Suddenly worried about driving - did this happen to you?

I am 80 next year and over the last three years I have lost confidence in driving. I make myself drive the car to the shops a couple of times a week but I prefer to go on the bus. I have avoided night driving for many years now as my night vision is poor. DH has just started to lose confidence in driving on unfamiliar roads, he is also 80 next year. It is probably part of the ageing process.

I have very determindly contiued driving on motorways and on long journeys. DH had a heart attack and other problems last year and before that his licence was suspended for three months when he was diagnosed with sleep apnoea.

We live in a large and busy village, but local buses do not take us to where we actually want to go and our children live 100 and 200 miles away with no easy public transport links.

The fact that each time he couldn't drive I could just step seamlessly into his car, adjust the seat and mirrors and then drive anywhere, including to our home in France was invaluable.

I intend to keep all my motoring skills on all kinds of roads honed for as long as possible. The one thing we have both had to bow before is the fact that both of us find night driving a lot more difficult than it was.

I have had to take over the wheel since my husband's sight went. I've always hated driving but seem to be regaining confidence. My husband was an excellent and enthusiastic driver so it must be difficult for him to lose this ability and then try not to criticise my driving. (He is usually very patient.) I only drive locally but at least we can get to hospital appointments and lunch out. I don't mind driving at night if the street lighting is good but modern headlights are dazzling sometimes. I guess if you don't want to lose it you have to use it!

I like driving but avoid motorway driving at night as the oncoming traffic lights dazzle me. My night vision has definitely deteriorated.

I've been driving since 1960 and have no intention of giving up just yet. I haven't done long distances since the time when I found myself dropping off as the wheels of a juggernaut passed me uncomfortably close. It turned out that I was hypothyroid which sometimes made me dozy. When I had to change my car last year, the one I bought was described by the dealer as 'a shopping car' which has proved ideal, as I'm not so good at walking nowadays. Long journeys - by train now that the risk of Covid has reduced.

Grandma70s

I don’t drive - can’t bear the thought of it. My husband did, and my sons do. I use taxis. Much cheaper than buying and running a car, and you don’t have to park them.

Do you never need to do longer journeys, Grandma70s? Our local public transport is very good so I use my car an awful lot less than I used to, and could certainly manage locally without a car, but I’d certainly miss it for the 60 mile journey to a dd.

There is a reasonable and fairly convenient way by public transport, but I wouldn’t be able to take all the stuff I so often do - not just an overnight bag, but also usually the dinner for that night! Not that dd/SiL are too lazy to cook, or expect me to feed them, but they’re both working more or less full time with 3 little ones, so I like to ease the load just a bit when I can.

www.rospa.com/road-safety/advice/drivers/older

I'm in my 80s and still driving, the only drawback being that I don't cope well in the dark - but as i don't need to drive in the dark its not a problem.
However I notice other people (who may or may not ever have witnessed my driving) keep making their views known - that they don't think people 'over 70' or 'over 80' should drive. It worries me that they are implying I am not safe merely because of my age - surely you can't draw an imaginary line and declare all drivers should hand in their licenses at some arbitory age?
ROSPA offer a free assessment which I took a few months ago - you don't pass or fail, they just point out things you should brush up on. I recommend it.

I don’t drive - can’t bear the thought of it. My husband did, and my sons do. I use taxis. Much cheaper than buying and running a car, and you don’t have to park them.

mumski

Some of my friends really annoy me as they airily declare "I don't like driving so my DH can drive me". Well lucky old them but god forbid if any thing happens to their DH they are going to be stuck!.
You have to keep practicing. Driving is the same as anything else "Use it or lose it".

Also it means the ones of us that are driving have to ferry them around

My mother was like this. She’d had her own car for years, but once my father retired and they had just the one, she never drove any more.

So once he fell very ill, it was a case of forcing herself back behind the wheel again, and to her credit, she did it, in order to make possible the otherwise very awkward journey to the hospital. (Using taxis would never have occurred to her - she could have afforded them but to her they were an extravagance too far.)

He died a couple of years later, and she did continue to drive for maybe 10 years, until giving up through increasing nervousness at about 80.

At 70+ I’m still fine in the daytime, but won’t drive any more on unlit country (or any other unmarked) roads after dark. IMO it’s pretty usual for nighttime vision to deteriorate as you get older - mine certainly has, though it’s fine otherwise.

