What would you think if you received this?

We saw our first GC the day after he was born having been invited to do so.

It wasn't as joyful as it should have been. Our son was beaming; his wife was resentful. We didn't stay very long as the atmosphere made us feel extremely uncomfortable.

Just 8 months later we were estranged. Never saw him again and have never seen his brother. That was 9 years ago. It's been lovely to read about the lovely grand parenting experiences shared on here, but I can't help but feel a little.

They are our only GC so it's something that I think we'll never experience.

Well we solved it- the grandparents didn't see their grandchildren for years. We are in Australia, they were in the UK. We are the opposite ,though, and see our grandchildren quite a lot because they all live fairly close by. One of them was a premmie so to visit her we had to scrub up and wear masks and quite right, too. No big deal. I tried looking at mumsnet and thought it was ghastly- can't imagine what a young mum would get out of coming to gransnet but hey ho, we are all different aren't we?

Curlywhirly

MissAdventure

In my little family, having a baby was a family affair.
Not because anyone insisted on it.
Not because anyone took it upon themselves.
Just because we all loved one another and were excited.
Lucky, I know.

Yes, same with us - our son and DDIL were so excited when their baby arrived and they were so proud that they'd given both sets of parents their first grandchild; no way could they have waited 2 weeks to show off their little one. Which just illustrates that this 2 week isolation doesn't suit everybody and I do realise not every family feel and act like mine. MissAdventure we are lucky indeed.

Same here. My DS & DiL wanted both sets of GPs to visit asap after our first GD was born ... we were all able to meet her on the day she arrived. Our second GD was born during lockdown, and whilst my DS was able to work from home, which was wonderful in that they spent so much time together after she was born, both DS and DiL were very upset that they were not able to share their joy with GPs, and missed having the help and support that we were able to offer during those early days.

Some of us are indeed very lucky that our ACs still love to spend time with us, and wouldn't want to exclude us from such important, happy, family experiences.

However, each to their own, and I appreciate that some new parents have different ideas, and that's fine. But, as others have expressed, the way in which the new parents in the OP went about it seemed rather insensitive. Not necessarily for more distant relatives, or a wider circle of friends, but particularly towards the GM. However, we don't know the full circumstances of their relationship, so it's difficult to know why they chose to do it in this way.

I'd just like to point out that the fact some new parents want to have time alone to bond with baby, before having visitors, is not new to today's generation of new parents. I had my babies in the 80s/90s, and welcomed visitors as soon as they were born (even though I had a terrible birth experience and wasn't feeling great, I wouldn't have wanted the new GPs to miss out on something so special). However, my relative who had her baby at the same time, put a notice on her front door kindly requesting no visitors ... but this was at least after both sets of GPs had been allowed to meet their new GC. This was 33 years ago, so it's not some new rule that today's generation of new parents would like to think they've invented.

VioletSky

No the direct one was the other day.

Am over it

It wasn't from me and nothing I have said was directed at you, Violetsky

What I said was a generalisation and related to the rather nasty attacks on grandmothers throughout this unpleasant thread.

I'm out too.

I'd be absolutely fine with it. Truly.

I am not asking you to justify yourself Violetsky and I don't think I have said anything that suggests that.

We are all entitled to our own perceptions, based on facts in front of us, including exactly what is said in posts.

Madgran You are entitled to your own perceptions.

I'd explain properly if I felt comfortable discussing it with you further.

I've said that I don't think references to posters bad childhoods belong on this thread and that's all that needs to be said rather than forcing me to justify myself.

I have no idea what the "direct comment"was or when posted by the way and it appears it may have been another one that wasn't actually direct, like on this thread!

Back to the thread subject now!

*Anyway, don't want to derail the discussion"

Agreed let's move on and keep things relevant to the discussion

True! However, people do draw conclusions and opinions from the information given, draw conclusions, identify patterns, and comment. We all do it really, in different situations, not just on line, but perhaps comments are more likely on line as part of discussions

And it is probably best not to assume that those assumptions are directed personally unless very specific.

Anyway, don't want to derail the discussion.

Chrebacca

Go for it

No the direct one was the other day.

No. It. Was. Not. You've repeated this unfair, and untrue, accusation several times now and evidence has been presented to you, several times, to prove that this was NOT the case. If you insist on repeating these untrue accusations, I'll escalate it to GNHQ so that they can independently assess the posts and can come to an independent decision once and for all. Please, stop making these false allegations.

Point is that this thread isn't about my, or anyone else's bad childhood Madgran and we don't need it mentioned here the same way I wouldn't bring anyone else's personal relationships into this discussion and kept it general.

No the direct one was the other day

Glad you over it. So, the direct comment was not on this thread and not linked to the comment above about assumptions, or specifically about you.

No the direct one was the other day.

Am over it

Well that makes it worse of assumption are being made about the some that are known to have had bad childhoods

There is nothing suggesting which posters who are known to have has bad childhoods are making assumptions though. I don't think the poster has directly related the comment to you specifically Violetsky although apologies if I have missed that. There appear to be a number of posters on this thread who have had bad childhoods.

Of course there are different types of bad childhood. I have never talked about my childhood on GN! Other posters may have chosen not to as well, so who knows what is influencing different posters views.

Madgran77

*Violetsky Also why is it being assumed that younger people posting here all had terrible childhoods and are unfairly judging based on that?*

Calistemon It's sad that *some younger posters have such prejudiced views of family life due to their own poor experiences growing up in dysfunctional, uncaring families*

The word used was some not all

Well that makes it worse of assumption are being made about the some that are known to have had bad childhoods.

3 times lately my childhood has been used against me unfairly when it hasn't influenced my opinions on topics at all.

As you weren't tagged in to the post, why are you assuming it's for you?

Calistemon

It's sad that some younger posters have such prejudiced views of family life due to their own poor experiences growing up in dysfunctional, uncaring families.

Of course we know this happens (some family situations I have heard of through work have been distressing and horrifying).

However, to assume that all posters on here who disagree with the wording of a set of rules were such uncaring parents is a leap of pure imagination based on their own experiences.

I think you’ve went too far with this post.

Really uncalled for.

Violetsky Also why is it being assumed that younger people posting here *all had terrible childhoods and are unfairly judging based on that?*

Calistemon It's sad that *some younger posters have such prejudiced views of family life due to their own poor experiences growing up in dysfunctional, uncaring families*

The word used was some not all

MissAdventure

But it doesn't matter what is said to older members?
It's fine to generalise about them?

Why do you keep saying these things to me?

I'm out.

I know I had a amazing childhood. Couldn't love my parents more. Amazing people. Ten way they would break themselves to do anything for me, my sister and my children leaves me in awe. Couldn't have asked for better.

*In my little family, having a baby was a family affair.
Not because anyone insisted on it.
Not because anyone took it upon themselves.
Just because we all loved one another and were excited.
Lucky, I know. smile*

Fairly normal I think!

But it doesn't matter what is said to older members?
It's fine to generalise about them?