Am I selfish/bad for wanting to enjoy my new year’s weekend instead of running errands for my mom?

Summerlove there are lots of clues mom, crowded malls, grocery store, favor

Hithere you ve no idea, the mother could be 90, disabled, or anything but the fact is the poster says quite clearly normally the Dad does all the shopping, driving etc but because he’s ill the mum has asked her for some help and she sounds quite petulant about a couple of weeks help there is nothing in her post to suggest the mother is wanting more than a bit of shopping whilst they are incapacitated …nothing wrong with that at all

Are you selfish ? Yes ,I believe you are .I cant imagine leaving a sick man and an elderly woman to fend for themselves in the current circumstances...or any circumstances to be honest .I certainly couldn't have done it .Like most on here I juggled businesses,home children with looking after my Mum ,I dont regret a minute of the time I spent with her right until her last breath

Calistemon

New poster?
Got everyone going?

?

Hope you didn't catch Covid when you were out celebrating on NYE, OP.

Absolutely! ???

Summerlove

Why are we assuming OP is in America?

As far as I can tell, their isolation period is 5 days, not 10.

Why?
Because she uses words like “Mom”, “neighbor” “New years”and “the mall”.
Yes I know we have shopping centres/malls in the U.K. but if you are headed to the Trafford Centre , Brent Cross or Bluewater, do you say you are going to “the mall” ?

I don’t understand the, doing your mother plenty of favours, don’t we all do things for loved ones. You sound resentful of your input. If you think you are doing too much have a chat about it, she is probably scared with your father being so unwell . I’m sure she would understand you saying you cant get the p j’s at the weekend.

Where is the love from the mother, making sure she doesnt become a burden for her AC?

New poster?
Got everyone going?

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Hope you didn't catch Covid when you were out celebrating on NYE, OP.

So did we Callistemon- forgot to mention them. I suppose the mantra was ' just do it'!

Aveline

M0nica doesn't sound like the OP is anywhere near a breakdown. I'm glad that you found your commute to look after your relative helped. I don't know why we didn't get near a breakdown when caring for elderly parents and in laws while working full time but somehow, like most people, we just did.

I also had young children Aveline.
Sometimes I felt like a piece of elastic but between us all, we managed it and I'm pleased we did.

Why are we assuming OP is in America?

As far as I can tell, their isolation period is 5 days, not 10.

M0nica doesn't sound like the OP is anywhere near a breakdown. I'm glad that you found your commute to look after your relative helped. I don't know why we didn't get near a breakdown when caring for elderly parents and in laws while working full time but somehow, like most people, we just did.

Hithere

Op's own mother can order her own PJs online herself

What is what some parents that they feel their AC owe them care?

I don't think it's permanent care but not helping out parents who are isolating because one has Covid and the OP wants to go out on NYE is just mean.

Thank goodness for my DC - we don't expect or ask for anything but they are there if we need them, as we are for them.

It's called love, Hithere.

What is that, not what

Op's own mother can order her own PJs online herself

What is what some parents that they feel their AC owe them care?

If your hangover permits, get online and order the pyjamas, getting them delivered to your mother's house

As for food - do you have online grocery shopping in the States?

If she's elderly, she may be getting forgetful or suffering with anxiety.

I’m asking if I’m selfish because my mom seems to be giving me the silent treatment
Or it may be she isn't phoning because she got short shrift from you, so realises she mustn't put any more demands on you, interrupting your social life and rest times.

Aveline The reason people have breakdowns and have to leave people they care for to the wolves is usually because they have never structured any 'me time' into their lives. Carers who can fit some 'me time' into their lives can often care more and for longer. It may be half an hour in the bath every morning.

What kept me sane when I had a period of caring for a relation living 20 miles away was driving between his house and mine, not along the quickest main road route, but by using the longer, country roads through woods and farmland. In the morning the drive through the green countryside, through little villages prepared me for the day ahead and the evening drive back helped me relax.

I would put money on not seeing OP back as she will not have received the 100% support she was presumably seeking. And she is presumably now recovering from her New Year’s Eve/Day partying anyway.
God help me if I were to go down with Covid and encountered a similar attitude from any of my three daughters. And God forgive me if I were ever to respond to them in a similar way.
No, I think OP has answered her own question - in the affirmative.

It’s not about getting stuff for your parents but the annoyance that you’re showing I think you are perfectly within your right to say I ll do the shopping but…..
On the other hand don’t we all make sacrifices for those we love
One parent is ill and the other obviously worried and feeling insecure and you’re having a huff and needing to ask on here if you re right or wrong seems strange to me
Might not be the best of ideas to go out New Year’s Eve if
you ve been with your mum who doesn’t know fully whether she’s infected or not !! But anyway that’s past now so who knows
It’s really shouldn’t be a big deal to pick something up for your mum on occasions when she can’t, without resentment as it sounds as if it’s a one off if your dad normally does it

When my parents were old and ill I didn't think twice about providing whatever help I could. I had a busy life and family of my own but thinking about 'me time' or what I 'deserved' just didn't enter my head.
Your parents are not going to get younger or need less support. Something to think about.

Btiwneyes Can you offer her 2 designated days a week when you'll do her shopping?

One of the nice things about buying online is it keeps you out of the malls and they deliver right to a person's door. Take advantage of it for your mom's nightgown since it is not an emergency.

If I am being honest, your reaction to your mothers demands does suggest you really resent her intrusion into your “you” time.
Wanting to help poorly /isolating parents is, as Nadateturbe is not “people pleasing” it shows love. Perhaps your Mum is afraid she will end up in hospital (I know my PJs are not what I would want anybody to see!) or perhaps this is just an expression of her anxiety about your Dad. These are anxious times for all of us and a bit of slack can be cut on both sides.
You say you have done your Mum plenty of favours- don’t we all? And as a Mum, I would move mountains for my daughters. These are extraordinary times and many of us couldn’t enjoy Christmas or New Year - so are you surprised?
So at the risk of stating the obvious, instead of resenting her demands, couldn’t you meet her half-way and as suggested upthread, agree to a shopping list of essentials until they are both clear?

So what should she do? Martyr herself for them?

It’s not about the partying so much as it is about filling her emotional bucket. Fulfilled people help others better than empty people

That anyone would begrudge her taking time for herself, after she got her parents the necessities is mind blowing to me.

I’ve recently helped a relative who broke a bone and couldn’t drive. I went out of my way some days, but by and large stuck to a schedule on which days I could deliver. 3-4 times a week vs 7 days. I grocery shopped more in that six weeks than I do in 4 months. I suppose you’d think I left them to rot as well.

Summerlove such grudging support for elderly, ill patients doesn't bode well for their future. But hey ho as long as she gets her partying.

Why didn’t you ask her why she wanted gloves and sanitizer when she was in her own home with soap and running hot water