What would you think if you received this?

2old4this

Awaiting the next instalment in 9 weeks time!

I read it that the mum wanted them to pop in after the birth so she could 'take a peek' at the baby. Have I got that wrong?

My DS and one of my DDs told us, gently, when our first two DGS were expected, that they wouldn’t be having any visitors at all for at least a week after their babies were born, to give them quiet time together to bond with them. We totally accepted this as the new way of thinking. It didn’t happen. Come the days the babies were born we were asked to visit in hospital straightaway, they were longing for us to meet, and this was the case for their other babies as well. Sometimes the imagined ideal doesn’t seem that good in reality.

My other DD had her first baby last April, and we couldn’t meet properly for weeks, let alone hold him or help out. We’d to view him from across the road, only when they had a justifiable reason for being in the area (remember those days?). It was awful for all of us.

Think I'd be more upset that my daughter couldn't and wouldn't commicate face to face with me. Was she worried about her reaction?

OPs sister hasn't mentioned about her daughter at all and wanting to help her just wanting to see the baby. Which is sad really and maybe explains why they have asked everyone for the 2 weeks.

perhaps it's me - I've got lost somewhere along this pregnancy.

I wouldn't have a problem. These are difficult times and a lot of people are totally ignoring the pandemic. These rules are quite sensible. I would have phoned my daughter to discuss and been fully supportive. I'm guessing that the parents were expecting to be overwhelmed with well meaning visits.

Don't forget she'll be hormonal & more emotional than usual depending on what kind of birth experience she's had etc..
She probably feels safer than saying it in a message rather than face to face or over the phone, because for one thing, she'd probably get interrupted with protests like "but I'm your mother, it's OUR first grandchild, what about meeee" and then she'd feel unable to get her points across in a calm & measured way so she that knows she's being understood, burst into tears and give in.

MissAdventure

I think I'd write a carefully and tactfully worded charter of my own.
Please don't wake me at a ridiculous hour because your baby has a rash.
Never, ever interrupt my nights out with complaints that your baby can't sleep.
If, (only after being invited) you feel tired, please don't fall asleep on my couch and expect me to take over the childcare.
Please do not spoil my carefully planned night of debauchery because you have an invitation to go out, and you need a babysitter.
Please always wash your hands after touching your child, as I do not like baby dribble on my paintwork.

I can relate to that

The more I think about it, the more it amuses me, MissAdventure

Obviously first ?

Hmm... who will be looking after this child when/if in the future
parents are in hospital maternity having a second baby???

If we are still around in twenty-five/thirty-five years time, it will be really interesting to see how this evolves when yet another generation comes along.

Good for them, they have clearly stated to everyone what they want.

Sadly first visits to new babies end in unpleasantness when best friend trumps relatives or in-laws get more time than others. This way nobody can visit leaving the parents to enjoy their new baby and get into a routine.

Exactly MissA

Some sensible rules - put across in a very stupid way.

Pick up the phone and just talk to relatives, then send the rules (if you must) in a straightforward list.

I had to laugh at the 'routine'! In two weeks? Crikey - reality will hit them hard!

Maybe I wouldn't be available, on demand, for the FaceTime or scheduled visit. I might have other plans!

This seems to be all about the Forth Trimester. This tells you a bit more about how it's seen.

www.themoderndoulaofcincinnati.com/blog/how-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-them-to-come-over-and-see-baby-yet

I think our mothers and mothers-in-law were more involved but then many husbands weren't. Times have changed.

Calistemon: This was provided in an update from the OP

"My sister spoke to daughter inviting them to stop off on the way back from hospital so that she could meet baby, she was told firmly no, they would not call in, despite my sisters house being en route home."

Kate1949

I read it that the mum wanted them to pop in after the birth so she could 'take a peek' at the baby. Have I got that wrong?

So did I Kate

I'd think very carefully what you say to your sister, I'd probably encourage her to listen and accept this. The last thing the relationship needs is "well lots of people agree you so and so is being unreasonable" etc

Quite apart from the fact that a lot of us don't think this is unreasonable, doing any kind of arguing with pregnant women or new mums about the rules for their baby is not good for them in a stressful time and definitely not good for the relationship

This seems to be the norm these days. I’ve heard of new parents asking for no visitors for two weeks.

Gone are the days when we welcomed family and friends as soon as baby had been born. I would have been upset if no one had begged a visit to meet my new baby.

It all seems to be a bit OTT to me. A short visit , especially by grandparents should be welcomed .

Thank God my two adult children were not so precious and patronising.
Everything is such a drama today and I think it is pathetic.
Yes your baby your rules,but there are ways if conveying this.

I am so glad my two are like most people and not like this drama Queen.

I really do not get all the dramatics and theatre that surround a family when a baby is born. Very sad.

There is no "should" about it. The parents have the choice. They are behaving exactly as we did - as children of their generation. Equally, in each older generation, some have shaken their heads and tut-tutted. Let them be. They are not only parents they are their own people.

I agree with VoiletSky. The OP should be very careful what she says and encourage her sister to go along with what the parents want. The very last thing anyone would want would be to turn this into long term issues.

highlanddreams

I totally get it especially with this covid situation, they may not have said it in a subtle way but take it in & give them some space, they need it, they only get this time once, grandparents you've had your time with your first baby so let them have theirs.
When I had my first child nobody asked, they just piled in all day every day without calling first and played pass the parcel with my baby waking him up from a nap so they could coo in his little face and bounce him up and down etc If I said anything my MIL would stand near the pram and fake cough loudly so he would stir and she would dive straight in and grab him out to play with like a dolly. I was expected to make teas, coffees and snacks all day long and then have it all to clean up when they'd finally gone home .It was exhausting and really spoiled my experience. If I went out, everyone wanted to push my pram never realising that I would actually like to do it myself sometimes! My MIL jumped in on all the firsts, first nappies, first teddy bear, first doll, first shoes etc she just wouldn't back off. She insisted on making cot and pram sheets but despite having both cot pram stored at her house, she made them too small and I had to go and buy some last minute,
Try and be more understanding of their needs it's their first baby, it's not all about you, so say ok & tell them you're ready to help with whatever they need help with and not to be afraid to ask.

You had a rough experience there highland dreams I was so fortunate in that with each of my four babies, either my Mum or Mum in Law came to help out. And help out they did - cooked meals, played with the other children & took them out to give me time to rest and recuperate. Never ever did they overstep the mark. And with that role model in mind, I took the same approach with each and every one of my grandchildren as they arrived. New parents need nurture and space to grow into confident parents. I have a lovely memory of one of my daughters in the early days of breastfeeding, phoning me in the small hours, close to tears saying " Mum, you know how you've always said if it all gets too much to ring you? Well I'm ringing you...."
And I went in a heartbeat,

Daisymae

I wouldn't have a problem. These are difficult times and a lot of people are totally ignoring the pandemic. These rules are quite sensible. I would have phoned my daughter to discuss and been fully supportive. I'm guessing that the parents were expecting to be overwhelmed with well meaning visits.

I agree with you. i just hope the poor young couple never get to know that her mum has kicked up such a fuss that her aunt has the timerity to post it all on Gransnet. Talk about keep it all in the family I don't think so.
Imagine the repercusions if they do find out.

GrannyLaine. That is so lovely that it has brought tears to my eyes.

Just smile and nod and then be ready to step in when they need you.