Exhausted with entertaining grandchild

Gosh, it's exhausting just reading this thread Lots of interesting suggestions though and it's making me think about what I can realistically expect of myself in the quest to be a good grandma to our just-about-to-toddle granddaughter.

Husband and I are both in 70s. I'm physically and mentally more knackered than he is so I need him there to wrestle with heavy lifting and the complexities of the car seat and the fiendish fastener on the buggy.

So far we have made a good team but cracks are beginning to show! We are both control freaks and there's a certain amount of stress creeping into the partnership. From a selfish point of view I'm the expert, 'cos I read the baby book, don't I? So when DH starts using a stern voice to a 14 month old on why she shouldn't do things I then have to further deplete my low energy banks by giving him a lecture. Then there's the nappy changing scenario. Takes two of us.. him at the "Keep her hands occupied" end, me at the business end confronting some brain numbing popper configuration followed by horrendous reveal of poo spreadage ... then DH makes loud vomiting noises and I have to deliver a lecture on how he'll give her a complex about her body functions ...It's all so exhausting .. I have enough trouble dealing with my own bowels!

No, I'm living in fantasy land. I need to re-think what contribution I can reasonably make.

In the meantime does anyone have contact details for Supernanny?

I agree wholeheartedly with Peasblossom. I had my third child, a boy at the age of forty seven when I didn’t have the energy I’d had at twenty when my first, a girl was born. My girls had grown up and left home when he came along so it was a shock to the system. However, he was very self sufficient and would play for hours in his sandpit with his toy diggers etc, or outside peddling his toy tractor around the garden. I’d take him to the local playground where there was an old tractor donated by a farmer and he'd “drive” that forever while I sat on a bench and read my paper and had a coffee. My eldest daughter had young children if her own and we’d go for long days out in the woods with a picnic. The children would build dens out of branches and fallen leaves and we sat on a rug and chattered. I know you perhaps can’t do all this OP but at least think about a sandpit. I had ours in the conservatory in the winter, just swept up the sand at the end of the day and tipped it back in. Outside, remember to cover it when not in use to keep cats out.
As Peasblossom said you don’t have to be engaged in everything he does, it’s good for him to play on his own sometimes.

You are doing heroic work. I know exactly what you mean. It's probably not so much that you have to entertain him, it's being responsible for a child that isn't your own. You suddenly become hypervigilant. An overnight stay is lovely but whole weekends at a time are too much. Why is his stay so long? You might find it easier for a shorter period. It does all get easier as they get older, though!

My GS & his wife are home educating their 3 children ages 4-9 I am full of admiration for all the things they do. All day and every day. I would find one day exhausting. I only get to see it on facebook so I can't help as they are far away.

Mothers and fathers don’t spend every hour of the day playing with their children. They have other jobs to do and they have a life. So why don’t grandparents view it in the same way? Yes, I have looked after my two grandsons and absolutely adored it, but they had to accept that sometimes I had some hoovering to do or a bit of baking. They took their turn and I don’t think that at 17 and 13 but they have shown any signs of disadvantage.

Peasblossom, I totally agree with you, children need time to play by themselves, using their own imagination, I’m sure we didn’t have this constant adult attention, something else I think is important, encouraging children to help tidy their toys after play, teaching them to put on their own shoes and coats, this can also encourage independence

I know times have changed but - why have children so your parents can look after them? Some women are natural “earth mothers” and thrive on children and others (me included) resent their constant demands and need for attention and interaction. This is probably my upbringing where parents gave me life and somewhere to live ( full board and laundry) but the rest was up to me - certainly no parental entertainment. Children need to be bored out of their brains sometimes (remember Sunday afternoon?). Parenting seems to be a competitive sport these days with the threatening shadows of guilt if their offspring are not constantly occupied. Sadly today you do not see snotty nosed grubby creatures playing in the streets from dawn till dusk, having other children to play with is the best entertainment of all, and the best way to burn off energy. No wonder so many of you fantastic self-sacrificing GPs are knackered and resentful - I salute you all, I couldn’t have done it. Seriously if you’ve had enough talk to the parents before you get too resentful - having grandchildren should be all the fun without the responsibility.

Absolutely nothing I'm just the same, always have been even with my 3 kids when they were young, it's a frightful age, toddlerdom!

