Any wise words on leaving this mortal coil

As a family we've always had cremations for as long as I remember, but what to do with the ashes has been a bit vague.

When my husband and I were making our wills, he answered the phone one day and called across to me that they wanted to know what I want done with my ashes.
I was taken by surprise and said, "I have no idea, put scatter me in the Caribbean sea for all I care!"

So that's what my will says ?
And my husband keeps reminding me to make sure I leave him enough money to take me ?

Burial will become more of a difficult option as there's more and more full graveyards at many churches. Some local authorities are creating them but with a shortage of land I don't think it will be many.
As far as the fear of still being alive - which can be a real one, I think I'm right in saying that undertakers drain all the bodily fluids and then fill us with some preservatives so there's still a viable body when the funeral actually happens, often weeks after the death. I think that's different for those faiths that demand burial within a day or so, I'd be more worried then!

Blondiescot

It used to be very common for people to state in their will that they wanted their jugular vein to be severed by the undertaker - just to make absolutely sure that they were dead!
And I know I've said this on other threads on a similar topic, but if you've given instructions that you want your body to be donated to science, you need to have a Plan B in case they won't accept the body. This can happen for any number of reasons - they may already have their full quota of bodies at the time - as happened when my mum died.

I don't think you can just say you want to donate your body to science without planning this well in advance.

As BlondieScot says, they don't accept everyone.

My FIL wanted to donate his body but didn't organise this so it didn't happen. He was cremated.

There was a TV programme on a while ago about two people suffering from terminal cancer who had been accepted to donate their bodies to medical science. The programme interviewed them whilst they were alive and it followed through to how they were used for medical science. The gentleman was preserved in formaldehyde used by medical students to learn about the body generally. The lady was frozen and used for doctors to practice hip replacements. Once defrosted the body had to be used within three months.

A few months later, the hospital arranged a memorial service for all of the people who had donated their bodies over the previous few months. The family members attended and there were photographs of the people who donated.

Sorry if it all sounds a bit morbid but the process of medical donation was something I was not aware of until seeing the programme.

Espee, I have just seen your second response, thank you.

I had no idea that there would be a whole raft of 'doors', I had assumed only one or two. Of course, with ceremonies continually taking place there has to be more than a few 'doors' to provide room for everyone.

I will ring my local crematorium today and see if there is indeed a 'tour'. I would quite like to see the procedures you described and it would really set my mind at rest!

I must have a strange mind.........

Many thanks Espee and Maple123 for your responses.

I have for many years wondered about the process.

I loved your staying with the coffin, Espee and if I am not in it, I would like to do the same for my husband, should he go first.

A crematorium open day would be so interesting. I may enquire if our local one offers 'tours'. I hope that doesn't sound too ghoulish but I would find it interesting and it would put my mind even more to rest.

Thank you both for your insight into what is a really difficult time for most people.

After they have taken anything or everything i have left to science there won`t be much to cremate,i don`t want to be buried though as i don`t like the idea of rotting for years.

I am being cremated and evidently my youngest daughter is going to take me on a world tour and scatter bits of me all over the planet. I haven’t had the heart to tell her that it’s not allowed ? I don’t particularly want to die but I have told my kids that I want a shiny red coffin and no weeping and one hell of a send off party

Oh, I’ve just seen your other question Candelle. There were a bank of doors so many individual ovens. I can’t remember how many as I was concentrating on my husband.

I went to an open day at our new local crematorium just before it opened. The whole process was explained to us from entry at the first door, through whatever ceremony you choose and then behind the scenes. Great emphasis on respect for the deceased. Burning done by a technician who takes the name from the coffin and places it in a holder on the cremator door. ensuring the identity of the deceased is paramount throughout. The coffin does not go directly into the cremator as people vary in the time it takes. When the process is finished the remains are carefully collected into a labelled container. Any metal bits are set aside for recycling such as metal joints. The remains are then passed through a grinding machine and then placed into the final receptacle carefully labelled. Hope this is helpful and not too much information for some. I can only say I Iwas impressed by the care taken and I’m glad I went

Candelle, I stayed with my husband’s coffin while it was loaded into the furnace, the flames took hold and the stainless steel door descended. It was a seamless process so no delay whatsoever.
(I have no idea why I did that. It simply felt right at the time.)

