Grans who had an only child...

Another only here. An isolated early, rural, childhood with only adults for company I would have liked someone around closer to my age. It may have been different had we lived in an Urban area. My Mum couldn’t have more children, her health was precarious.

Once settled at school friends filled the gap, interestingly my close friends were also only children. Something I’ve only just realised.

I would have loved a sibling or two when my children arrived, more so now . As an adult it was hard feeling and being solely responsible for ageing parents. Having said that I was spared the tension that sometimes occur when parents are at the end of their lives.

We had two children, a conscious choice. Mr C has no family left, our sons have no cousins. It’s a very small family indeed which makes me sad when I think about it.

It seems to me there’s not a right or wrong about the number of children we have. I was a happy child, learned to be self reliant and still enjoy my own company, there’s something about not missing what we’ve never had. Yes, as an adult I think I’d have liked siblings although of course not all siblings get on with each other.

My granddaughter is an only child and I know she would be so much happier with at least one sibling, preferably fairly close in age. She is happiest surrounded by people, doesn't much like playing alone, and is a sociable creature. I worry she will be lonely when older.

I am an only child myself, and would love to have siblings now I'm older. Once your parents have gone you feel rather alone in the world apart from your own children.

Reading this I do remember that I felt I needed a sibling as my mother was dying - it was just a few weeks after my father had died and I needed to make lots of decisions. Then again when I cleared out my parents' home ... but an older friend who had very close siblings said "no you dont" nobody will mess you about, there will be no petty squabbling and you can make decisions for yourself and nobody will make you feel uncomfortable about them.
I think she was right. All the benefits and any mistakes are mine. I accept them, own them and am confident i made the best decisions I could about them.

It was a difficult time but I had plenty of dear friends and my lovely husband to support me - and loads of my parents' friends became closer than ever.
I don't think this is reason enough to have a second child!

I am an only child (mum had 2 ruptured ectopic pregnancies after me). No one has mentioned the feeling of responsibility I have always felt. Although never been pressured into anything at all, I really felt it my duty to do well at school, have children, and now look after my mum. If I hadn’t had children my parents wouldn’t have had grandchildren etc.
I was so envious of friends with siblings, and longed for a brother or sister. I hear what people say that siblings don’t necessarily get on, but when my MIL died it was so lovely to see my DH and his sister arranged the funeral together.

I was an only child. I was very lonely. A strict upbringing made it worse although I was encouraged to mix with others and invite them to my home but always on a formal basis. It wasn’t a casual household.
My loneliest time was when my father died. I was 39 and my DH was unwell so I had to arrange his funeral and deal with his belongings etc singlehanded.

I am an only child and only had one child a DD. I think it would have been nice to have had siblings and more children now I am older.

It can be very lonely. I love to hear about friend who were in large families.

I often if there is an only child group somewhere, maybe we could start one on here!

I'm an only child as was DH until teenager. His parents were only children.
I don't think it is true that an only child is a lonely child. I think they are imaginative and mix very well with others. No sibling rivalry.
I have two cousins who still do not speak 50 years down the line after a petty argument. They even managed to fight in front of the minister about their parents' funerals and I was asked to sit between them in the chapel to referee.
One of my grandchildren is an only child and they never complain.
It depends on how your parents bring you up. If your childhood is pleasant and normal and you are no precious pouch then you are normal as well.
We all should please ourselves and our partners.

I am a sole child - parents married late, was, as another poster says, the reverse of spoilt - taught always put the other person first. No regrets about that despite some very tactless remarks made to my Mum about her 'failure' - children hear and understand. Cut forward - I had one child. MIL cause of that. It became apparent from her behaviour, and her successful take over of my husband's brother's children and subsequent engineering of his 3 divorces, that I'd be able to bat her away with just one but with more - not a chance. The same thing would have happened to us. So stopped at one. If you stop at one you need a think skin - people say the weirdest things. It is your life, do what you think - don't either have or not have to please anyone else. The buck stops with you.

Both my grandchildren are only ones and I feel sorry for them at times....I took my wee 6 year old GS to a softplay yesterday and watched him looking at all the children who automatically had a playmate because they had a sibling.....He just wanted someone to run around and play with...He said hes missing school and feels lonely...I could have cried for him....I'd say LONDONGAL87 to have another one if I was you...

I forgot to mention in my comment above that I am not a shy, unsociable introvert, despite being an 'only'.
I'm outgoing, friendly, and astonishingly confident!
It all depends on the parents and how they raise an only child!

I'm an only child, my DM had two miscarriages and a stillbirth in the years after I was born.
My DH is an only child, his parents seemingly had a child as it was 'expected' of them. They didn't care about him as a child, and even less when he grew up.
Our DS is an only child, by choice, as his was a very difficult birth and I was really ill afterwards. We decided that another birth wasn't worth the risks involved, especially given my DM's obstetric history.
Our DiL is the eldest of four girls, and was used by her parents to basically 'raise' the younger three. As soon as she was old enough, her parents would vanish off abroad for holidays, leaving her at home in charge of her younger siblings. This was not on some 'sink' estate either, very well heeled, educated parents, they just didn't give much of a damn.
Our DGS is also an only child, by choice. DiL would probably have liked more children, but we almost lost both her and him at his birth, so there's no way that another birth would be risked.
My DH, DS and I are all perfectly happy being only children, and so far, our DGS, he's almost six, is fine about being the only one.
I'm sure that there are some very lonely and miserable only children out there, in fact my DH was one until we met. However, even if he had been one of many, his parents still wouldn't have had any interest in any of them. They were just very insular, selfish people.
I've had a wonderful life as an only child, although I suppose there have been a few moments when a sibling may have been good.
When DF died at the age of just 61, and I seemed to become responsible for DM's happiness from then on. She just wasn't interested in anyone or anything apart from me, for 21 years, and it wasn't always easy. My DH was an absolute wonder, but as his own parents were so cold and unfeeling, he'd more or less 'adopted' my DM as his own.
When DM was receiving end of life care and I had to make all the decisions by myself, that was a tough time. Perhaps then a sibling may have been nice, but hey, I grew up, as do a lot of only children, to be self reliant and strong, so it was fine really.
If I had my time over, would I choose to have had siblings?
No, I would not!

