Alcoholic - is it too late?

Dry January is a wonderful excuse Borninthe50s, but if you try to stop drinking immediately I think the effects of the sudden withdrawal may make you go back to drinking. Instead, can you ration yourself? Can you initially say I won’t have more than one bottle of wine an evening in January and then during February I will cut that down to half a bottle (two big glasses) then in March I will get down to one glass? I will readily admit to drinking too many glasses of wine in the evening like Kate, however by the sound of things you’re not drinking during the day and that’s good. Can you commit yourself to this gradual withdrawal of the prop that alcohol gives? If you can do that you will very soon start to feel better and find life much more enjoyable. You have a lot to live for so give it your best shot. And yes it does run in families. My paternal great grandfather was a publican who died of the DTs, it’s on his death certificate. His son also drank heavily and I have seen his post mortem report and the effect on his brain. My paternal great grandmother was an alcoholic. My dad didn’t drink at all. I drink too much I know but keep it within limits. My paternal cousin has a problem with his body processing alcohol and has to be careful. So it’s entirely true that a tendency to drink too much can run in families but that doesn’t mean you can’t cut down and eventually just enjoy a drink rather than using it to blot out reality for a short time. Enjoy reality now with your new partner. New year, new start. Very best wishes for your success.?

You can stop but need help and support. You will feel so much better if you can stop but you need support to handle the reasons why you need to have a drink. Addiction is an illness and should be treated as such, please contact your GP or an addiction counsellor (my cousin is one and he is amazing). Good luck, you can do it, it is never too late.

Posting here feels like a good start Borninthe50’s. Yes I know dependent drinkers who managed to stop later in life and one who allowed his wife to help him ‘manage’ his drinking so they could continue to live together.
Drinking to excess has always been a feature in our society but it’s got worse, hardly any social occasion takes place alcohol free. Best of luck and do contact the alcohol support services x

I have nothing to add to the great support and advice you've had here Borninthe50s; GN at it's best.

I just want to reiterate that admitting you have a problem is the first and most important step. I hope that 2022 will the year you turn this around.

Good luck.

If it was a case of 'just stopping' the OP wouldn't have needed to post. I'm sure everyone who drinks too much is only too well aware of the acceptable units etc which is why they know they ask for help.

Thank you Kate, another story that gives me such hope. And I’m sorry for what you wen through.

By acknowledging the problem, you have done some of the hard work. My late mother finally sorted herself out (in late ‘60s after years of making my and my family’s life very difficult) but only when I took action and joined an Al-anon group for support. I learned there that I had to be tough and say if you want to come to my house and see your grandchildren, you don’t drink.
I was not going to let her affect my sons in the same way she affected me (the damage is lifelong in my view but that’s probably for another thread).
So life improved immeasurably - there were still ‘incidents’ occasionally but not due to alcohol. As another poster has said , the underlying problems of an addict need addressing too and that can be just as difficult.
I wish you the very best of luck with your journey.

Borninthe50s

Thank you dear GNers for your support Saying “it’s in the family” isn’t an excuse Oopsadaisy1, it was simply a statement of fact. I’m particularly heartened to hear that some of you have friends who have stopped late in life and never looked back. I think it’s too early to tell my new partner (his ex was an alcoholic) but will tell him I want to do dry January and then hopefully be able to tell him that I’m enjoying being sober so much that I don’t want to drink again. I have terrible health anxiety so you’d think I’d be worried about the damage alcohol must be doing to me.

Just a little note from me doing it alone can be hard I would suggest getting support
AA help line is always available and since the pandemic you can also access meetings on Zoom as well as f2f meetings
I would not have survived on my own resources I could stop but not stayed stopped
Remember as an alcoholic alcohol is just a symptom you need to deal with what got you there in the first place

Oh so good to hear Nansnet that you have personal experience of later life sobriety. I am so sorry though about your young family member. I’m so tired of thus; I can go for longish periods of moderate drinking and then it all implodes. Each and every time.

I don't have much to add to the advice already given by others, except that I have seen how alcoholism has impacted on the lives of a couple of family members/friends, and their families. One family member sadly never recovered, and left behind his young family. Another family member in her 50s/60s managed to turn her life around, and enjoyed the joys of being a grandmother. A close family friend who had been alcohol dependent for as long as I can remember and almost lost his life, finally, in his late 60s managed to give up alcohol with the help and support of doctors, and his family. He's now retired, with new interests. Instead of sitting in a pub all day, or drinking himself into oblivion at home every night, he's now out playing golf, and finally enjoying his life with his wife.

