What would you think if you received this?

If tge mother did ask her dAughter to stop off on her way home I think she is wrong, of course they shouldn’t have been asked that. Perhaps it was that incident that sparked the awful letter. The daughter should have told her mother straight that could they just wait until they felt ready, before they we’re invited, same about the kissing etc. If they don’t like it I would let tgem come round to the idea. I can’t see anyone doing that anyway because surely we always put baby first. I can’t stand other people kissing babies, that would definitely upset me, and definitely not a new born and when there’s Covid about. Why can’t people talk about things instead of making a frame out of it.

Drama not frame

MissAdventure

I have never met any grandparents like the ones described on these threads.
Most that I know will babysit to help out.
The rest of the time they are busy having an active life which doesn't include even thinking about the children's children constantly.

Who and where are these women? They are always women, too.

my lovely Mil had a AWFUL friend who was like this. She had no children of her own so fixed on me as the baby provider. Every time we met she went on and on about how my Mil was desperate for GC's and how she would LOVE to care for a baby and I'd never have to worry about sitters (we didn't even live near her or Mil, we lived some 70 miles away!). We had plans that didn't involve children (went travelling) so there was no actual problem but I could imagine her being the Mil from Hell.....so yes they do exist. and no this is not a modern construct, this was some 40 years ago.

Actually, I have to retract what I said, because I do know someone who is like it, now I've thought about it.

MissAdventure

Actually, I have to retract what I said, because I do know someone who is like it, now I've thought about it.

They do sound precious and I wouldn't be happy to receive a request worded this way. However, she is still pregnant, baby due between Christmas and New Year and of course, their baby, their rules. I give it 48 hours after the baby is born before she is on the phone to her Mum!

That's your opinion Maw and you are welcome to it. I disagree with you I just think we have a disappointed 1st time Gran who said something clumsily. I dont think there is anything wrong with the Gran just having a look. It would not take much time and it would make her happy.
I am totally fed up with this crap about boundaries, rules, and you must not do this or that.
It would not bother me about not seeing my grandchild for the 1st two weeks, and I would respect my daughter or son if they said this, but not if they sent a round robin text.
I think this woman's daughter is a royal pain in the arse. I am so glad all my family and the people I know are not like this. I honestly had never heard all this nonsense until I started going on forums.
Also there are many cultures in my family and none of this happens. Mother and Father are happy for people to welcome the baby.

MissAdventure

Actually, I have to retract what I said, because I do know someone who is like it, now I've thought about it.

When I was a young mum we called them baby snatchers

The text was neither rude nor patronising, it was just laying in facts. It's polite to tell mum what will be.

Glad not to be a baby snatcher or over invested. I have a life if my own.
I only hope the Gran this thread is about has a happy ending, as I dont think she is entitled or selfish, just very disappointed, and maybe does not say the right things, who does, not many of us are perfect.

rafichagran

That's your opinion Maw and you are welcome to it. I disagree with you I just think we have a disappointed 1st time Gran who said something clumsily. I dont think there is anything wrong with the Gran just having a look. It would not take much time and it would make her happy.
I am totally fed up with this crap about boundaries, rules, and you must not do this or that.
It would not bother me about not seeing my grandchild for the 1st two weeks, and I would respect my daughter or son if they said this, but not if they sent a round robin text.
I think this woman's daughter is a royal pain in the arse. I am so glad all my family and the people I know are not like this. I honestly had never heard all this nonsense until I started going on forums.
Also there are many cultures in my family and none of this happens. Mother and Father are happy for people to welcome the baby.

but the mother asked and was told no....then she pulled the "but I am your mother" line. What should they have done then?

rafichagran

Glad not to be a baby snatcher or over invested. I have a life if my own.
I only hope the Gran this thread is about has a happy ending, as I dont think she is entitled or selfish, just very disappointed, and maybe does not say the right things, who does, not many of us are perfect.

so you can excuse the mother on the grounds that "not many of us are perfect" but you won't excuse the daughter?

I agree with you rafichagran. How many times has an AC said to their parent 'but I'm your son/daughter' when they've been disappointed?

IMO the text was abrupt and patronising. "What should they have done then?" she should have talked to her mother, and explained her reasons, have an adult conversation for goodness sake.

Why is that so hard?

Not for sending that round Robin I dont. I would laugh at a friend sending it, I would just think she was a idiot, but to send that also to her Mother is a step too far. She only asked to look at the baby in the car for goodness sake.
Just so over dramatic on the daughters part. Not really a 1st world problem to me at any rate.

It was a huge talk topic in mother and baby groups.

Even relatively normal friends, family members, mothers and mils were up for discussion and most of us would never have said anything to them.

My aunt was mine, I had an emergency c section that I couldn't have planned for, my baby was dying as I was put under. When I woke up I couldn't see him and I thought he was gone. I didn't see him way over with her in the corner. I didn't expect my baby to be passed around everyone before I even got a chance to see he was OK. I actually ended up with flashbacks to that moment where I thought I'd lost him and needed help because he wasn't where I expected him to be when I woke up. Never ever told her this as I wouldn't want her to feel bad.

Everyone had a story, from the ones who were picking up and waking the baby that had just been settled to having someone hovering over their shoulders watching their every move to the ones who just came to hold the baby and take pictures and expected tea made for them to the ones who just didn't seem to want to hand the fussy baby back to mum who was getting anxious.

I think there is a reason new mums are asking for this type of thing and I don't blame them.

Smileless2012

I agree with you rafichagran. How many times has an AC said to their parent 'but I'm your son/daughter' when they've been disappointed?

IMO the text was abrupt and patronising. "What should they have done then?" she should have talked to her mother, and explained her reasons, have an adult conversation for goodness sake.

Why is that so hard?

It sounds like she did that when asked to stop by.

As you say rafichagran she just wanted to look through the car window at her first GC.

I'm very surprised that a new born baby who'd undergone an emergency c section was allowed to be touched by anyone other than the nursing staff or the father.

My anger would have been directed at those in charge for allowing something like that to happen TBH.

rafichagran

Not for sending that round Robin I dont. I would laugh at a friend sending it, I would just think she was a idiot, but to send that also to her Mother is a step too far. She only asked to look at the baby in the car for goodness sake.
Just so over dramatic on the daughters part. Not really a 1st world problem to me at any rate.

and she was told no, which is surely the new Mum's perogative, especially in winter, but that answer wasn't accepted.

The text isn't rude at all, it's a note of facts. Mum asked about a stop, was told no, now it's definitive for everyone.

I do wonder whether, if they had stopped by , it would have ended nicely at a look through the window? Somehow I am doubting it. I don't see the OP returning either

I think if they did stop by it would have ended badly, the mum would have ended up estranged by "it's all about me actions".

I think you may be underestimating the OP Norah not everyone is quick to estrange and of course her H may not feel the same way.

It's all conjecture and supposition; the OP ain't coming back!

You're not always discharged from hospital at acceptable times. What if it was 10pm? Throwing it down with rain? Snow?

I remember the pain from just sitting down after pushing 7lber out my hoohaw and the stitches that went with it, I had to sit on a rubber ring type thing and that was at home.

Couple that with a bumpy car ride home been fastened in the seat belt with stomach cramps. Makes me wince just thinking about it. Never mind if the poor woman ends up with a section.
Which the hospital gives you paracetamol for! So you're not on even on adequate pain relief.

It's not as easy as just 'popping by'

oops the reference to the H was to do with another thread so ignore that bit