What would you think if you received this?

2old4this are you not concerned that this thread might be picked up by a newspaper? I think that I would be, lots of identifying info.

Nineteen years ago DD and DSiL decided that they would like time to bond after getting home from hospital, which sounded perfectly sensible. After 48 hours I got an urgent summons to go and pick up the domestic reins and was there for ten days. Many bouquets were taken in and hospitality provided for visiting friends, meals cooked and washing machine loaded. My reward was to give DGD1 her first bath and lots of pram pushing while parents caught up on sleep.

If I had received this I would have shrugged but complied. I think Covid has made many of us ultra anxious\sensitive understandably. I wouldn't have taken offence at the symbols because I don't understand most of them anyway. At my first visit, I would possibly have had a coffee flask secreted about me just in case. I also think I would have indulged in a supplementary telephone call to reassure my child that I would be utterly compliant. Wimp eh? Not how I see it.

I didn't have to wait at all.
I cut the umbilical cord when my youngest grandson was born (thanks, daughter - it was revolting!)

When DS was born we had him entirely to ourselves. Both new grandmothers were teachers and had to get back to work. So it was a quick visit in hospital from my parents as they drove and had a car, and DH's parents didn't drive so didn't see DS until I felt well enough to travel after a long difficult labour, which was about a fortnight. Both sets lived 60 miles from us in different directions.

Second time round, my DM drove round to take over as soon as labour started as she was, then, retired. She stayed a week.

2old4this

This is in fact my niece writing to her mother, my sister.
My sister spoke to daughter inviting them to stop off on the way back from hospital so that she could meet baby, she was told firmly no, they would not call in, despite my sisters house being en route home. Even if they just stopped the car so that my sister could have a peek. No. She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......" only to be told that the other grandma didn't have a problem, the answer is still No! I'm deeply annoyed with my niece. The baby is due in 8 weeks

Sorry but expecting a new mum and baby to drop in on the way home from hospital is a bit much. Most new mums just want to go home, not visiting on the way. Certainly should be more cautious now.
Other than that the note is rude and condescending. Mums today think they’re the only one who have had children. Just wait til they want a babysitter.

Under the circumstances with covid still rife I would say I think the parents are being really sensible, albeit they may seem over the top to family and friends. Due to unforseen circumstances I couldnt see or hold my first grandson for the first 3 months of his life! I did get loads of photos though.

I find an awful lot of over dramatising on this thread. From all sides! The rigid rules about “bonding time” etc from the prospective parents for example, the grans who say the new parents will be “desperate for help”…. They’re having a baby, it’s not all exhausting traumatic etc etc. But the round robin text/email etc is just OTT. Talk about sucking the joy out of it all!
In answer to the OP question, what would I think ? I’d think my son or daughter and partner had been abducted by aliens and replaced with two people I didn’t know.

What would I think if I received that message from a daughter?
To be honest my first thought would be,"How bl**dy rude.
However I would say nothing and comply.
When DD1 and son-in-law expected their first baby they said they wanted to be on their own for the first 2 weeks and suggested I book a flight to visit 2 weeks after the expected delivery date which I did.
Baby arrived at the same time as my flight! The new parents returned home from hospital looking pale and absolutely exhausted. I made a pot of tea and was given a full account of the proceedings! Then I kept out of the way but walked the dog twice daily, cooked dinner, shopped etc. It wasn't long before I was asked to change diapers and bath the baby!

freedomfromthepast

"She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......"

I think that most people would see the list and think it is common sense. But the statement above would lead me to believe that the mom in this case expects special treatment because she is the DD's mother.

I think this perfectly illustrates my point about some Grans who don’t realise * it’s not all about them* any longer.

maybemaw
My MIL cried when she was reminded to wash her hands before touching baby.

She was a nurse.
Common sense for some is rude and unkind to others (they also came to hospital sick)

2old4this

How interesting this thread has turned out to be!
Some comments on the topic heading, others drifting off into speculation of their relationship and making assumptions.

The question was ‘what would you think if you received this’……
Thank you to those who kept to the topic.

OK, here is what I would think if I received this.

These are appropriate and understandable boundaries that need to be followed. I want to keep my daughter and granddaughter safe and support my daughter in the way SHE needs it.

I would also think, why would my daughter not feel comfortable in communicating these to me directly? Do I need to call her up and let her know that I support her boundaries and have a conversation with her about her feelings on the matter?

Freedom at 00:12

Exactly

Like Brian Cox said this week, I could be the best father in the world, but it means nothing. Hang back grandmas . Ask for a photo. Then watch as they call you, re, feeding sleeping, etc shows up on your text. They got a shock coming..

How interesting this thread has turned out to be!
Some comments on the topic heading, others drifting off into speculation of their relationship and making assumptions.

The question was ‘what would you think if you received this’……
Thank you to those who kept to the topic.

Try not to stress. Look outwards to other things.

"She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......"

I think that most people would see the list and think it is common sense. But the statement above would lead me to believe that the mom in this case expects special treatment because she is the DD's mother.

grannyactivist

In my view the wording of the message is a bit clunky, but the content is spot on.

This young lass did speak to her mum, not once, but twice, and it seems to me that her mum refused to get the message. What else should she do, but put in writing what she wants so that everyone is clear about what’s expected? She’s softened the blow by promising FaceTime and updates - good for her I say.

Thank you for pointing this out grannyactivist. I thought maybe I was reading something different than others on here.

The DD did in fact talk to her mother twice and, it seems, the mother refused to hear what was being said.

I would have put it in writing too.

Hithere

Common sense doesnt mean the same for everybody

Really?
What part do you think anybody would not view as common sense?
Allowing the new parents to decide when they want visitors? Not kissing the baby? Washing hands? Testing against infection? “Expecting” cups of coffee or whatever?
It seems to me that if a grandparent takes exception to any of this - or hasn’t thought of it first themselves - they are not putting the new mum and baby first, but themselves
Perhaps that is at the root of some of the Mother/ Daughter or DIL tension we see , namely that some grandparents cannot see that it is no longer all about them
The sad thing is that it should need saying at all.

I don't know what DD would think of this, it's so different from our relationship. I wasn't going to rush to see her first baby but SiL picked me up and took me to the hospital before she'd even come home and we just carried on from there. She wasn't that bothered about "bonding" just getting a bit of sleep was her main priority. I think she just relied on the fact that she and her brother had survived my attentions without any noticeable damage and she would always have dealt with things face to face rather than weird written messages.

Common sense doesnt mean the same for everybody

Madgran77

*Sorry can you explain what you mean by this?*

Your comment appeared to suggest to me that you thought I was suggesting it was ok for mum to be stressing her daughter out. So I was just clarifying that I was not suggesting that, I was just saying that we don't really know anything about background relationships.

Sorry, I really don't understand why you would think that at all. It doesn't make any logical sense. Hope you are OK.

Precious.

In my view the wording of the message is a bit clunky, but the content is spot on.

This young lass did speak to her mum, not once, but twice, and it seems to me that her mum refused to get the message. What else should she do, but put in writing what she wants so that everyone is clear about what’s expected? She’s softened the blow by promising FaceTime and updates - good for her I say.

Sorry can you explain what you mean by this?

Your comment appeared to suggest to me that you thought I was suggesting it was ok for mum to be stressing her daughter out. So I was just clarifying that I was not suggesting that, I was just saying that we don't really know anything about background relationships.