What did make me nervous until fairly recently was driving to a dd in my previous very old car, in case it died on me on the 6 lane section of the invariably very busy M25.

After trading it in for a mere 2 year old, no problem. ? that will still be the case for a few years yet.

Some of my friends really annoy me as they airily declare "I don't like driving so my DH can drive me". Well lucky old them but god forbid if any thing happens to their DH they are going to be stuck!.
You have to keep practicing. Driving is the same as anything else "Use it or lose it".

Also it means the ones of us that are driving have to ferry them around

I’ve driven since I was 17. Long solo journeys since Mr M died but during lockdown trips have obviously been restricted. Ive always been relatively confident but am considering an advanced driver’s session. I’ve not had any road ‘education’ since passing the test 56 years ago. I’m sure I could do with some updating ?.

I'm very cautious by nature most of the time. I learned to drive about 12 years ago. I'm not adventurous and feel safer sticking to the roads that I know. I've been told that I am capable of doing more but I don't want to. I think you have to do what you feel comfortable with.

I'm 84 and still enjoy driving. I no longer drive at night owing to a cataract (I'm on a waiting list to have it removed).
Hopefully after that I can drive at night again. Meanwhile I am perfectly alright in the daytime, having full permission from the optician to drive as long as I always wear my new glasses.

it is lucky I wish autocorrect wouldn't adjust correct words!

I know this sounds a silly thing to post but I think some places are darker than others too. Urban areas tend to be well lit and easier to navigate in the dark but even in the rain it can be a bit confusing. Some rural areas are so dark that even big A roads are not lit very well in places and become difficult to drive in certain months of the year, especially in rain. This would be the case whatever your age. I am not confident driving in the dark and rain in a lot of places round here in the winter months so it's luckily I don't work shifts!

I can understand mrsnonsmoker but don't give up on yourself. The standard of driving these days is appalling and the 'Theory Test' that potential drivers have to take is not in comparison to The Highway Code. I very often see driving instructors teaching pupils incorrectly and fear they are only out for money. Infuriating 'middle laners' on the motorway are a nuisance but as with a lot of drivers, they don't even know what they are doing wrong ?

Like Poshpaws I was content to be a passenger for a number of years. As our cars got bigger, my confidence decreased exponentially until I gave up altogether. Then, suddenly, I was faced with having to do the driving again. It’s taken me a while to get cosy with the car, and I will never be able to drive motorways, but I am confident that I can at least get us from A to B across the city when I need to. Like others, I do hate driving at night. MOnica’s mature driver review sounds like a good idea.

I've always been a confident driver and dislike being driven as tbh so many people are dreadful However, I've driven less during the pandemic and was conscious that although I'm fine on the roads I'm familiar with, driving somewhere new feels a little more stressful. I drove at night to a new place recently and I was shocked at how nervous I felt. I think it's important to keep driving but to prepare well if it's to a new place and to give myself plenty of time. I'd certainly consider taking the "Mature driver's review" if I thought I needed it, what a good idea! fwiw the first signs of my father's dementia showed in his driving and he kept having little accidents that he said were caused by other drivers!

Thankfully older people, as well as having more years behind them, mostly also have wisdom. This makes them realise when their driving is becoming unsafe, and they take the right steps.

I do not drive on motorways, as I do not think my reaction times are quick enough for the actions of the manic speeders all around me. I only drive at night in places I know well, and not at all if there is rain as the combination of the bright lights heading towards me and the lights reflecting off the puddles and rain is confusing and unpleasant.

It is all a pain in the rear end as I live in the middle of nowhere and driving is my freedom. But needs must.

The Institute of Advanced Motorists runs an assessment drive for older people. It is called the Mature Driver Review and costs £65. www.iamroadsmart.com/courses/mature-driver-review. Perhaps doing this would help.

I feel that if your instinct is telling you that you are not safe to drive you should pay attention. You will be a danger, not only to yourself and your passengers, but other road users and pedestrians.
I have seen many unsafe older drivers on the road causing danger to others usually through poor decision making in heavy traffic and travelling way below the speed of the other vehicles.
Why put yourself through the stress of driving when not 100% capable. Giving up for the sake of everyone is the right thing to do.

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I'm younger than wwm2 but agree with her post.