Childofthe60s

As in embalming of the body, I should have added.

Embalming is not carried out routinely in this country.

Just take me away and cremate me with no audience while my family enjoy a meal and a drink.Glad I did not bury my wife as I now live 70 miles away.Her ashes were divided into 3 rose pots so we now all have a bit of her.

I'm going to be cremated and cremingled with my lovely husband
I'm having a cremation by Pure Cremations.

Interesting thread with so many opinions.

Out of interest would anyone be in the know about how crematoria actually work - in terms of when a coffin 'goes through the final curtain', how long is it before the body is actually cremated?

Additionally, how do they sort out the remains? Is a furnace swept really well, completely, after each cremation? Would there be time for this as there seems to be a real procession of services, one immediately after the other.

I have always been curious about the processes. Would anyone know answers?

is it up to me? or is it up to the mourners? there is part of me that can go along with the wicker casket under the tree..but if my children would rather cremate me..that will be their choice.
My mother had a great fear and antipathy against burial and I must agree that when my father died on a frosty January I was glad he wasn't in the cold ground.
And I have heard my daughter opine that visiting a grave would become a guilty neglect...
And I must agree with others that going round a graveyard and seeing the past pomp so neglected is salutary. But then I always loved visiting them and reading them and was sorry that none of my family had a gravestone. My dad had a seat in Richmond Park but it was in Pembroke Lodge which didn't allow dogs in...fancy going to Richmond Park without your dog. My dad was born in the park.
So I suppose I kind of think...whatever...
opinions might change with climate crisis I mean isn't cremation climate unfriendly? I would happily rest beneath a tree and become part of the fungi. Do you think one should organise it and pay for that in advance? Oh look the floor needs sweeping. No idea.

If the teaching school will have me I'm donating myself.
I really was quite fascinated with Gunter Von Hagens plastination for a while too.
But I'm aware if the teaching school doesn't need/want me I will have to have a back up plan.

I have told my son to make sure there are two weeks between my death and cremation.

Here in N.Ireland we can be buried or cremated in a couple of days, they don't hang about. As there is just my sister and I, my friend got me to write down all that I want when I die if my sister goes first.
The first thing I wrote down was please keep me for a week and keep poking me to make sure I'm definitely gone before they throw me in the fire, with a big smiley face. My friend was horrified and didn't think funny at all. I've told them all to write messages all over my coffin with black marker rather than have a memorial book they have at the funeral as there's no one to give it to. I know some will have some cracker messages written on it, pity I won't see them.... Oh and no black clothes, colours please.

I think I have been worried about either method after seeing several detective programmes about when someone has woken up when thought dead !

Calendargirl

snowberryZ

I want someone to come to the undertakers before hand and pinch me really hard and generally check to make sure I'm not in a coma
Imagine waking up as they're about to shove you in the oven

My father was cremated, and a while after, my boyfriend and I went to see the latest James Bond film, can’t remember which one, and it featured a scene where James was in a coffin, going into the crematorium, and flames roaring round.

It bothered me at the time, made Dad’s exit seem very real.

James escaped, of course.

That was Diamonds are Forever. And someone opened up the coffin as they thought JB had the diamonds! That film was from 1976 and I agree that crematorium scene gave me the shudders.

What a horrible thread! My daughters know my wishes , including music ... Bonzo Dog ‘Delicious Hot, Disgusting Cold’ . If you don’t know it and want cheering up , look it up. Off to listen to it t now !

Woodland Burial is the only acceptable way for me, being a nature lover. I remember being relieved when such a place was opened in our area. So peaceful.

Depressing topic

My husband and I have discussed this ‘transition’ as it were and have opted for body donation. We ran it past our children and they supported it. I hope only that when the time comes either he or I have the heart to go through with it.
ps having shared flats with medical students years ago, I wonder….

As in embalming of the body, I should have added.