Son not invited

Don’t hide it, but don’t rub his face in it.

Whatever you do, please don’t try to convince your daughter to invite him.

But f you’re talking to him about what’s happening in your life then, yes, you mention that it’s going to happen.

But really, apart from an item of interest, it’s nothing to do with him really. He’s a part of your life now but not of hers so there’s no reason why he should be invited.

You don’t have to admit anything. She’s not doing anything wrong,

How far away is the wedding, might your daughter bump into him at your house sometime. You don't want to have to stress over this so tell your son about the wedding but say it's early days in the reconcilement.

You don't need to alter your behaviour to accommodate the issues between your adult children.
As adults, it is for them to negotiate whether they will have a relationship again.
If you try to cover things up, or not mention things, it will probably backfire on you, down the line.

This is between your daughter and son

Do not get involved.

Her wedding, her wedding list, her way

Tell him. News like this gets out whether you want it to or not and in your current situation if he gets the news from someone other than you it could completely derail your fragile recconciliation.

Tell him in a matter of fact way about the wedding but don’t get into a long conversation with him about it. Not being invited might not phase him at all.
As others are suggesting, it’s up to the siblings to carve their own way forward & not for you to get involved trying to sway things . Keep out of it Mother!

I would tell him about it because if he finds out from someone else it might affect your reconciliation. But leave it at that. Who your daughter invites is up to her, don't get involved.

Did your daughter give you explicit instructions not to tell him?
Even implied instructions that anything communicated between you and her is not to be transmitted to her brother?

My personal experience is that if that is the case and you tell him, the trust that you have with your daughter maybe impacted.

I wouldn't lie on behalf of anyone because they instructed me to, and I would be ensuring my daughter knew not to instruct me otherwise.

1. Speak to your daughter.
2. Tell her that this is her decision and you understand that.
3. Tell her that you would feel more comfortable if it was made clear to her brother
4. Ask if she will tell him. If not, say that you intend to speak to him. Ask her opinion on that
5. Listen
7. Discuss according to her response.

I shouldn't think he'd expect an invitation, or even want to go. Of course you should tell him about it.

I really would try to stay out of it. It’s sad, but between those two. If they speak to you individually, then say just that. You’d love everything to be right....but it isn’t, and you don’t want to make things worse.

Left to it....they may surprise you. Let’s hope so.

Madgran77

1. Speak to your daughter.
2. Tell her that this is her decision and you understand that.
3. Tell her that you would feel more comfortable if it was made clear to her brother
4. Ask if she will tell him. If not, say that you intend to speak to him. Ask her opinion on that
5. Listen
7. Discuss according to her response.

Agree.

Your son should know, but it's up to him and his sister to sort out their relationship.