What would you think if you received this?

Also why is it being assumed that younger people posting here all had terrible childhoods and are unfairly judging based on that?

I actually would have loved my mum to care about and be interested in her grandchildren. I did not have the problem that I needed 2 weeks bonding time and she did not want to be here.

I'd have loved a loving and engaged mum who wanted to be here and support me... I just respect that a lot of new mums now don't want that

That's an unkind way to dismiss the younger gransnet users and a generalisation of us which is wrong and has no relevance to what we are saying here.

My parents met each of my children within hours of their birth. All invited. All more then welcome. They then had the privilege of meeting my grandparents over their first few weeks. I loved it all.

I just have this bizarre understanding that everyone works differently. And if someone sets their boundary you either obey it or move on.

MissAdventure

In my little family, having a baby was a family affair.
Not because anyone insisted on it.
Not because anyone took it upon themselves.
Just because we all loved one another and were excited.
Lucky, I know.

Yes, same with us - our son and DDIL were so excited when their baby arrived and they were so proud that they'd given both sets of parents their first grandchild; no way could they have waited 2 weeks to show off their little one. Which just illustrates that this 2 week isolation doesn't suit everybody and I do realise not every family feel and act like mine. MissAdventure we are lucky indeed.

I sanded and painted a wall today (3 coats), fed 3 children (1 has moved out and 1 pleases himself). I put on a wash, got them all bathed, hung up the wash, cleaned the bathroom and dealt with my autistic daughter who wanted new paint but hates change.

I looked at my phone occasionally, didn't sit on it.

That might have been a been a better title perhaps with allowed to feel.

What puzzles me is that there are some young members who seem to spend a lot of time on Gransnet - I find it hard to understand how they find the time, when they say they are mothers of young children!
As well as working from home, Farmor!

Smileless2012 "Who decides they're not decent Hithere? ... here's an idea, perhaps we could have an adult exchange of views and opinions without those being coloured by people's own prejudices."

Brilliant

It's sad that some younger posters have such prejudiced views of family life due to their own poor experiences growing up in dysfunctional, uncaring families.

Of course we know this happens (some family situations I have heard of through work have been distressing and horrifying).

However, to assume that all posters on here who disagree with the wording of a set of rules were such uncaring parents is a leap of pure imagination based on their own experiences.

nightowl

There do seem to be quite a few young members on Gransnet now, some of whom seem to have quite negative views of our generation as parents and now grandparents

What puzzles me is that there are some young members who seem to spend a lot of time on Gransnet - I find it hard to understand how they find the time, when they say they are mothers of young children!

The thread title would have been better put as "Can people who know nothing about us or our family dynamics tell us how we're allowed to feel".

Oh I should have guessed it was on a reddit site MissA we've had things posted on GN from there in the past. Usually extremely unpleasant and over the top representations of the worse parents and GP's you're ever likely to come across.

I wondered why I hadn't heard of it before but I'm rather picky about the sites I look on.

GP's and parents are an easy target on GN MissA didn't you know that

I don't think the OP is a wind up but it would be nice to think that some of the responses might be mrsgreenfinger.

Who decides they're not decent Hithere? other GP's, or perhaps AC who have an axe to grind perhaps. Or here's an idea, perhaps we could have an adult exchange of views and opinions without those being coloured by people's own prejudices and some of the rubbish found on reddit.

What would really have upset me would be my dd feeling she had to send me a letter rather than talk to me direct. I may not like it but I would bite my tongue and accept what she said. It does seem a lot of the younger generation however prefer not to talk direct. They are the WhatsApp texting generation so maybe this is how they do things. When that beautiful baby comes I bet they will want to share their joy.

In my little family, having a baby was a family affair.
Not because anyone insisted on it.
Not because anyone took it upon themselves.
Just because we all loved one another and were excited.
Lucky, I know.

Who decides?
Well certainly not you.
How could you possibly, just by contributing to a thread?

Who decides the grandparents are decent- the grandparents themselves, the forum, the AC of those grandparents?

Having a baby is NOT about the grandparents

Once a person becomes an adult, his/her parents take the back seat - including when those AC reproduce

Baby rabies.
Used on a site called reddit about over the top parents/grandparents, and referred to in this thread.

Not by the type of people that goad, obviously.

I thought this thread was a wind up. Never heard anything like it and would have been so very upset to have received this.

MissAdventure

But you don't mind what gets back to decent grandparents?
Rabies?
Beating their children?
Narcissists?

I missed the rabies bit - just been out for the day with the other granny.
Rabies?

Staying well out of it, if she's any sense, I'd imagine.
Leaving us lot to argue it out, when it isn't our baby, nor our mum, and not our problem, really.

MissAdventure

But you don't mind what gets back to decent grandparents?
Rabies?
Beating their children?
Narcissists?

I'm not sure what that has to do with me because I haven't said them but I think you might be answering me so I'll reply.

Those things have absolutely nothing to do with decent grandparents, of which there are many here

That is a problem, Violetsky

However, one poster pointed out that it is a generic request used by many new parents so it's not exclusive to anyone in particular.

There must be a lot of expectant parents at the moment in the UK.

Where's the OP, btw?

But you don't mind what gets back to decent grandparents?
Rabies?
Beating their children?
Narcissists?

Of course it is OK to talk about how people would feel, that was what the question asked.

The only problem is that if it were only those who were saying its precious, the tone is horrible, that they would be furious etc etc etc

Well what might happen if that got back to the mum in the situation, what if it got passed on to the daughter?

Very bad times indeed and we have to think about that when we are dealing with questions, even if rhetorical, that are related to real life situations

nightowl

There do seem to be quite a few young members on gransnet now, some of whom seem to have quite negative views of our generation as parents and now grandparents. Maybe this is a reflection of your own experiences and if so, I’m sorry. I find it quite strange that you have this idea that we were abusive; smacking, leaving babies to cry etc. My children were born in the 80s and in my experience we were incredibly child-centred. Smacking was definitely frowned upon, feeding on demand was the norm, attending to your baby as soon as they cried expected. I think the ‘sleep-and-everything-else-training’ approach à la Gina Ford actually came later. When my daughter had her first baby 11 years ago we found our approach was very similar, I learnt new things but she also found some of the old ways were still current. She is a brilliant mum - better than I was - and I’ve been privileged to share in my grandchildren’s lives. We could all learn something by listening to and respecting the different generations’ experiences.

Good post nightowl

There does seem to have been an influx of Mumsnetters to Gransnet and some do appear to have had bad experiences as children resulting in their negative views of their parents' generation's way of parenting. I'm sorry if they were smacked, left to cry, assaulted etc, that was wrong but not the norm.

I do feel sorry that some may have to felt it necessary to go back to work after maternity leave so that even lockdown felt like a good experience for them. I realise finances may necessitate that.

Being a SAHM was more the norm when my DC were small and I must say that I, and other Mums I met with regularly, enjoyed our few years at home with our babies and small children without the added stress of worrying about rejoining the rat race.

Yes - Gina Ford! I found DD worrying that DGS wasn't doing as recommended by Ms Ford so I recommended DD binned Ms Ford!

ITA MissAdventure life has evolved since I was a new mum.