Moving away

PoppyandGrandma, just one other point I'd like to make ... You obviously have a close relationship with your daughter, in which case, believe me, she will be feeling devastated too at the thought of leaving her parents behind. She will understand how you're feeling, and she knows that you're going to miss them terribly. Not only does she have to deal with the worry, and uncertainty, of moving to another country, but she has to deal with all of those personal emotions too. However, for her sake, try to put on a brave face, and try not to show quite how upset you are. Let her know that whilst you're sad that they are going, and you will miss them terribly, you understand why they are doing it, and wish them the best in their new life. Let her know that you look forward to visiting once they are settled, and will be excited to see their new home.

PoppyandGrandma, I've been on both sides of this coin. I was the daughter who moved overseas many years ago, with my husband and young children, leaving behind my devastated parents. I'm an only child, and my children were my parents only grandchildren. It was sad for us all, and we didn't make the decision lightly. We did it for better career prospects for my husband, and what we hoped would be a better life for the whole family. My parents were absolutely gutted, but they gave us their blessing to go, knowing that we were trying to make a better life for our little family. They visited us for many wonderful holidays over the years, and they were happy that we had obviously made the right decision, especially for our children, who had a better education, lots of freedom, and so many experiences that they otherwise would never have had. We kept in touch constantly, and visited each other as often as we could. The close bond that my parents had with their grandchildren was never broken, and was always strong.

Fast forward to the present day, and I am now the grandparent whose son, DiL, and my two grandchildren (one whom I've not yet met due to Covid!), live another country. The longing to see them never goes away, but just knowing that they are happy, and enjoying their life, having great experiences, and making wonderful memories, is one of the best possible things that we can hope for.

I promise that the pain and upset you are feeling right now will ease over time. And when you get to visit them, and see the life they have built for themselves, you'll understand that it was the right decision, and you'll be happy for them.

Labron how exciting. Maybe a small gift for each of them and you could get a couple of games - Orchard are good and there are some for 4-7 year olds which you could play together. Try to be matter of fact with them - answer questions they may have truthfully but not too complicated until you know what each child can understand. I have very very in-depth conversations with 7yo DGS1 and his sister at 4 is turning out just the same - she never stops - last one involved nursery school, primary school, university and jobs!!!! She is at nursery! The conversation about what you do at university and how long you go there and why Mummy went there and Daddy went to a college (police) was slightly more simplified with her than if her brother was questioning but they remember at that age what you say and will tell you if you change it. Other conversations involve Barbies, unicorns and Frozen. Just go with the flow, try to be natural, find out from your DC what their interests are and again - how exciting!

Labron

I am due to meet my newly adopted grandchildren age 4 and 7 for the first time shortly.im rather nervous has anyone got any advice for me please?

Labron please start your own thread with this important question, more people will see it then x

I do get how you feel, one our daughters and her daughter lived with us for a year when our granddaughter was a year old, and I became very attached to her. When they left, I really missed her and worried about her, even though we still saw her regularly.
After a gap of eight years, and another disastrous relationship, she is back with three of them!
If it helps, we have a really close bond with the eldest, she will always be special to us, and you will always be special to your granddaughter.

I am due to meet my newly adopted grandchildren age 4 and 7 for the first time shortly.im rather nervous has anyone got any advice for me please?

It is heartbreaking and I won't say there is Skype and Facetime as nothing beats a hug and kiss - many do it's very insensitive. However, many of us have to contend with this and this is better than nothing as you will see you GC grow and develop. I send mine books and buy one myself so we can do 'together' reading. The time difference can cause a problem but I hope that you can all work around this. Please PM me if you want to chat privately. I am in this situation.

This is so sad for you as you have had such close contact and it sounds as if it may have been a sudden decision you’re weren’t aware of but the 5 years that you’ve had already is such a huge bonus that so many others never get, tuck all those memories into your heart they are there for ever and you have a bond that won’t be broken by distance
It will take a lot of getting used to because not many have their children living under their roof for so long
So many on here including myself have grandkids all over the world
I may be wrong but it sounds as if this has been a shock and you never saw it coming and that’s the part that is hardest to get over once you have understood the reasoning and got over the shock you will get used to it Your hearts may feel broken but they are not, your children and grandchild are alive well and doing what they feel is right for them and in time you will acclimatise to it and manage the long distance relationship Distance won’t break that bond be happy for them and never let your granddaughter feel it’s wrong to be moving
Good luck it will take time but you ll get there

Of course you are sad, you have every right to be. There are many of us on here with children living far away. We are sad too, especially now with Covid travel restrictions.
It’s early days and it will be hard but in time you will get used to this new normal, you have to.
Keep in touch with your gd by post they love to get a letter addressed to them, send her stickers etc and make plans to visit. Something to look forward to.
Basically there is no choice, it has to be managed, You will be ok, given time.

It is sad for you but you will cope, try and be happy for them, it’s a new adventure for them,

I have to admit that is sad very sad

You can take comfort in knowing that the people you love so very much will have a better life

Keep in touch with them as much as you can so you haven't lost them and they haven't lost you completely

I can promise you it won't always feel this. Painful, day by day the pain will ease and what will ensure that is if you think daily of how much better off their whole lives will be

Come back and talk on this thread if you need a bit of reassurance that things will definitely start to feel not so painful soon ?

You will miss them a lot PoppyandGrandma especially since they lived with you.
It's hard when our families move to another country, so many people on here have family in USA, Australia, NZ etc. Try to be positive about their new life and the opportunities that will be open to them there. You can keep in touch much more easily now, there was no Internet etc when my daughter and her family went to America, letters and phone calls had to suffice.
Stay positive and look forward to a time when you can visit.

I'm sorry you are going through such a painful time.
Grieve for the life you knew, then make plans for the new one.

You will cope.
The pain is definitely there BUT they think they will make a better life.

Be generous and try to be happy for them.

That's a big change for you and it will cause grief. It won't be the same but I hope you can work out regular visits.