No, it's never too late. You've made the first step by admitting that you have a problem. Now you need to get the help and support that you need. Start with your GP, and take it a step at a time. And, as others have said, get support from someone close to you, who cares about you. I wish you much luck!

Thank you dear GNers for your support Saying “it’s in the family” isn’t an excuse Oopsadaisy1, it was simply a statement of fact. I’m particularly heartened to hear that some of you have friends who have stopped late in life and never looked back. I think it’s too early to tell my new partner (his ex was an alcoholic) but will tell him I want to do dry January and then hopefully be able to tell him that I’m enjoying being sober so much that I don’t want to drink again. I have terrible health anxiety so you’d think I’d be worried about the damage alcohol must be doing to me.

Borninthe50s

Thank you. Sadly it’s too late to record how much I drink, I’m compelled to drink and that’s it; I drink until I’ve had enough (upwards of a bottle and a half of wine daily) or I pass out. It’s in the family; my brother is a recovering alcoholic, sober 10 years now but we both have severe MH issues which are no doubt inter-linked.

You say it’s too late to record how much you drink - not sure what you mean by this, but you’ve already kind of assessed it in your post so you have at least some idea of the likely effects on your physical health. If you’re drinking a bottle and a half of wine every day, let’s assume that the ABV is around 12-13%,which would give around 10 units of alcohol in a bottle. So each day you’re consuming around 15 units - 105 units a week. The recommended maximum weekly limit is 14 units, so you’re massively exceeding safe levels of consumption. Alcohol has a cumulative effect so if you’ve been drinking at these levels for a long time, it won’t be long before, in addition to the effects on your personal life which you’ve already described, the physical effects start to manifest themselves - if they haven’t already. I suspect you know deep down that this level of consumption is unsustainable without serious effects.

I’m so sorry that you’ve had significant mental health problems, but it’s important to recognise that alcohol will make things worse - it’s a natural depressant.

Please do think about contacting your GP for help as soon as possible, and maybe take a trusted friend or family member with you for support. As many on the thread have said, you’ve taken that all important first step in recognising you have a problem. Now you need to take a deep breath and actively seek the help you need.

Borninthe50s

I’ve had a life-long drinking problem. Things have escalated so badly now that I’m destroying my relationships and acknowledge that I’m an alcoholic. I’m late 60s; has anyone managed to stop drinking at this late stage in life? I know that if I don’t stop now it’s either going to kill me or estrange my beloved child and destroy ny new relationship (or probably both). Is it too late for me?

I would say it’s never too late, and your post shows a clear recognition of, and insight into the problem. You’ve taken the first step towards change by acknowledging the effect that alcohol is having on yourself and those around you - very honest and very brave. But you can’t do it alone. You need to make sure that you are supported.

We’ve been supporting a close family member through recovery from alcohol dependence for a couple of years now, and we found that the natural starting point to access appropriate support is the family GP. You need to be totally honest about how much and how often you are drinking so that your GP can order the appropriate tests to assess the physical effects on your health. It’s important to remember that no one will judge you. You have a problem which is affecting your physical and mental well being, and the only concern of health professionals will be to help you to recover, offering proper guidance so that you can safely start to reduce your alcohol intake gradually. It’s never a good idea to just stop - ‘cold turkey’ rarely works and if your consumption is very heavy, stopping suddenly can make you ill. Your GP will also be able to advise as to what support services are available and make the appropriate referrals for things like counselling - we found AA to be really helpful too.

I wish you the best of luck - it will be a long road, but it sounds as though you’re ready to change your life and that’s half the battle. Keep posting here for moral support. Take care.?

