Not planning to have a funeral

What happens to your cadaver after death happens for the benefit of those you have left. You will not be there, so I really do not think you should dictate to your family/friends what should happen.

I dislike the whole idea of people who try to control what happens when they are no longer here, especially over something like disposing of a dead body

For that reason I am leaving it all to my children to decide what they want to do after I die. I have expressed a few preferences, but it will be up to them.

Funeral plans are for the living and I am sure a lot of family and friends give mouth service to the plans of the living dead, but once the death happens, are you really, really sure that that is what will happen?

It also strikes me as incredibly selfish to think that you can dictate to other people how they should mourn you and get closure.

I know exactly what you mean about the closure and I am on the fence - as someone currently going through this it still doesn't seem real and I still can't believe he is actually gone (not helped by the way it all happened), but we don't have the ashes yet so maybe that will help.

I think if you go for direct cremation it's important to have a plan for the ashes, and also to be clear about whether you want any kind of memorial/gathering and if so what. Then that would probably take the place of a funeral and help towards closure.

No funeral, cremation and scattering of ashes. My late father 90 had this, lost sensible thing ever. I think Covid has changed peoples ideas.

i had cancer 3 years ago and as i am on my own i thought this is the time to talk to my son about me not being here, i want to be cremated with no service and my ashes scattered, i said to my son he can scatter them or the undertaker can. he was fine about it, we lost his dad when he was 16 and he went through so much as the funeral was arranged by my husbands sister and was nothing like my husband wanted. my family are not happy but at the end of the day, all that matters is me and my son.

I've made sure that the one in charge when I'm gone is NOT a member of my family and knows that I, like so many of you, want a direct cremation with no ceremony. I then want my ashes mixed with those of my 2 baby daughters (which I have kept for over 50 years for this reason only) and all of us scattered together.

I know Brian will do exactly what I ask of him and although it shouldn't matter - after all, I won't be around - somehow it does.

I told my husband to put me out with the bins. It's probably illegal though............

When my close friend - let’s call her Sue - lost her father, her mother decided on a direct funeral. Sue was fine with it until she and her German cousin visited the family grave in the Jewish cemetery in east Berlin. The fashion in the thirties had been for big marble memorials to which names were added as people passed away. For obvious reasons there were no names after 1943, and Sue and her cousin used the occasion to mourn the unmourned. Sue then remarked that her own daughter would never have the opportunity to pay the same respect to her grandfather, and regretted her mother’s decision.

I’ve told our girls - no funerals but go out for a meal together instead. In my view no need for collecting ashes and having plans for them either.
My view is that its better to be kind to people whilst they are alive. Flowers and fuss and parties much better then!

I don't want a funeral either , but a friend died in January with no funeral then . It felt 'incomplete ' so I held my own for him . His favourite film and food , watched and consumed all on my own . Best funeral ever . Today , however there's to be a memorial service for both him and his mother who died 2 weeks after him . I will go .

I bought my funeral out of my lump sum when I retired.

Service in the last church I worked in (or now maybe in the chapel of the place where I live, although parking is lousy).

Burial at a green site in North Yorkshire, where my dogs are/will be - nobody there but the priest.

Everyone else stays in the building for a fuddle.

My mum died afoul years ago. There was no funeral. It was devastating. There’s no place to go, to hold on to her, if you know what I mean. My husband and I want a small, cheap funeral and have paid for it. But I’ve told the children if they feel the need, to organise some sort of gathering themselves

Mine is all done and dusted. I don’t want a funeral so i have made sure i get what i want.it was what my husband wanted and it was amazing instead of a wake we had a wonderful day of celebration no black and no crying.

I’d only like blood family there .
Mass and burial or cremation. Whatever the children wish, either is ok. The less money spent the better.
We had a neighbour who didn’t want anyone at their funeral. It was only the undertakers. Sad.
I only want the family and don’t want the hangers-on, who only have their hands out. Simple bye bye and prayers will be fine.
Hope it’s not too soon.

What is a direct funeral?

Direct funeral for me and the children an go for a meal Do not want anyone to attend My mother aged96had planned her funeral but when she died my brother interfered No friends came all dead .He changed the hymns Fiid in a hotel got wasted we were meant to go to pub next door it was awful

Gosh! I'm so sorry, Barmeyoldbat! I have a small family and group of friends, but I can't imagine doing what some on here have suggested. I don't think funerals are old-fashioned. For Pete's sake, human beings have been burying their dead with dignity, respect and tradition for thousands of years. We're Irish, Scottish, etc so we'll not be ostentatious, but will for sure have the typical sort of wake for our tribe, followed by the rosary, Mass, and burial at Resurrection Cemetery just down the road. Many a toast will be had I hope.

I want what my children want as I will have no part to play and no knowledge of what is done or not. A picnic on the beach where I grew up sounds a lovely idea. We have spent many happy hours with extended family there in the past and I would like to think of them altogether supporting one another.

Sending strength barmeyoldbat. You sound like a loving and supportive family. ?

People thought me strange when I said ' I don't want a funeral ' people I've not seen or been in contact with for years coming out of the woodwork to morn and spout about how sad they are, ' yeh right!!'
I'd rather see people whilst I'm still alive and breathing please!!
I just want taking to the crem, and then my ashes spread in my special place by my kids and then they can go have a good meal on me and moan, laugh and reminisce about me and move in on...

My husband has decided he would like direct cremation I'm fine with that I'd rather not give his children the opportunity to make public declarations of grief when they give him no time or care while he lives Win win

I’ve paid for my cremation. My remains will be collected, and after cremation I’ll end up in a rose filled Garden of Remembrance.
I could have opted for my remains to be presented to my children in an attractive urn, but felt I’d rather be in a garden I’ve already seen and approved of.
Death is bad enough to cope with. I don’t want my family to have anything to cope with except their own feelings.

I’m another in agreement with ScotGranny3. After my parents funerals, my children talked with us about our wishes.

I absolutely agree ScotGranny3. Same here.

Thank you Fannycornforth.

Barneyoldbat Thinking of you

I have attended the funerals of two good friends in the last 18 months.
The service at the crematorium allowed family and friends to share a time of huge sadness, to be reminded of our friends' specialness and their lives. We wept, we laughed , we shared memories, we comforted one another & we said goodbye. One funeral was at a time when we could not have a wake the other we were able to have a longer time to share in the company of mutual friends & others who also loved & knew our friend. Funerals & wakes are significant for me in marking a life.
Neither of my parents has a grave/ memorial & that is not a problem for me but I know for others that is very important.