‘ This Morning’ with Phil and Holly

I agree that the parents should chose what and who they spend Xmas with. My daughter expects her first child on Xmas day (such planning) , so she will either be hugely pregnant or already a mother. I live with her and her fiancé and am cooking for all so she can put her feet up and relax. There will be 7 adults for Xmas day and fully expect it to be a fluid time, lots of chilling times and go with the flow. If my daughter would rather be on her own with her new baby and fiancé then I can take myself off to my partners or mums. The other grandparents to be will be visiting a week before, depending on baby. I hope that I have a good enough relationship with my daughter for her to tell me to get lost if she needs space. I’ll be there hopefully to make sure they have a decent meal and cups of tea and shopping done so they can concentrate on their little one. However much I would love a lot of baby cuddles, I will have a lifetime of those come. I’m only entitled to what the parents want.

I don't watch the programme but can emphasise with both sides. Best idea to invite grand parents (both sides) for coffee and mince pie either mid morning or afternoon and have the rest of the day for the three of you. That way they don't miss out and you get your family time. Maybe next year you can spend more time with them all and the baby will be older to interact with you.

Sounds appallingly selfish! Even if very rare this is HIS parents!? Why new mums asking that bunch of losers I dunno? Has she no friends/family? She really needs to start as she means to go on, they're guests and as such should wait to be invited-or accept if they're not specially with a tiny new tot, mum and dad need to get organised away from nosey/bossy/interfering in-laws. In-laws are there when needed - they sound utter knobs

kwal

I don't watch the programme but can emphasise with both sides. Best idea to invite grand parents (both sides) for coffee and mince pie either mid morning or afternoon and have the rest of the day for the three of you. That way they don't miss out and you get your family time. Maybe next year you can spend more time with them all and the baby will be older to interact with you.

Don't agree, Christmas is a week long or more, why the ridiculous idea that everyone HAS to see baby on the day?! Backwards thinking and bizarrely selfish , don't they know that we have those things that capture moments like Christmas etc........oh ya! Cameras and Skype......facetime.....zoom! Thanks goodness for modern technology, why are people so very selfish?

Galaxy

I know that whenever I am making a decision I always think I wonder what Philip Schofield would do, I then at all times try to do the opposite.

I haven't read the whole thread so I apologise if I am repeating but the agony aunt is Dear Deidre isn't it? who used to do The Sun problem page? There was always a photo story which involved sex and a men with his top off there always used to be a copy in the staff room

Granny23

The best advice I was ever given was that Christmas is a Season, not one day. Our arrangements were complicated because DH played in a dance band, which meant that he was 'working' Christmas Eve, Christmas lunch, Christmas dinner, same again on boxing day and repeat at New Year. My Father was a shift worker so big family dinners could be at lunch time, tea time, evening, or whenever to suit him. My parents were happy to get together at some point over the season but MIL made a fuss every Christmas and expect her son to collect and return her and Grandpa (they didn't drive) for dinner at our house every Christmas Day. Managed to fall out and spoil every single Christmas.

How dreadful! Haven't they heard of taxis? Or did they like most that gen. Think it was an extravagance for the wealthy?! Bet they never offered any fuel money either, or think maybe DH may have wanted a little drink? Sympathies.....

This will be our 47th christmas and we've spent all of them with parents and in laws and godparents and siblings and friends who have nowhere else to go. Some years upwards of 30 people . I think thats what Christmas is about .When my daughter had her second baby she took over cooking Christmas dinner ...her choice and we all flocked there .Last year she was so disappointed that covid had spoiled the day and her Granny (the last surviving GP) spent it with just us ,her son and me.This year my son will be with his partners family as their baby is an only GC for her parents and thats fine . They'll pop in here later in the day.Surely Christmas is all about FAMILY ?

Granny23 when my parents decided a big Christmas was too much for them I plated their dinners and delivered it to them while everyone else ate theirs.They used to call me their meals on wheels .Mind you I cooked almost every meal for mum after dad died even when she was in hospital 18 miles away

We’ve usually alternated Christmas with in laws and the children and families are happy with this. They’d soon shout if they weren’t. We’ve taken to eating out but left it too late to book this year. So DD1 is doing lunch.

I wouldn’t invite these needy grandparents into the house at all as getting them out might prove difficult. They obviously intend to start as they mean to go on.

Things with new babies change quite often so there’s no knowing if he/she will be sleeping/feeding well in two months time. I’d perhaps say we’ll pop round for an hour in the morning when convenient.

I have never trusted Agony Aunts after reading an answer by M Proops years ago.
A 15 year old boy was distressed because his mother had found him crying over something. Instead of consoling him she proceeded to fondle him. M. Proofs answer..."Don't be too upset it was just like her putting a sticking plaster over a wound when you were younger"
WHAT?? Imagine if this was a father/daughter.

When D 2 had her first baby I wondered whether she would feel “torn” between her in-laws and us as my DH was in poor health and her MIL had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s so the obvious thing (to me) was to invite D and SIL and the baby and also the in-laws to stay with us. (The rest of the extended family descended on us on Boxing Day which was bit full on, but lovely. )
I had at the back of my mind that we might be helping make memories for D’s MIL as she was deteriorating rapidly, although still able to live at home. But I feared it might be her last Christmas together with the family.
Little did I guess that it was to be DH’s last Christmas as he died the following November.
Funny how things turn out.

A baby won't know if it is it's first Christmas or not.

I agree with TonysBride, Christmas Day was for being at home by ourselves. I was glad when my husband's brother moved away - he and his family love the big extended family Christmas so are perfectly happy to invite the pils to stay!!

