If adult children didn’t suggest meet ups as often as you’d like…

It may not be as often as you like but must be as often as they like or they would arrange something.

Younger people tend to have jobs, children, and friends as well as shopping, cleaning, and household tasks to fit in.

Jaxjacky has the right idea, to plan a meet-up far in advance.

We don’t see a lot of my children socially. I speak to both my adult children almost every day and I look after my granddaughter one or two afternoons a week. But apart from them coming to us for Sunday lunch about once a month and birthdays, easter Christmas we don’t do much else all together. We do take our granddaughter out on trips occasionally and we are taking her on holiday in July while Mum and Dad go to a wedding. But they have busy lives and when they can get out they want to socialise with friends. We are very happy with this and have no conflicts.

My son and his family moved 200 miles away last year. Up until then we had looked after the GC one day/afterschool per week.

At the moment I think we are still finding our feet in relation to the new order of things re meeting up etc!! I suspect it will take some time around busy lives and varying priorities!

I think it’s very difficult to get it right.
One of my daughters lives a couple of hundred miles away, so we meet up somewhere every couple of months, with the rest of the family. Either do something like a theme Park for the children, or a National trust property, Kew is a favourite.
I might suggest doing something, but leave dates to them, and if nothing comes of it I don’t mention it again.
We have had one daughter and her children living with us for several years, so we obviously see plenty of them!
I’m quite easy going about it all. I’m sure that our relationship with our eighteen year old grandson will drift away, but his older sister we remain really close to.
I imagine that due to the circumstances, we will always have a really close relationship to the children who live here.

The most successful ones usually are Hithere.

Met my GC yesterday. Half term treat. In general conversation, I asked one about her cub meetings and then she spontaneously went on to tell me about her violin, swimming and netball classes on the other days. I had no idea. No wonder they can't fit me in! I do try to leave their weekends free for total family time as both parents work. I was a stay at home Mum and simply cannot imagine how they achieve what they do. Quite remarkable really. I used to think I was run off my feet and even recollect my lovely Mum complaining that she didn't see enough of us. Blimey! Trouble is (as is often said here) we retirees often have all the time in the world whereas our children have little or none of it to spare. Most realistic comment I've seen on here so far is 'get used to it'. Unfortunate but sadly accurate.

Yes, a relationship should be reciprocal.

Meet ups do change over years. When the GC were small we looked after them once a week, I cooked endless Sunday lunches and we saw a lot of the nearby family. Now they are almost grown up, so many interests and things they do, AC all working full time, I do an occasional lunch and we see them when we can. I suppose we could get upset about it but what would be the point, we are lucky nobody has fallen out it is just life. This week we had the pleasure of cat sitting maybe this is the way forward

Im really in the same situation as Henetha, my AC work crazy shifts, so in the main I leave it to them to arrange things, but they understand and appreciate it.

My Mum just tells me when she is going to see me, on what date and what time.

My children appear to do the same with me.

I obviously cannot organise anything myself!

Yes I would suggest them myself. My eldest is busy with his young life but always answers me when I reach out. My second eldest is more likely to contact me first but I still reach out to him just as much.

Even though they are both very different I don't feel any less loved or wanted by either

Meet-ups always seem to just happen, sometimes there is a reason, sometimesit is because we haven't seen each other for a while, sometimes an opportunity arises.

it is often difficult to work out who actually instigated the discussion abouta meet-up.

Diaries. I an literate but careless?

I suppose once my children were adults and living in other towns and with partners, I looked at it in the same light as arranging a meet-up with friends.

Diary’s at the ready and when’s a good time for both.

I didn’t expect any more or any less.

I was discussing this with a friend recently. I said it's our daughter and granddaughter doing everything together. I said 'I wonder where I fit in?' She said 'You don't. Accept it'.

We saw quite a lot of our son and family when the GC were younger. We did afternoon school runs twice a week, gave them their tea and saw DS for a few minutes when he collected them. (DIL being at work).

Fast forward a few years, GC are now 17 and 14 respectively. No longer need to be picked up from school, obviously, and they get their own meals when parents are working. They all have their own interests especially at weekends, and although we only live a few minutes away, really don’t see or hear much of any of them.

Have been drafted in to look after the guinea pigs this week as they have been away for half term.

Think DH feels it more than me, as I always warned him we wouldn’t see so much of them when we weren’t ‘needed’ as much.

If we invite them for Sunday tea, for example, if it clashed with a big football match on tv, they wouldn’t come, which is fair enough, but I suppose I don’t offer very often, wait for them to indicate if they are free.

The GC probably find us oldies not very ‘cool’ either.

We schedule well ahead, already got Easter Sunday meal at ours on their radar. Never been let down unless due to illness.

They both work and have busy lives, we respect that.

In our case they never suggest anything, it’s certainly not a case of putting themselves out there and feeling rejection (I have this with my DM! She says no all the time and I am reluctant to suggest things as often). My friend says it is the same for her family. PIL had an open invite when I was on maternity leave and came only once when DH was working. That’s largely what made me pull back, the realisation that they aren’t interested in me.

I have noticed it among others at baby and toddler groups lately too, and similar to a thread on here where some said it seems more common for some GPs to come on GN seeking what some may perceive as over involvement with their GC, off GN I am noticing what I describe above quite often!

The trouble is that if you get 'We're busy that day' or 'Sorry we can't' you tend to give up asking. There has been no estrangement with our daughter but we have gone from doing so many things together to next to nothing. It would be nice to go shopping or for a coffee or something. We meet up but it's rare now. I been very hurt over the years so now just go with the flow.

Yes, I would, but very carefully and not often. With mine, I always found that they prefer to set up the visiting days and times, mainly because their lives are so busy whereas I'm retired. I've usually been invited, on average, about once a week for a meal with them, plus any babysitting requirements.
I have on occasions invited them to me for a meal, and that's always been well received. But generally I wait for suggestions and then just fit in. They are all grown up now however, and it's different. But I still see them regularly.

Add to that Redhead the risk of being seen as too needy, controlling and only being interested in the GC.

Should have put ‘ busy’.

Maybe grandparents have suggested meet ups etc but been told that plans are already in place for certain days. Priority has been given for one side of the family who always manage to see grandchildren.

There are only so many times grandparents can request meet-ups and are let down so they stop asking. This can happen in any family no matter how the relationship is being rejected can be off putting.

There are only so many times GPs can issue invitations, suggestions, hints, directly and indirectly , without sounding needy, but if AC don’t accept fir whatever reason there is little GPs can do. Parents have to want to fit GPs into their busy lives. and patience and fortitude may be required.

If I could I would, to see the family and not just the GC. You ask what holds some GP's back, well there are plenty of examples on GN of how a GP wanting to see more of their GC can be miss interpreted.

It seems to me that if such a request is made, it should be done with extreme caution.