Have paternal grans always been less involved with their grandchildren than maternal grans?

The maternal mum has known her daughter for longer.
My daughter was my friend before she had children - we got on well.
Having a baby is quite a personal thing, so it makes sense to share it with someone you've known for 20 odd years as opposed to 2 or 3.

My honest answer based on what I read is the maternal mum is also interested in daughter and MIL is all about baby.

That's the biggest noticable difference see people talk about

Ps my DS partner's mother also banned her 1st GS dad's family , giving him their surname banning him from visiting and misusing her considerable influence with local services to maintain her exclusive control. The boys now in teens lives in Spain with new family and probably hasn't a clue who his dear dad and other family are? So very cruel and sad.

Cafe you sound very sensible that's exactly how I look at it I'm A paternal grandparent

It was made clear to me right from the start that DIL’s family had priority. We only saw the baby in the hospital because we were there anyway visiting someone. For various reasons I was desperate to see my son holding a baby of his own: I didn’t want to stay. We’d been told that we weren’t to visit their home for several days which I was fine with. But when I dropped something off (that had been requested by them) I wasn’t even invited in as DIL’s family were all sat in the living room. It still hurts.

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My experience is that NO! I'm not allowed now to see any of my GC after mother has a hissy fit! Her mother remarked when my DS fell ill with a migraine at our house when I'd invited them and her lot to a celebration meal when 1st GS was 3 weeks old "he's not the one who's had 18 stitches is he darling?" Crass rude and in my eyes , worthy of a punch in the face but I digress........ I have 4 first hand experience of friends/neighbours who have suffered the same fate of banishment purely for the misfortune to be daddy's Mum!

I suspect it has a lot to do with the relationship before the grandchildren are born as well. An adult child who rarely visited/contacted their parent before, won’t necessarily suddenly do so once they have a baby of their own.
I know my dil used to often phone her mother for a chat when she was on her way home from work. She used to pop round to see her mother most weeks for an hour or so. She did this independently of my son, often when he was at work. It stood to reason that there already close relationship continued after the birth of my grandson.
My son didn’t visit me once a month, despite being a similar distance, and I don’t think he’s ever phoned me. These were his choices (I’m aware I could have phoned him etc, I’m not complaining). He didn’t ‘involve’ me in his life prior to my grandson been born, and I think he’s invited me to visit once since.

As I’ve said I’m very fortunate that dil and I are close, and she includes me. But that relationship was already established. I spoke to her far more than my own son, long before my dgs was born.

In our family, the paternal granny has actively pushed us away, she has been unkind about us to our grandchildren, it’s been very, very upsetting. In my view, it shouldn’t be a competition but she is determined to be the ‘best nanny’ and delights in her (our!) grandchildren saying this at shared family occasions.

Nannan2 says ‘ I’m the paternal gran to my eldest sons kids obviously, but I'm his kids favourite nan, I'm also the favourite gran of 2 of my DD's kids- You don't get to be their favourite one for nothing!’.

But in my experience, I’m very much afraid that manipulation and cunning can be very helpful in creating a ‘favourite one’ too.

I have been saddened by the games playing of the ‘other’ granny, and it may be that she doesn’t realise what she’s doing. And if she does realise, I hope she will tire of her games. ?

My MIL was always a star grandparent, my mother far from it. I could call on MIL for anything from the moment they were born, and I always enjoyed her company anyway, but I wouldn't have trusted my mother at all.

I'm only more involved with my daughter's children as they live 5 mins walk from me, so I see them many times a week. My son's 2 yr old son I see weekly and I would say I'm more involved in his life than his other nan. My Mil I was very close to so I suppose I turned to her as much as my own mum. I think it depends on who our son's partners are. I've been very lucky with both my Dil's and my Mil. I do find it easier to give childcare advice to my daughter though , that I do feel is very different.

There is strong anthropological evidence that maternal grandmothers have been more involved than paternal grandmothers across societies and across time. You may not like it, but that is the situation. It is also the case that children were and are more likely to survive to the age of five if the maternal grandmother is alive and lives near to the child's home. Obviously, this is more evident in poorer societies where resources are marginal, but also applies in the relatively affluent West. There are strong genetic reasons for the support of maternal grandmothers vs. paternal grandmothers. It is much more likely that a daughter's child carries one's genetic material, whereas a paternal grandmother can be less certain of this. Of course, very few of us are aware of this influence on us. On an individual basis, we can defy the trend, just as we can other biological influences. Go ahead and be an understanding, supportive grandmother, and beware of resentment of the other grandparents - it never helps!

I know I'd feel completely safe to tell my DD that my GS needed a haircut or a clean shirt or new shoes. She would be quite happy to listen to my advice. But I'd definitely think twice before saying similar to a DiL. I know of more than one instance where a DiL has taken against her in-laws for "interfering" when they only meant well. The son, her husband, inevitably sides with her for a quiet life and it ends up that the grandparents don't see their grandchildren.