Grandparents grow up and respect the new family and how they want to do things. The new parents need your support and understanding - “running” Christmas is exhausting without a young baby. For quite a few years I catered for my 2 sons and families on Xmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day (whilst running my own business). Resentment began to set in as no one wanted to take over from me (and certainly not invite us instead), and I was so relieved when they all decided they wanted to have Xmas Day on their own. Gradually I ditched the Boxing Day get together (still no one invited us or offered to take the day on) and just continued with the Xmas Eve children's treasure hunt and buffet. This was entirely selfish as I (now) dislike Xmas Day and Boxing Day, but had great fun designing the hunt and the prizes. One year Granddad was dressed as the elf on a shelf. (Once a son asked if he could bring anything for the buffet (hurray), he turned up with 2 bags of supermarket salad and threw them on the worktop and walked off. I was stunned and upset at his selfish rudeness, hence the last of Boxing Day parties.

I can’t think why the mum put her problem to the programme in the first place. The young parents need to make their own decisions as to what suits them best.
In my experience, babies of between 3 - 6 months are the easiest and cuddliest, so I can understand the grandparents wanting to spend time with the baby, but any time will do, as long as it suits the parents.
My second child was due on 20 December and we already had a very challenging two year old, so that year we invited my parents to come and help, which they gladly did. In the event, I was still heavily pregnant, so when they went home, my parents offered to take my daughter with them for a few days, which gave me a chance to put my feet up and rest before the birth. I was so grateful. Grandparents do have their uses!

Mitten

I’m 73 and thinks it’s time Ageism was taken seriously… I went to a new Doctors recently and when I said I was there for my HRT check I was greeted with “what you are 73” and then given endless reasons why I could not use it anymore. I work 3 days a week and yesterday my manager sent me an e-Mail checking my date of birth and when I confirmed it as correct the message I got back was in capitals and so offensive I can’t type it here. I really do not think that in 2021 people over 65 should be treated as as homogeneous group of aged people. I would like others views on this please.

I'm guessing someone else will have said that this should be a whole other thread. But it really is important. I have an HRT check up later this week and I'm dreading some new young doctor telling me I can't take it any more. My last GP, lovely man, said there was no reason to stop, if I accepted the few low risks it carries. He had patients in their 80s on it. Sadly he's retired! Ageism is a total and unacceptable bastard.

I would never foist myself on my kids, let alone if they had a new baby and during covid times! Shocking! What if they bring inection into a house with a small baby? How do they expect to maintain a good relationship if they railroad like this! If it was my parents/inlaws who did this under those circumstances it would be the beginning of the end of them seeing the grandchildren as it really is 'my child, my home, my rules!' and I'd no longer trust them. I saw a rubbish TV show many years ago trying to resolve family dilemmas and the mum didn't want her kids in the car when people were smoking and she was told she was unreasonable! What interfering ignorant TV and this is another case of the same sort of stupidity.

Well I don’t watch it. I must say I think they are totally unfair to go to that extreme. They want a Christmas with just there new baby and I think the paternal parents should accept that. Very selfish people.

While we are on the subject about this silly pair Holly and phil I find lose woman complete rubbish. They really annoy me too. So don’t watch that either.

I think in this case I would let them come and when they arrive tell them it's just egg and chips for lunch and you haven't bothered with decorations because it's too much faff with the baby. If they want to be useful they could get the washing on for you .......................

In our case it was the other way round. My first baby was born on December 2nd and my mother told me firmly that I wouldn't want to go visiting anyone with a new baby so we were to have a quiet Christmas at home. Well, by the time we had had lunch and changed yet more nappies we were so bored and isolated that I was on the phone begging her to let us come round!

Never watched this programme. People need to make up their own minds about such things. No one comes to my house for Christmas day unless they are specifically invited.

When my babies were born, in the seventies ( in Germany), it was encouraged that you kept visitors and trips out to a minimum during the first 6 weeks of a babies life, until they developed natural immunity. Even more important these days with Covid. My daughter was told 3 weeks in the noughties in UK. I shudder when I see a tiny baby out in crowded places, did anyone else have this advice given to them?

Aw the poor girl.I am a Grandma and would only want whatever my daughter and her husband felt like doing. Christmas is a stressful time for everyone especially with covid.I hope they get to do what they want to.

Such pushy grandparents are going to be a nightmare for the poor woman. I think she should of asked the Mums on Mumsnet, they seem quite a strong minded group.

Holly and Phil, is it just me or do you get sick of seeing them on TV.

Don’t watch daytime tv so can’t comment about the programme, but why ask a tv programme to advise about anything? Up to you surely.
Doesn’t it depend on your family relationships?
We always loved the whole family being together at Christmas (DH’s parents were no longer alive), as happened when we were children, and dearly miss them now my parents are gone. Dd often spends Christmas with her partner's parents, who are often abroad with his work. Her choice, though we miss her. Still waiting for GC!
I was often on call at Christmas, so everyone came to ours, and if I was called, DM and DB rallied round with the cooking, which we otherwise all mucked in with anyway. Otherwise, Christmas was where the children were, less presents to lug around the country, and they’d sleep in their own beds!
When my daughter was 4 months old, and very colicky, Mum and DB cooked Christmas dinner, I was able to look after DD, who could barely be put down long enough to eat a meal, and Mum took over to nurse her while I ate.
Dread to think what it would have been like if they had expected to be waited on or entertained, but we were lucky enough not to have that sort of family relationship.