OP it is never too late my dearest friend joined AA in her late 60s she has been sober since.
You could contact your GP some are better than others in their knowledge of alcoholism I contacted mine nearly 20 years ago he just suggested I stop drinking he was actually right.
I suggest you contact AA again and talk to the experts you have a brother in recovery can he help ? And yes there is a family link
I wish you well I have been sober now many years in AA it will work if you let it

Borninthe50s firstly, well done to you. You are very brave for posting here about your problem. There is no limit to the amount of times you can "try again" and this may be the time that works for you so there is nothing to lose. You probably know that you shouldn't and probably won't be able to "just stop" due to physical dependency. Seek support from wherever is local to you and you think may benefit to you, maybe an organisation such as change, grow, live. Give it a try you will need support and you can post here for virtual support. If you manage to reduce just a tiny bit at a time you will feel immediate benefits. So good luck to you x

Not too late but you do need support!
You've taken the first steps by admitting to yourself, and then to us, and I can just assume you have admitted it to friends and family, too.
The next step would be for someone who knows you well to go with you to see your GP and possibly attend AA sessions with you!!
Ask your new partner for help, too. And it would be great if people didn't drink around you so you're not tempted. And remove all alcohol from your home (& garden shed etc) and replace with soft drinks like squash, so you're not tempted!!
Give yourself goals, like a week without alcohol earns you a new perfume, a month without earns you a new outfit etc!
And I wish you the very best luck, Borninthe50s!!

Never late, congrats on already taking the first step

Oopsadaisy1

Well they say that the first step is to admit you have a problem, so we’ll done for that.
What do you have to lose by stopping? Is alcohol making you enjoy life? Is it enhancing your relationships? Is it making you healthier?
If the answer is no, then just Stop.
‘It’s in the family’ is just an excuse.
My brother killed himself with alcohol, it was very upsetting when the Police phoned and told me that he had been found dead on his bathroom floor. ( and that’s an understatement) He had already wrecked his daughters lives.
Please don’t put your family through this.

The above is very unhelpful! Makes me so angry.

I am an Alcoholic in recovery,over 18 years sober in AA.

It is never to late to stop drinking,one of my friends was 78 when he stopped,he lived 20years and said they were the best years of his life.Lots of people get sober later in life.

Please feel free to PM borninthe50s,if you want some help.

Well they say that the first step is to admit you have a problem, so we’ll done for that.
What do you have to lose by stopping? Is alcohol making you enjoy life? Is it enhancing your relationships? Is it making you healthier?
If the answer is no, then just Stop.
‘It’s in the family’ is just an excuse.
My brother killed himself with alcohol, it was very upsetting when the Police phoned and told me that he had been found dead on his bathroom floor. ( and that’s an understatement) He had already wrecked his daughters lives.
Please don’t put your family through this.

Bless you grannyactivist. Sadly have been down the GP/D&A support/MH services support routes more times than I can remember and nothing has helped. AA too but thinking that’s the only thing I can try again now. Honestly feel have failed my lovely daughter so badly (since aged 7 and drinking contributed to divorce although ex-H far from a saint) and wonder how she’ll ever forgive me...I’ve said so many times to her that I’ll sober up and have always let her down. BTW I function well, go out to work etc but that’s by the by...

Borninthe50s - you’re brave to acknowledge you have a problem, and doubly brave to share it on here. ??????

My work occasionally brings me into contact with people who are alcohol dependent and I can say with certainty that no, it really isn’t too late to tackle your drinking. However, the first step really should be to contact your doctor.

Most services that can help you have been cut to the bone, but a G.P.’s referral will cut through the red tape and your G.P. can also manage the physical aspect of alcohol reduction or abstention. When there are also mental health issues the alcohol services expect you to have the support of your doctor and possibly a mental health professional too.

I have personally supported people who have successfully tackled alcohol dependence in their later years so please be encouraged that it can be done and is life-changing. You have nothing at all to lose by giving it your best shot. ?

Thank you. Sadly it’s too late to record how much I drink, I’m compelled to drink and that’s it; I drink until I’ve had enough (upwards of a bottle and a half of wine daily) or I pass out. It’s in the family; my brother is a recovering alcoholic, sober 10 years now but we both have severe MH issues which are no doubt inter-linked.

Borninthe50s, it's never too late. If you really want to change, you can. You have so much to gain by defeating this evil drug. Find all the help you can and go for it!

Please see your GP or refer yourself to local Drug and Alcohol services. It is not too late. Firstly be honest with yourself and record how much you drink. Then gradually reduce the amount you consume daily. You can do this while awaiting an appointment. You have taken the first step - acknowledging you have a problem and expressing a wish to change things. I wish you luck.

No, it’s not too late, you just need to take that first step and get help as Kate says.

I wish you all the best, it won’t be easy but it will be worth it x