Unexpected gift

i would be very wary of this situation.
i have heard of several occasions where similar has happened then after the older person dies, the relatives appear and accuse the friend of taking things or using undue influence to get them.
far from being grateful, many relatives, esp distant ones who have not given any support to their elder, are quick to accuse.

Accept it with an open heart just as was intended by the giver. The dear lady wants you to have it so it would be churlish to try to return it whatever it’s value turns out to be.
In your shoes I’d get it valued so it can be properly insured. That’s the business side of it. The other side is one of love and esteem. Don’t dwell, simply enjoy it.

If the lady is quite elderly, she could be in the early stages of Alzheimers/Dementia. I'd be very careful as, if she is, she may acuse you of stealing it if she suddenly sees you wearing in one day. If you are certain she is OK, it may be better to ask her to write a little note and sign it to say she has gifted it to you. I don't mean to make you sound distrustful but, as an example, you say her kids live abroad. If or when the lady passes and her kids were to come to a funeral, the daughter might notice the ring and state that that was the one her mother had promised to her. Can you see what I mean? no matter how trustworthy you are, something like this could be very unpleasant especially when you have such a good relationship with this couple.

Take it to the jeweller and see it’s worth if you want, but as it’s the sentiment behind the giving and wearing of it, does it matter? You won’t be selling it. I think the giving and receiving of gifts whilst in a caring role is usually discouraged for obvious reasons, but I don’t know the full circumstances so cannot comment. I am a believer of wearing things you love rather than keep them in a box for someone else to have, I too have given a couple of items away to special people as I didn’t wear them and they enjoyed them.

lemsip

I used to visit an old lady. when she died I was appalled when her family asked me to choose something of hers to remember her by...appalled to think that's why I had visited her for so long.... I won't forget her.

I don't think they were thinking you'd forget her if you didn't have the item. It shows they knew how important your relationship was and they wanted to give you a sentimental object. I think that's lovely. When my family member died I didn't give anything to anyone who wouldn't really treasure it, because I treasured everything connected to them too much for that.

You are right of course Riverwalk it is complicated by working for them. I had skipped over that.
Usually you are only allowed token gifts - in my previous roles there was usually a "sum" attached so if the gift was likely to be worth more than "x" you had to decline. We always had to "log" gifts too.

If this is a private working arrangement I would definitely write a thank you note as a minimum and log it in my work diary too.

Maybe someone with knowledge of private employment will come along and have better ideas.

Are yoi afraid someone will think you have stolen it?
Ask her to write a nite to say she’s gifted it to you maybe

Sorry fat fingers! The exact same situation occurred with my grandmother in that an elderly lady that she knew insisted that my grandmother pick a piece of jewellery as a keepsake. My grandmother eventually decided to pick a ring that had a stone missing because she thought it was likely to be less valuable than the others.

It turned out to be very valuable ring and when my grandmother discovered this she spoke to the elderly lady’s daughter who simply said “Mother wanted you to have it so it is yours. Please keep it and thank you for all you have done for her”.

So enjoy the gift please.

I remember the exact same situation happening wi

If the lady doesn't have dementia then I don't think it is a problem. If she does, you're on shaky ground.

I'd probably try to phone one of the lady's children in confidence.

Most people have overlooked the fact that the OP works for this lady and her husband.

I'm an RN and still do the odd assignment, via an agency, nursing people in their own homes. Many a time I have to politely decline gifts, including jewellery & furniture - nothing more than a box of chocolates or flowers is accepted.

Sometimes when a person ages and is reliant on others for tasks and company all they have to give is either money or some kind of belongings. As long as the lady is fully aware of what she has done and doesn't have memory issues then i would accept with good grace, But i would also make a note somewhere of the date she gave you the ring and that you refused several times but she choose and insisted you take it. That way at least if the family get 'funny' you can verify exactly what and when it happened.