I never saw much of my grandparents as a child. A visit maybe once a quarter to either 1 or the other set although we did usually spend Christmas at my mothers parents with all my aunts, uncles and cousins and I will always treasure that. I feel privileged therefore to be a part of my grandchildren's lives. I look after them (boy 5, girl 3 now) 1 day a week and it is absolutely exhausting, but luckily, hubby cooks or we get a takeaway on those evenings so I can sit and watch mindless tv and recouperate. I take an activity (cooking/crafting) and also have printed sheets with age appropriate activities I get from the internet but more often than not I just go along with being a zookeeper or visitor to their cafe or doctor or vet - whatever they decide (or I sometimes suggest) and we just enjoy each other's company - although they do have to compromise a bit sometimes ("no nanny can't be a vet under the table but will have her office chair at the side of the under-table animal hospital").

No, my parents never played with me and my sisters, either. They would just step in when we were about to kill each other.

I agree with peasblossom that DGD should be able to play while you are making dinner as long as it isn't restaurant standard just showing you bits And bobs of what they're doing. My and my DH do more of a tag system where I take DGD whos 2.5 for a morning walk we have lunch together then DH reads to her and plays in the afternoon while I put my feet up ! Seems to work OK for us !

I guess what I am just trying to say, madgran77, is that you can make it as much fun for yourself as it is for your grandchild/children. I used to have a 6 hour drive to see my grandchildren, and I’d stay for a few days, then have a 6 hour drive home. Now my daughter and her family have moved home and are a half-hour drive away, I make the most of seeing them and having fun with them. I missed them like mad when I couldn’t see them. Every minute with them is a blessing (even if it’s exhausting).

Absolutely agree, Peasblossom, I have an excellent memory of my early years for some strange reason, and generally speaking my younger sister and I were very much left to our own devices. I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have wanted it any other way. We weren't ignored or anything, and there was always a grown up around to look out for us or show us what to do, but they never actually played with us to my recall, which goes back to 3 1/2 years. We both went to uni, both have professions, and sis has a PhD, so I don't think it did us any great harm educationally! We were taken to the library once a week and mum must have done some sort of deal because from around age 9 I had six tickets and was allowed books from the adult section. That was probably the most useful activity (sis used hers to read "101 Dalmatians" eleven times on the trot - and became a vet...)

We have our great grandson every friday he is 3 1/2 and always on the go. I am lucky as my husband and I tag team him, an hour with papa then my turn, then papa again and so on. With me we play with toys, make cakes, read books and do craft. With my husband they do bike riding mow the lawn play with tools and make things. If its sunny we all swim in the pool. Then about half an hour before he is to be picked up we have quiet time on the ipad.

One GC lives a short flight away. When he was born I used to visit for a week once a month. When he git to the interactive stage I loved being left in charge when his parents were out or at work. Visits to the park, soft play, local farm park even when just toddling a walk around the area, amazing the amounts of people who stopped and chatted to him. As he grew and developed treasure hunts in the house and garden playing with water at the kitchen sink,the usual play doh, painting, sticking, glueing hide and seek, baking, building train sets. Goodness what you can do is endless. Unfortunately the special time of them being so young ends so quickly.

I have my 2.5 year old Grandaughter every Thursday.Love having her but she is very "Challenging".
I take her to a Local Toddler Group which is great.
She loves running round for 2 hours and I can relax knowing she cannot get out.
We then catch the bus to town and have something to eat.
Then we go to mine and we either bake cakes watch a film do a jigsaw or her favourite run the length of the room and I have to hug her
Mum picks her up in time to pick Grandson up from school
I put my head down and nod off as I think I deserve it.
Love having her and it is exhausting.
Usually take both Grandkids out on Sat morning for a few hours
But i never have them overnight except in an emergency.
But other nana quite happy to do this
3 days is alot and would suggest cutting it to 2 days

I have been part time carer for youngest DGD since her other grandmother died when DGD was just 5 years old .
The first 3 years was the worst when she expected me to play with her constantly. We played shops , cafes , and lots of other stuff . I am disabled so it all wore me out.
Thankfully she has just turned 10 so I only have another 18 months till she is off to secondary school and I won’t be needed anymore . She doesn’t need me to play anymore, she FaceTimes her friend and makes up games with them , leaving me to read etc . She’s a lovely child , but can be such hard work .