I am an only child. I don't think mother wanted any children but my dad did.

My mum had a brother who was 14 years younger than her. I think she was quite jealous of the attention he got as a baby, though they got on well as adults.

My dad had two much older siblings so he must have felt like an only child

Because of this I didn't have any cousins around my age when I was growing up.

I was never spoilt, in fact, it was quite the opposite.

I used to read a lot and was quite happy in my own company. I didn't have much choice sometimes.

I don't find it that easy to make friends and I think that is because (other than school) I didn't spend a huge amount of time around children of my own age. I think its a fear of rejection more than anything.

As an adult, I still don't mind my own company. In fact, I sometime dread socialising, though I will do it.

I wonder how many only children would count themselves as introverts. It is part and parcel of being a lonely only.

I have three sons. They live in different parts of the country and they are not especially close.

My DH was one of eight and the family were very poor and really dysfunctional. He always said “never more than two” and he struggled with them tbh. I would never have wanted just one child. His siblings that are still alive are less than close and never see each other . I am one of three and we are close. So I think it depends on family dynamics . My two AC have almost 4 years between them so as children they tended to play with friends rather than each other but now they are closer and are very supportive of each other despite the very different personalities and geographical distance, and their children enjoy seeing each other .

I was one of 7 and remember being very lonely at times. Just because you have siblings, doesn't mean you won't be lonely.

There's no guarantee that siblings will get on.

We only had one. Sometimes I wish she had a sibling but then she went
on to only have one herself so she must have been happy enough.

Thank you for your replies! I have three other siblings who I'm very close to but I'm thinking about it for my daughter. I'd made sure my daughter will be very close to her cousin (less than a 2 year age gap) and only lives down the road!

For me I feel I'd be the best mum to her if she's an only child as I sometimes struggle with anxiety and I've never really wanted a big family, I've always said just one. But now shes here I do wonder. at the same time I don't want to bring someone into the world just so my daughter isn't lonely (as I don't think she would be) It's such a hard decision!

I was an only child and so was my father. My mother had a brother and I had cousins who I didn't see.
I can honestly say was really, truly happy. I was fortunate in that I was well loved and very much wanted.
Being an only child was all I knew so
obviously I had friends with siblings. It was always a relief to be home after visits though I did enjoy the visits and sleep-overs too.

One of my daughters has an only child. I do not think she is "missing out" anymore than I think I did. I would not worry if she has decided one is enough. If you have no siblings that is "normal" for you. If you have 10 siblings that is normal too. Being an "only" child is not being a lonely child (though some here say they were lonely). My friend, one of 3 was often lonely. I think, in retrospect, she needed "things going on" around her in a way that I did not.

I'm sorry some people grew up wanting siblings but I didn't. I have known one person as an adult whose sibling they could clearly have done without - and I also know someone (my age) who was basically "guilt tripped" into a second child who struggled with mental ill-health afterwards- they knew they shouldn't have had him. It didn't mean they didn't love him because they did, but really they were a much happier person for all the years I knew her before than she ever was after. She had found baby 1 hard work and I think baby no2 was much harder.

You shouldn't really be looking to others I think. I'd say, listen to your heart of hearts. Talk honestly and openly to your partner.
Good luck whatever you decide. I know how blessed I was to be so completely loved by parents. So long as you have a loving home, being a singleton is not an issue.

I was an only child. Loved to bits. All the toys and no one to share them with. Had two children for that very reason.

I only had one child. My marriage broke down and therefore I had no more. BUT I think life is quite lonely for my DD as an adult, because she has no siblings and hence will have no nephews or neices.

As a child, I think it was fine for her.

Totally agree Gillycats a lonely child there was no one to go to play with, no one to giggle at night with, no one to even fight with, or share secrets with, gang up against the world, and because my dad was very much younger than his siblings and mum also a ‘lonely only’ there were no cousins to play with, the ones I had were teenagers when I was born so long gone when I was a young child
I loved school as I was with other kids We lived on a main road so no where to meet and play with other kids, so school was my salvation
I know mum was well looked after but lonely as a child and I have a best friend who was also a lonely only

Nothing going for it at all

I am an only child, and so is my daughter. I was told be medical proffessionas to only have one child, because of an inherited disease.l

My mum was an only child, but her mother always encouraged her to have lots of friends.

My DH was also an only child, and he spent a lot of time in his room with books - I sometimes tell him he wasn't properly socialised as a kitten - he is always more content in his own company than I am!

I felt like an only child - I have two siblings who were born a year apart and I am a lot younger. Family holidays were rather lonely as they would go off exploring etc and didn't want me tagging along; they resented looking after me during school holidays too.

I was like an only child, my DB had a serious learning disability and was 21 years older than me. I have little family, my 3 children have busy lives far from me. I’m grateful to have a wonderful DH but I do wish I’d had other siblings. It must be so lovely to have close family I’ve always thought. After I had my 1st baby 40 years ago I was determined to have another so he’d never be alone like I’ve been most of my life. As it happens I had twins 16 months after their birth and happy to say they all get on really well and are very supportive of one another. An only child is a lonely child in general.