When our only child and son married the only daughter and child , in Germany, we were side lined and every time we suggested helping we were met with “ that is not necessary” l knew the ditty of marriage but l was very low when confronted with the reality - not that l said anything. Fast forward 5 years and said did and son live about 1 hour away and expecting. I am a retired health visitor and midwife so can you imagine what pressure that might put have on dil. She was a junior doctor with obstetrics as her last rotation before maternity leave and no other experience of children. We are not close but she always includes us. Covit happening, for me, was wonderful because l am sure she would not have asked me to help . We were privileged to “ bubble “ with them and as she had the delivery from hell with 4 hospital admissions after, asked for help, when she needed it. Her parents were stuck in Germany and could only communicate via zoom. Being useful has changed our relationship and she actually asks my opinion now on occasions . I love newborns and babies so l felt confident and at the end of the day l used to say to her if there was one way to bring up a baby faultlessly , l would have written the book, and would have retired early and very rich. Neither of us would have had to work again.
Now that her parents can and do visit frequently l deliberately make myself scarce . I think there is the potential for rivalry as we also look after gd when she cannot go to nursery / let in workman etc so may appear to do more than we actually do.
We had the first 6 months exclusively with this new family and that is time her parents missed sadly.

A lot of this comes down to geographical proximity. Our GCs were born in Scotland and grew up there very near to their paternal grandparents. DH and I lived in England, over 400 miles from them. The paternal grandparents were therefore a more significant presence in their lives. DH and I are sad to have missed out on close grandparenting but we had no choice in this as DH's job determined where we lived. Now our GCs are independent young people and their memories of grandparenting inevitably revolve around their paternal grandparents, sadly no longer alive. Things were different "in the old days" when families lived close to each other in one area all their lives. "Competitive grandparenting" had yet to become a thing.

I think most girls (young ladies) are going to be close to their mum and look to her for support not only when they’ve had children but in their lives generally. Well that’s the way it has been through the generations in our family. My daughter’s MIL never phones just to ask how the kids are,and only visits when specifically invited (Sunday lunch, bbq etc) even though my daughter has told her she’s welcome anytime. Yet she visits her own daughter and grandchild several times a week. I don’t have a son so I can’t say how involved I would be with children from a son. However I know that there are exceptions, as I have a friend who’s in laws are both golden and always helping with her kids (10 and 12 now) whilst her own mother rarely visits or phones. She said her mum was like that even when she and her siblings were small.

Lol think my daughter inlaw would disagree with you on this one. Her mum lives five mins away and hardly bothers her I live further away and I visit as often as I can and babysit so my son and his wife can have a night away and relax and daughter inlaw said she wishes her mum would make more effort like I do. My other daughter inlaw her mum is very hands on but when I visit there let me do my bit too. But every family is different and what we do works for us

There are many factors determining the levels of involvement of the GPs. My MiL saw my children more often because she lived nearer and was more pushy. My husband was never keen to visit my mum. She didn't drive and lived over 200 miles away so visiting us was difficult. If I'd been as difficult about seeing my in-laws as my husband was I would have felt mean even though I found them challenging. I regret not pushing harder for my mum's interests at the time, as my children didn't benefit from the relationship they could have had with her. Perhaps she was not pushy enough, while MiL was too pushy!

Now I'm a granny I'm trying very hard not to be too pushy or feel jealous of how much the other GPs see our GS compared to me. My DS and DiL seem to be very fair about things and I really like my DiL's parents and other family members and we're all in this together, so what's the point of comparing or competing. We all live at quite a distance from each other though I hope to move nearer at some point.

I only really knew one grandparent but I adored him. The other three either died before I was born or when I was too young to really remember. Children need the love of their grandparents for as long as they can. How often they see each other will determine the depth of relationship but they can still have loving relationships with less contact.

It's a question for a sociologist to answer. I would guess (I could be wrong)that in old traditional rural families in Britain. the custom was patrilocal, but has switched to matrilocal when the father of the family was the sole earner, and the mother was a housewife.

Among working class families where both parents were out working my guess is that the woman earner was financially independent of her husband and naturally the daughter would gravitate towards the company of same sex parent.

I’m a paternal GP , I’ve always seen more of my GS, as we were happy to travel to see them (3.5 hours ) more than the others did. Now the relationship has ended DS has moved in with us temporarily so GS is with us 3-4 days a week as it’s split custody. I WFH so it’s caused a bit of confusion for GS as he always had my complete attention and now I have to work sometime he’s here.

I am a paternal gran. When GS was born I was the GP who helped with care if baby and helping DIL/DS with household tasks. I visited for a week on a monthly basis for 6 months, travelling over 500 miles to get there. DIL and son appreciated help, giving them a break and allowing them to get out on their own. Maternal GM/GF visited rarely, living 10 mins drive away. They were interested but just not in babysitting.

My DIL's Mum (Maminka) lives in Slovakia. So, as the paternal Nana, it's me who does the day to day taxiing, entertaining, babysitting, etc.
I love it but I'd love for Babka (DIL's Maminka) to be involved too. Sadly, geography prevents - and bloody Covid's not helped!

Some Sils including 2 of my 3 are obsessed with “fairness.” One of them who’s a lovely man expects that visits etc are equal. My DD wanted us to go on holiday with them but the Sil said that wouldn’t be fair unless they could have a second holiday with his parents! My other Sil doesn’t want to spend too much time with us as he’s unable to see his mother. She lives abroad!

Well, I suppose that poses the question of why your son had a baby with her?

Sadly, my MIL, with whom we were living, died 2 months before her first GC was born. I got on very well with her. My own parents lived too far away to have much involvement. Neither of us even had a phone or car.
My DS and DIL, in Australia, have an 18 month old. They have gone to great lengths to help me to connect with him. His Aussie GP live nearby, and are very 'hands-on' but have also done their best not to make me feel left out. He's their first GC, and I'm not the least bit jealous of their close relationship. I can't wait to get over there to see them all though.
It's impossible to generalise about family involvements with GC. It depends entirely on the people themselves, how well they get along and how much time and effort they want to put into the family dynamics.