Yes it’s really hard work. And exhausting! TV was heavily rationed at home so watching it at mine was a treat. I used to put on YouTube videos of classical concerts. She was mesmerised by all the instruments being played and loved the music. She was 3/4. All too soon that became boring and she wanted American cartoons ( sighs from me ) Other activities included painting with proper watercolour paints on nice paper, they have really vibrant and intense colours , potato prints, cooking, baking, water play in the garden, planting bulbs, washing kitchen doors( her idea), bubbles in the sink, dressing up my tailors dummy with my clothes, finding matching buttons in the button box, on a tray , ( you often see jars of them in charity shops for a couple of pounds) . A good one is timing them and seeing how many times they can jump in a minute or run to the bottom of the garden and back. That uses lots of energy! Pressing flowers and making cards with them. Making water gardens in bowls.. floating leaves and flowers they collect from the garden, filling up bird feeders,etc.
I found if I got engrossed too the time passed more quickly.
I think it’s ok to say grandma is tired and we need to do something quiet for a bit!

I’m sure the other grand parents you know feel the same as you . But we are live in a society where we have to hide our feelings The fact we may feel guilty over over having our grandchildren would make us feel awful I’ve got grandchildren I was having them every weekend but I found them so tiring that I’ve told the parents that one weekend a month I’m not having any children I’m having time to myself. Also two weekends a month I do one night not the two as much as I love them and enjoy having them I’m too old to be a mum yet again

Part of this seems to be the nature of your GC too, always needing watching! Our GC would happily have run off with any other family who were doing something more interesting! And was nonstop or asleep, but had very little sleep! My own kids and relatives were nothing like that. Accept him as he is but learn to be firm too about granny time as long as he’s safe. Our GC thrives on routine. I fully agree with playgroups, library, park etc for mixing with other children.

I hate those soft play places, noisy and dirty

I think they should provide earplugs for adults, or a soundproof room where you can watch them but not hear them!

So good to hear l’m not alone - l found looking after my 2 GC aged from 2 up until they were 4 quite exhausting and boring - and that was just for one day - now they are 5 & 9 so much less demanding and a lot of fun. Don’t feel guilty - you are doing an amazing job of keeping him happy, safe and loved - which is what it’s all about?

As someone has mentioned, I think a lot depends on the age of the grandparents. We had our children when I was in my middle thirties and they have done the same. Consequently even though we are fairly fit and active, I am 75, my husband is 78 and have grandchildren aged 7, 4, 2 and 6 months. We currently look after the 2 year old - a boy, one day a week (along with their dog) - he’s like a tornado and I can’t see him having any ‘quiet’ time or sitting doing arts and crafts, colouring etc for more than 2 minutes. We have lots of toys and and mostly let him get on with racing round and just supervise him to make sure he doesn’t get into any danger. I’ve given up taking him to the park (and my DIL advised us against doing this) as he just runs around, and off at high speed without looking back. My son thinks it won’t be long before he gets diagnosed with ADHD as he’s nothing like his quiet ‘princess’ older sister but having had two boys myself I think he’s just like a lot of other 2 year old boys.
Yes it’s exhausting and I too am glad when it’s time for him to go home….. but like people say they’re little for only a short time.

Peasblossom

Going to be hit over the head with the Gransnet shovel, but personally, I don’t believe that constant adult attention and involvement in play is good for children.

An adult can never enter into that state of absorption and make believe that is an essential feature of children’s play. Adults are always wanting to move things along.

From a professional point of view the most difficult children in the classroom were those who could not do anything unless there was an adult with them. I vividly remember one little boy who didn’t know he could look at a book without his “grownup”.

Can I suggest OP that you leave him to play with trucks and trains by himself, just getting on with something of your own but being available to take notice when he makes a comment or shows you something. He probably will talk nonstop while he’s doing it but a lot of the time it is to themselves and they don’t really care whether you join in. In fact sometimes it breaks their absorption.

Anyway, enough of the early childhood lecture. ?? Breakfast awaits?

i agree with you. They need to learn to occupy themselves some of the time.

Trudes that all sounds very nice for you ? but I am unclear how that is going to help the OP who clearly is finding the care increasingly difficult.