What would you think if you received this?

I understand the 'our baby our rules' thing, but I think the note is appalling! I wouldn't dream of sending out anything like that to distant friends and relatives, let alone people I am close to - and to send it to your Mum, is just awful. Well, let's just hope the baby sleeps and feeds well and they don't need any outside help, because if it all doesn't go to plan and they are struggling, it's going to be a tough fortnight.

If they don't want to even just stop the car on the way back from the hospital that's their choice but I still can't get my head around the written rules.

I hope this doesn't spoil our sister's excitement at the prospect of being a GM for the first time 2old4this but TBH I'm glad she's not my D.

I certainly wouldn't expect them to pop in on the way back from the hospital! That's totally unreasonable in my view.

Surely the rules of how to be around a new baby are unwritten rules, no one ever told me to wash my hands nor would I dreamt of telling my mother in law who brought seven of her own up, how to act around my child, I knew her and trusted her
Good grief ridiculous

it will change once baby is born, i give them 3 days and they will be on the phone asking her where she is.(i hope)

2old4this

This is in fact my niece writing to her mother, my sister.
My sister spoke to daughter inviting them to stop off on the way back from hospital so that she could meet baby, she was told firmly no, they would not call in, despite my sisters house being en route home. Even if they just stopped the car so that my sister could have a peek. No. She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......" only to be told that the other grandma didn't have a problem, the answer is still No! I'm deeply annoyed with my niece. The baby is due in 8 weeks

Perhaps they could do a Royal wave as they go by your sisters house ?

Don't be annoyed with your niece. She has been honest about how she feels and been clear.

I suspect that if your sister had not played the "But, I'm your Mum" card, but just accepted it with a good grace, there might have been some flexibility when the time came - now they will just dig heir heels in.

My daughter is expecting our first GC in the coming months. We live 40 mins away , I have already said we will wait to be invited , hospital visiting is out as it is partner's only anyway. Girls are usually older having their babies these days and are not so dependent on their mothers respect their wishes and a better relationship will be secured for the future. If I was your friend I would say call if you need us before.

My youngest DD did take me to one side before GDS was born and laid out lots of rules about not turning up and taking over.

Three days after she got home after a caesarian she was on the phone pleading for me to come round.

There isn't a day goes by that I read, in absolute awe and amazement, how some families function and treat each other. And for every one that I read, I thank God I have the DC, DILs and GC I've actually got.

2old4this

This is in fact my niece writing to her mother, my sister.
My sister spoke to daughter inviting them to stop off on the way back from hospital so that she could meet baby, she was told firmly no, they would not call in, despite my sisters house being en route home. Even if they just stopped the car so that my sister could have a peek. No. She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......" only to be told that the other grandma didn't have a problem, the answer is still No! I'm deeply annoyed with my niece. The baby is due in 8 weeks

With this back story I now understand the email. (Though it’s not my preference). Your sister sounds unable to hear the word no.

I’m not sure why you are annoyed with your niece though. Sounds like she tried to explain and was hitting a brick wall.

Precious.

When none of us know the family dynamics involved in this particular situation I can't see how we can comment.

The "rules" may be necessary for the daughter to feel in control of overbearing relatives. (Not saying that is the case, we don't know).

Maybe she needed to write it down in order to ensure that it was read and understood - nobody questioning her wishes later. Many young mums and partners really do prefer to get on with things by themselves, without having to even think about somebody knocking at the door.

Given the update, this email makes total sense - it is what I suspected

How is the relationship between mother and daughter before baby?

Your sister's expectations are very unreasonable.
Asking a woman who just gave birth to stop on the way home from the hospital on your sister's home so she can see the baby - holy entitlement
"But I am your mom" is your sister trying to force the new parents' hand and comply with your sister's agenda.
DNA doesnt pull rank and gets away with anything if the other party objects

This baby is not about your sister.
It is about the new parents.

Given this email, I would advise your sister to comply with the rules.

The more she pushes, huffs and puffs, the least she may see her daughter and the baby

Tell her to back off and be patient.
Babies do not have an expiration date.

I know I am male and alas never married, but for what it is worth I think that that is good sense on their part.

They could, in these troubled times, have quite reasonably suggested standing outside and be shown by looking through the closed window.

To me, the note is a protocol. Protocols are good because everybody knows the rules beforehand and so the event can happen happily and smoothly.

Visitors can expect, and should, go and wash their hands when they get there. The protocol is there, so if someone goes, that is the known-beforehand rule for when they get there.

Oh dear, it is in the "Ask a gran" section, maybe my view is irrelevant.

Pretty standard now for new parents to ask this for the first 2 weeks, wish I'd done the same really.

It's a sad fact that when our children have children, we take a step back in their priorities. It's been a hard lesson for me, but we now see them when they have the time and the inclination.

I'd wonder who had kidnapped my daughter and replaced her with someone so precious.

Their baby their rules. Why be upset in these days of Covid at least everyone knows where they are.
My first grandchild was born over seas as was my second I certainly did not see them for quite a few months. It has not interefered with the realtions I have with them.
Your friend could always request a facetime which I got from the hospital.

Please note that I was already thinking out and drafting a reply before the backstory was posted, so I had not seen it, but that does not alter my view.

Ditto MissAdventure. There but for the grace of God.....

It seems to me to be part of the lack of robustness of that generation, even though they are entitled to do things their way.

When our GD was born the other grandmother saw her almost immediately. We visited within the week, but didn't stay with the family so as to give them some space.

When DS was born my parents were on hand immediately, visiting while I was still in hospital. We invited MiL, who lived further away, to visit - and stay - the week I went home. We knew they'd all want to be involved.

And we all survived safely!

2old4this
has your sister indicated what has upset her so much,
The fact that her daughter has said she wants two weeks before anyone visits and what they have to comply with when they do.

Or the way it has been conveyed to her about their expectations

We were lucky enough to see our granddaughter in the hospital a few hours after she was born. We didn't expect it and we didn't ask. Our son in law phoned us and asked us to go. His parents were invited too. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking.

I think it’s fair enough, but would have been better if they’d talked to the grandparents, rather than send a message.

If it’s what they want, it has to be respected. When we had our children, everyone saw them, if they could, at first. Then we battened down the hatches for two weeks.

To be honest, at the moment with covid and any number of other viruses going around, I think they’re being wise....but yes, I would not have liked the mode of delivery. Would have accepted the reasoning.