What would you think if you received this?

That wouldn't bother me at all. I wish I had sent something like that to my mother in law!

I must say I LOL when I read this. Good for her though, it's rather sweet too. Important to note that she has sent this to everybody. You can smile secretly when she calls you a week in, "Mum, could you come a bit earlier haven't been sleeping much...."

My son and daughter in law's baby girl is due on Boxing Day and we have been told that we won't be seeing them over Christmas but my son phoned me and told me in a friendly way and I understood fully. Had I received a letter with silly hearts and a list of rules then yes I would have been very upset, there are kinder ways to get your point across especially to your Mother

My DHs younger daughter is having her baby by caesarean later this month, we don't know the date yet, a much longed for
IVF baby, I had already said to him that we should wait a couple of weeks before seeing them, as I thought she would be tired. She has now said that they want to quarantine for a couple of weeks after she comes out of hospital, her husband has a health condition which means that they have been very cautious during the pandemic. Its about a three hour journey to them, so we will stay locally for a few days.

It sounds like the new parents are absolutely terrified! And there is so much info on the internet and books on the 'right' thing to do. And yes, in amongst covid with the very high numbers she is being very protective. Of course your friend will feel disappointed but tell her to just breath deeply and try to smile at the idea of a new little person to love coming into her world. It's only a short wait in the grand scheme of things. I was a bit excluded when my grandchild first arrived and I remember feeling a little sad but that passed very quickly. I think its quite common now for the parents to just want to be a threesome with the new baby for a while. The new parents will calm down and before she knows it she will be babysitting ....and probably feeling exhausted!! It would have been kinder to have the conversation in person but it seems the expectant mum is just not up to that right now.

I think the rules are probably ok if a bit OTT. However the way they are written is downright unfriendly and unkind. 'When you are invited over please don't expect us to make coffees etc. 'we will be exhausted'. (Too exhausted to make your parents a cup of coffee?). Obviously we couldn't know it's hard work, nobody's ever had a baby before. However they're making the whole thing much harder than it needs to be. Rules for everything, I feel sorry for the child.
There is a kind way you can do this and there is a bossy, we know everything and you know nothing way. This is the latter.

I’d be very very upset

I have to say this is nothing new, I myself was told this by my daughter after her first child, we were a tad hurt, but then on thinking about it, if it's the first they want to bond, set about getting things in order, nurse comes in for 10 days after homecoming, their learning, I remember my MIL, would just arrive no phone call & she had to get 2 buses to get to us.
Everyone's different, after my daughter realised the work involved, we were there every day.
When next baby was due we stayed a few days before & a good week after.
Remember, new parents emotions are all over the place, when they see you they want to appear confident with baby, you see grandparents have done it before, hence they want that feeling of "look we can do this".
I just think go with the flow.

I think I would feel upset BUT not show it and like others have said just go with it. So many new mums get overwhelmed and feel they miss out on bonding time and muddling through early days as a family.

I really can't see anything to get upset about here. They are just saying please give us a little time to adjust, and please be considerate regarding infections.

Enid101

Just smile and nod and then be ready to step in when they need you.

This would be my reaction. My daughter did the 2 week rule for her second baby...it lasted until the day after she had given birth and then all of a sudden, she changed her mind. I think at this stage, acceptance of the rules without fuss lays the grounding for an easier relationship.

All I can say is I am glad she is not my daughter, I find the note horrible ?

I have three stepsons. The oldest and youngest invited us to visit their babies as soon as they were born. Obviously we were delighted to see them. The middle stepson had a partner who was extremely reluctant for us to visit - at any point really. We enquired (we would never just turn up obviously) and we’re told not to visit. We were never encouraged to see the child and whilst she is a nice little girl (she is now 10) we do not know her in the same ways as the other children and sadly are not as close.

I would have been deeply upset if I’d not been able to see my first grandchild up close. Surely it’s not too much too ask to stop for a quick peep at the baby. It’s on their way home after all. I get the rules given current times but even so. Newborn babies don’t really have routines yet. I used to go over and watch baby 2 last December (as I was in the baby bubble) while mum and dad had a little time to have dinner, shower or even just sit. I would only be there for up to an hour. It helped them a lot and I loved it.

