DDIL doesn't use the clothes I buy for DGD

I don’t buy my granddaughters clothes. Their other grandparents are very very well off and the other granny is a serious shopper, so buys them branded clothes. It was a hard thing to come to terms with, as was being discouraged to knit for them when they were babies.
When they tell me that granny so and so buys them such and such I just say how lucky they are.
They still love me and know that I love them.
In a way it is nice to have a relationship that isn’t based on what I might buy for them.

GrannyBL

I see them several times a week and see photos almost daily. I VERY rarely see her in something I got her. By very rarely I mean 5 or six times in 4 months. And three of those times were the same outfit (which apparently she did like).

Goodness that is a lot...

Maybe you need to step back a little, you dont have to stop giving but maybe slow down...

If i were your DIL I would feel utterly smothered

Tastes change.. DD1 likes colorful outfits for her son, DD2 is into grey, khaki and navy for hers - both boys look great. I don’t buy clothes, but when we’re out and they are in the queue to pay for clothes they’ve selected, I hand my credit card over to pay.
I can remember my MIL hated what I put the girls in - but it was my choice and whatever she bought for them (very rarely) was seriously faulty seconds from the market.

I’d back off. 4 months isn’t very old to need a lot of clothes and the weather at the moment means baby needs even fewer.

A man supporting his family and providing for them out of what he is paid for the work he does. A matter of his personal status as provider for his family

What century are you in SD ? Parents are generally equal providers and the idea of a man enjoying personal status as provider for his family - well ????
In addition, you may not have spotted that OP referred to her daughter-in-law not her son or son-in-law.
I would suggest, with respect, that you are somewhat out of touch with modern family life.

OP

The having clothes for the baby and only using them once or not even is very common - babies grow too fast

It happened with my kids - it is not personal and something your dil and son are doing to you

I remember buying clothes for my kids I totally wanted to use but baby had other ideas - couldn't stand pants in summer, preferred long sleeve.....
By 1.5 year old they were picking their own clothes - and that's awesome! I love discovering their little personalities and how theh evolve

"A man supporting his family and providing for them out of what he is paid for the work he does. A matter of his personal status as provider for his family"

After having a fit of laughter - if you are a time traveler, you are in the wrong century.

MawtheMerrier

^A man supporting his family and providing for them out of what he is paid for the work he does. A matter of his personal status as provider for his family^

What century are you in SD ? Parents are generally equal providers and the idea of a man enjoying personal status as provider for his family - well ????
In addition, you may not have spotted that OP referred to her daughter-in-law not her son or son-in-law.
I would suggest, with respect, that you are somewhat out of touch with modern family life.

I noticed that the OP used DDIL rather than DIL and I thought that very nice.

I noticed that the OP used DDIL rather than DIL and I thought that very nice

It is a fairly standard “acronym”. along with DH, DD, DF DS, DSIL, and doesn’t have any special significance . Some people think it stands for “darling” or “dear” but could just as easily be “dratted” or “damn” I suppose.
But very nice ? ?

I ask mums (especially my dil) to send me a link to what they would like, and I buy in the requested colour, size etc.

My dil favours very traditional clothes. (Think what the royal children wear, lemon yellow and white for newborn and Peter Pan collars with knitted cardigans and sailor outfits for best). A lot of it she picks up second hand, I buy a lot of the newer stuff via links she sends at my request.

It’s not to my taste but my gc does look ever so sweet in the photos she sends.

My MiL loved knitting and made my daughter a lovely dress, tights and a jacket in shetland wool. It was a very lacy pattern and took her a long time so I thought she had better see DD wearing it. We went to visit one afternoon, I gave DD a bottle and she threw the whole lot up over the lovely outfit! We drove home with DD reeking of baby sick and wet wool. Naturally it all had to be hand washed after which it went back in a drawer and wasn't seen again.

If they feel smothered, they should stop coming over as much. I don't go there unless invited.

MawtheMerrier

^I noticed that the OP used DDIL rather than DIL and I thought that very nice^

It is a fairly standard “acronym”. along with DH, DD, DF DS, DSIL, and doesn’t have any special significance . Some people think it stands for “darling” or “dear” but could just as easily be “dratted” or “damn” I suppose.
But very nice ? ?

Yes, I do think that it is very nice that the OP referred to her as DDIL.

It is very rare that DDIL gets used in Gransnet. I know that one lady always uses DDIL.

If DS and DDIL were more widely used instead of DS and DIL being used - and, yes, the Auntie Jane format for DMIL too, maybe those changes in parlance might have the effect that some issues might be resolved and happiness ensue.

