original couple are relegated to just acquaintances now. No need to be rude or anything but just nod and move on .

Something similar happened to us when our kids were little. We used to meet up with 2 other couples for a meal every few weeks - until we were asked to babysit for one couple and found out they’d been invited round by the other couple!

I felt very upset at the time, looking back I just wish I’d cooled off the friendship when this happened.

Luckygirl3

Bear in mind that you have each other.

I have found as a widow that I am often side lined and I have no-one to go to for a hug.

Luckygirl13

I'm sending you millions of hugs, so stretch out your arms and gather them all in! xoxoxoxo

Ahh that’s sad indeed

Ahh that’s a sad feeling

I’d be inviting new favourite couple out with my husband and not the other pair. And keep it that way. Fight fire with fire and move on from them.

I had a neighbour like that. Landed on my doorstep when her husband left. I’d really not been that friendly before. She made out she was my best friend and almost took over my life. I would cook meals for her and support her when down. All of a sudden she moved on (nothing wrong with that but she became quite toxic interfering in my relationships and abandoning best friends she had known for years before me.). I had to put a stop to it and never heard from her since. Cest la Vie.

It is hurtful. It happens. Move on.

It does appear to be quite rude seeing that you introduced them, but they may have had some kind of reason.

If you are in the position that you can do this, I would try to invite all 3 couples around - maybe for 2 or 3 of your monthly meeting to start of with. I would hope that if you lead by example that everyone can come along, than maybe they will invite everyone too. If it's too large a group to accommodate in your house, just meet up in a restaurant or cafe. Trying to be more inclusive to all.

Hope you can have a friendship with all the couples. It sounds like you all had fun before Covid, try not to loose that.

Easy, start another lunch club with new friends or other old friends who may appreciate going out in a group of people.

Lovely poem, InTheCove. Thank you.

Blimey Gabriella you sound a girl with a soul !!!
Perhaps some people are just more considerate of others feelings than obviously you are ‘weak’ to be polite and caring not to hurt Stand like posts you sound utterly charming !!!

Not the two I have been in/visited recently.

I took a friend to visit her daughter in hosputal and the ward were more than willingto let me in with her. I was the one who insisted that I would be the cuckoo in the nest.

I was in hospital for a couple of days and DH could be there as much as he liked.

Hospitals actively discourage visiting!

Read the poem "A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime" author Unknown. It will make you feel better.

We don't do the 'friends' thing. To us it's a chore and an inconvenience. Anti social that's us!

I'd set the cat amongst the pigeons and ask"what ime do you want me over?" Ha haaaa! And watch her face!??

I have the same feeling with a friend I have phoned several times she has made excuses said she will phone & doesn't I have given up not t friend I thought she was

In my experience most folks are cowards.plain and simple. They don't speak up/ defend/intervene/help/complaint/do the right thing at all!! Majority stand like posts watching as someone like me(why? I ask myself!) Am usually the one to shout out and no hesitation in tackling stuff that happens. I don't mind really , people are weak.not their faults it's the the norm

Beanie654321

How do you know that she is complaining about cooking? You must be keeping in contact with some one.
If they don't value your friendship then why bother putting in the effort.
We can't be liked by everyone.
If you are concerned ask, some one must have noticed you weren't asked.

I know she complains because if I meet her near the date of her party she always say I'm having the girls over tomorrow and am worried what wine to get and am stressed with this recipe.
I have known some of the others for over 20 years but I sometimes feel they regard me as D's friend rather than a person in my own right. It doesn't bother me anymore.