My daughter said pretty much the same in regards my first grandchild and with Covid around I could see her point. We went when baby was a month old, paid for private covid tests too. Go with it. It's for the baby's safety.

I think they just lost a babysitter!

Expectant Mother’s have always been hormonal. She’s having a baby during a pandemic. Of course, except for parents, absolutely no one should be holding the baby or be within 6feet of baby.
Of course no visitors although parents seem ok with this.
Let the parents enjoy the baby.
I do wish parents would give their post school age children space.
If they allow all to hold and kiss and hug the baby, I’d consider this a safeguarding issue.
She’ll get videos. Please encourage her to say that she understands. She’ll sadly be the looser if she objects.

I’m with Elderly Person. Just stop by on the way home so grandma can just have a peek. No one even needs to get out of the car and it would only take a few minutes. Both our girls were desperate for us to meet our grandchildren. I wonder what kind of relationship she has with her daughter. I would have been devastated or thought it was a joke, just ridiculous.

New parents really think they’ll have a routine in place after 2 weeks - good luck with that. If I had a daughter who sent that note to me I would question my relationship with her, she could have talked to her Mum quietly to explain, and not send a round robin. Children who have grandparents in their life are happier. I was not allowed to bond with my first grandchild as DiL very very possessive and wouldn’t let us visit for the first week and certainly we were not ever allowed to hold the baby; (note to self - never never delay booking a holiday to be around to welcome your first grandchild) My other son had us round ASAP as he was a really proud Dad, I have a very strong bond with my grandson. We payed a flying visit, a quick cuddle and left them to it, but the bond was made. Each to their own, I suppose, hope the daughter doesn’t expect Grandma to step in for childcare later on. Question to self - why do people have children when they will dump childcare on someone else? Do people need to involve potential grandparents in their decision if they expect free childcare? Why don’t we have better affordable childcare on this country? So glad I’ve gone past that stage of life - no childcare! Just ancient MiL care.

Yes, I would feel upset and agree with Smileless about people appearing to lose the ability to just talk to one another. I can understand their need for time on their own, but they are denying the pleasure they would feel by not including the family into their world joy. To me it sounds overly controlling and sucks out all of the spontaneity of such a joyous occasion. I believe it would be better for the couple to have a conversation with the family. It seems like this attitude is becoming more prevalent and I think it could negatively affected relationships rather than nurture them. There may be times ahead when the couple welcome help and support and would be wise to consider this. I just think that it’s sad and while respecting the couple need to make their own plans and decisions regarding their baby, setting strict rules sounds harsh.

With covid things are making people far more careful which is good. I can see that this is very sensible. There is nothing your friend can do so no point in stressing about it. She just has to accept and be patient

What a way to communicate with your mum! I don’t have a problem with the rules, but surely grandma deserves to be treated differently to the rest of the family and friends. If the daughter had explained in person that they wanted time together, but that they didn’t mind calling on the way home, or a quick 10 minute visit in the first few days it would have been easier to accept. I can see how you would feel excluded from the enjoyment of your first grandchild. I think the COVID situation makes things difficult and can understand why they would want to be careful, but it’s your grandchild, you’re not going to put her at risk if you can possibly help it. You don’t actually need to hold her….just admire her!

I have no idea why some of you would have your noses put out of joint by this message.
New parents need to get a routine going, heal, get themselves organised and not be concerned about having to entertain visitors. It’s the last thing they’ll have the energy to do.
And it’s very sensible to ask DGP to keep a physical distance initially. Their baby, as they said, will not have a fully developed immune system.
Right now the most important people are mum, dad and baby. Everyone else is secondary.
And the hearts are to let people know that they are not being stand-offish and that they wish to cause no upset.
The friend should look forward to her first visit just 2 weeks away!

I'd be proud of them for setting their boundaries very clearly and fairly. I'd have no problem with this.

Communication involves talking, listening, understanding what the message is and think now to proceed based on that message

This mother is clearly not listening when she pulled the "but I am your mom" card