Actually DDIL was intentional and in my case stands for Dear. She is dear to me. We have a good relationship. I have no difficulties with her at all. She seems to like me and most times, when they are leaving our house, she says, "bye, love you". So, like I said, I don't really understand why the baby doesn't wear the things I buy, but I am not wasting any more $$.

I'm sure thats the best course of action.
Buy yourself a treat every time you're tempted.

"So, like I said, I don't really understand why the baby doesn't wear the things I buy, but I am not wasting any more $$."

May I ask if the other grandma also buys clothes? Uncles, aunts, etc

Please dont put a dark cloud over this non existing issue as you have a great relationship with dil - what it counts is you see your gc and family super often, so many posters would kill for it

Clothes are only material things!

I know that this may not be the situation here, but it has occurred to me that if a DDIL has her DMIL, and several of her own relatives, and some of her friends, all buying some clothes for the child, then the DDIL might be trying to time share all the clothes so that everyone is happy to see the clothes that she has bought being worn by the child and the more givers there are, the less often clothes given by any particular giver will be worn. I know, I know, but it is possible!

Clearly your DDIL is not happy about you buying clothes for your GC , she doesn't even like the stuff she has chosen but you have paid for! Simple solution , save the cash and treat yourself/ partner to a meal in your favourite restaurant . In your position I would never buy clothes again for the GC. Sad but DIL obviously doesn't like it - are you buying too many ? Whatever the reason , no more clothes, treat yourself!!!

MissAdventure

I'm sure thats the best course of action.
Buy yourself a treat every time you're tempted.

MissAdventure, I like the way you think.

A 4 month old doesn’t really need that many clothes , and those they do need are fairly basic- little body suits which can be worn on their own if it’s hot, babygros, a hat or two, something warm for outdoors and that’s about it. They've probably got more than enough.

If DS and DDIL were more widely used instead of DS and DIL being used - and, yes, the Auntie Jane format for DMIL too, maybe those changes in parlance might have the effect that some issues might be resolved and happiness ensue

Oh I wondered when the “Auntie Jane theory” might surface!
Many column inches were written during your previous incarnation as Elderly Person to try to point out to you StarDreamer that what may have been common practice in the 1950’s this just didn’t happen in the 21st century .
Clearly failed (or didn’t succeed - same thing).
A mother in law is not an Aunt, so nobody in their right mind refers to her as such.
On your own admission you have never had a mother in law but many here will attest that the relationship can range from truly loving, affectionate, caring and non- interfering, to sadly the “MIL from hell.
That is simply a matter or consequence of personalities and not how they are or wish to be addressed .

I tend to take my daughter and grandchildren shopping twice a year, spring and autumn.
They choose some clothes they like and I pay for them.
I do buy bits in between, but never for the twelve year old, I’d be guaranteed to get that wrong.
My other daughter is not a single parent, and hers are older. But I take the youngest one shopping, and she always chooses.

My daughter and I share a Next delivery pass (£20/year for as many deliveries as you want to multiple addresses). I will ask what she needs from time to time and she will simply send me the link to what she would like so I can order it, pay for it and have it sent to her address. This might not be what everyone wants but it works really well for us

MawtheMerrier wrote On your own admission ...

No, I stated it, not admitted it.

The fact of the matter is that one lady was upset because her daughter-in-law never addressed her by anything.

> A mother in law is not an Aunt, so nobody in their right mind refers to her as such.

A child addressing a female friend of his or her mother as Auntie is not uncommon, so a person addressing his or her mother-in-law as Auntie is in much the same style, in fact more appropriate.

How should a woman address her mother-in-law? As Mrs Smith, which is after marrage quite possibly how she herself is known to people,? As mum, if she doesn't feel right about it as she has her own mother? As Jane, if she feels that the family tree generational difference makes her feel awkward about it? Not address her as anything - and risk her mother-in-law feling miffed? Or address her, if so invited, as Auntie Jane, warmly and lovingly, while respecting the generational difference within the structure of the family?

The bit about "nobody in their right mind" is just you saying that. If the Auntie Jane format works in some particular family then, in my opinion, that is fine and a perfectly sane option. It might be just the thing so that the mother-in-law knows that she is regarded as if an aunt, close but not too close.

Seems to me that buying new clothes for GC every touch and turn is wherein the problem lies, and not just the OP, judging by all the comments.

Far too many clothes bought for far too many children, many of them unliked, unworn, unneeded (if that’s actually a word!), unwanted and unnecessary.

Back off, all you proud GP’s, and stick to buying presents at Christmas and birthdays.