I agree you should keep it and enjoy it, but I suggest you get it valued and properly insured

What a lovely and thoughtful gift.
I’ve given quite a few items away to various friends and family members. All were given with careful thought, appreciation and much love.
It’s delightful to be able to make someone smile and to perhaps know that their friendship, assistance or thoughtfulness has been appreciated, often treasured.
Sometimes giving is far more pleasurable than actually receiving.
I’d be appalled if any of my recipients checked with my adult children!! I’d also be very disappointed if the recipient asked to return it as it was valuable!
The ring needs to be valued in case you need extra insurance. That should be done prior to wearing it outdoors.
Otherwise, just accept a lovely gift in the spirit it was given and continue to enjoy your mutual friendship.

I agree you should keep it. She wanted you to have something, and specifically gave you that ring when she was of sound mind. She did say it was not one of her special rings. Depending on the T & C of your house insurance, it may be covered, but personally, I would not get it valued now. Just enjoy wearing it.
My MiL, who had dementia and had carers coming in, gave them lots of nice jewellery, but she did not know what she was doing, and they should not have accepted it. It did upset us though we did not pursue it.

She wants you to have it because she thinks a lot of you, she appreciates what you do for her and your friendship. Wear it with pride.

You wouldn't choose, so she chose for you. That's the end of it.

She obviously values your friendship - take the gift and wear it with pride

When my mother died I must have appalled many people, Lemsip as I gave away many many items to people she loved. Some at her direction, some I said “is there something special you might like to have of mum’s”.
It was awkward to say it maybe, but was done out of love and respect.. one person chose a candlestick, another a vase, another a copper kettle that her own son had dented as a boy… one took her huge collection of tea towels.

It was comforting to gift these small mementoes and be privy to the stories behind their choices.

Agree with all posters who say you should keep the gift, but maybe the lady could make a note that she has given it to you voluntarily in case her children, god forbid, accuse you of taking advantage or stealing. I never would have believed how nasty things could get when greed takes over, but it does even within families.

What a lovely gesture ... she wanted you to have it and enjoy it as she did ....the only reservation I would have is that if she suddenly (or her Executors when she dies) she had ;relatives; they may try to claim her jewellery if they knew of its existence ...this happened to my late mother in law, who cooked, cleaned, shopped, and looked after an elderly neighbour, not expecting anything in return ...its what people did then ! BUT when she gave her a lovely red ring my m i l tried to refuse but the lady insisted .....when she died, the first thing the relatives said when they cleared the house (never having set foot in it for years !) is WHERE's that ring she used to have....the expensive red ruby one ? it should be ours ......they had the house, all the other jewellery and effects ....but they still wanted to have the ring back, Of course, my m i l gave it to them .....but how unfair since they had to be found even, to let them know she had died ....maybe to leave it in her Will would be a better idea ...

Just to avoid any future misunderstandings, I would ask the lady if she would mind writing a note and signing it, with a brief description of the ring, stating it was gifted to you. That way you don't need to get it valued just incase it's valuable and her family might question you having it.

Wear it and enjoy it

It is a lovely gesture, and they obviously think very highly of you. As the lady wants you to have the ring as a gift, you should be entitled to keep it. However, as others have mentioned, if it is of value, I would want make sure that her son & daughter are aware of the fact that their mother wanted you to have the ring.

Sometimes, unpleasant things happen when people pass away, and it would be dreadful for you if, at some point in the future, her children want to know what's happened to the ring. I'd be inclined to get it valued, and if it is worth quite a bit, I'd tell your friend how much you appreciate the gift, but would you'd feel more comfortable about accepting it is she tells her children that she wishes for you to have it. I'm sure, knowing how well thought of you are by their parents, they would be more than happy for you to have it. But, assuming they are aware of the ring and, if it is valuable, it would be awful if they wondered what had happened to it after their parents passed away, and that could put you in a potentially difficult situation. Get it valued, and then you'll know if you need to voice your concerns to this lovely couple.