When I am gone.

My children's dad opted for medical science thinking he was saving them and himself the cost of a funeral, he didn't read the small print, as he had an autopsy his body was no good to be used for medical science and as he left no money my girls were left to foot the bill, maybe it was just him but beware you maybe unbeknownst leaving your offspring with the cost of your funeral.

My grandmother died many years ago now and left me some money. I used this to pay for my funeral with a funeral preplanner. We checked them out and they were legitimate and it meant that whenever I die everything is already settled even down to the funeral notices.
I am not very sentimental and I know from working in medicine that death administration can be overwhelming for the bereaved, so it's all planned (but not booked as I say to my children)! I have always been a an organised person and have had a will (regularly updated) since my 30s when my children arrived.
I have an advanced directive regarding my health wishes and am in the process of completing powers of attorney. I want to make things as easy as possible for those left behind.

My husband and I are donating our bodies to Medical Science. Any money which would be used for cremation our children can make good use of I am sure.

I’m sure you are aware because you are donating you bodies mar76 but many people may not be. There are certain criteria for donating bodies and many are rejected, and formalities need to be completed whilst you are alive. As was mentioned up thread, it’s good to have another option in place as an alternative.

I have always found cremations very distressing and about 20 years ago decided on a woodland burial. I thought it would be a happy place for my family to visit. Then I saw a diagram of the trees with coffins (?), bodies anyway, buried like the dials of a clock all round the tree and decided I was wrong and my romantic idea of self and a tree was not what was going to happen. Now I find myself having to persuade my daughter that I have changed my mind and that I want to be cremated but I don’t want anyone to attend, so a direct cremation.

I want the family to get together for some fun and laughter, (I hope it happens in Summer) and for that to be one of the memories the grandchildren hold, not my coffin disappearing through the curtains. I must write down what I want to happen and then hopefully my offspring will comply. The other two refuse point blank to believe that I’m not going to live to 100 and it’s wrong to talk about dying but my doctor would say otherwise. I will leave it to them to decide what to do with the ashes but I’m a life long gardener so I suggest they dig a hole in some lovely place and leave them there and don’t mark the spot.

You could always pay for your funeral in advance. My father did for himself and then over 20 years later my mum died and the funeral plan once again was honoured. It was brilliant professional service from (co-op) and altho we still had to pay for flowers i will never doubt the afternoon adverts fir funeral plans again.

We have decided on cremation, and when we’re both ashes, we hope The Boys will scatter them together on some moorland ideally near a brook. Requested they take a decent bottle of Fizz and some smoked salmon to make the outing worthwhile and to toast our memory.
Exmoor/Dartmoor/New Forest/Long Mynd.
Definitely no grave maintenance please.

Thank you everyone for all advice, stories, some sad and others hilarious, I like the idea of burying my dogs ashes with me, at the moment she is residing on the hall table in a beautiful carved box. On a more serious note I have found all your comments comforting and helpful. You have helped me to reach a decision and that is to be cremated and my ashes put in my husbands grave. Again sincere thanks for all your replies. May you all have a long and happy life.

I’m going for Pure Cremation which means no funeral at all. Having attended a few in the past 12 months, I’m more certain than ever that I want JUST cremating. No service and then a lovely get together a couple of months later to celebrate.

Some might think this odd but I don’t wants to put my nearest and dearest through a usual, formal funeral. I don’t even want my ashes scattered.

I was warned to stay away from ore paid funeral plans , as they're not worth the paper they're written on, by the time you die, the company has changed hands and loop holes are found to charge extra for the same instructions. I was told this by a professional body so buyers beware, your made promises that aren't kept . Your payment could be worthless by the time you die

Parents wishes were cremation followed by ashes scattered in village churchyard. Mum passed in 1991 but Vicar told Dad for various reasons her wishes could not be carried out. Eventually he did carry out a very very low key affair and said a few words. We knew it would not be permitted when it was Dads turn so it was a family joke with me and my Brother that we would each take a handful of Dads ashes down each trouser leg and”go for a walk” in the churchyard until he was gone. Fast forward to 3 years ago and new Vicar but ashes not permitted to be scattered ? so under the cover of darkness, we carried out the deed and scattered ashes in vicinity with Mum. Having met and married during WW11 they would both have had a right good laugh.

i decided years ago that i did not want a funeral, my body will be cremated and ashes scattered, no service or anything, some people have said that is not fair to my family but i only have 1 son and he is happy with whatever i decide.

I have my late husband ashes at home in our bedroom in a double urn. When it's my time I will be cremated and join him in the urn. We will then be scattered together.

All arranged on prepayment plan with The CoOp. All my requests for the service and my will done too as was my husband though I didn't expect to need him them so early with my late husband

It's not morbid. It's a natural part of life that needs discussing more than it'll is. Death is a very natural process of life. Our Western world is too sterile over death today

Yorki

I was warned to stay away from ore paid funeral plans , as they're not worth the paper they're written on, by the time you die, the company has changed hands and loop holes are found to charge extra for the same instructions. I was told this by a professional body so buyers beware, your made promises that aren't kept . Your payment could be worthless by the time you die

That's why we went with the CoOp as they aren't likely to go out of business. No way would I go with a small company.

My money is in a SunLife investment through the CoOp. I found this out when my late husband passed unexpectedly three years ago

It doesn't really matter does it, when you leave this world nothing apart from your loved ones will be important to you..

The only thing you need to consider is how much do you want to spend because cremation is much cheaper

It concerns me that neither of the adult GC have any interest in the hobbies and equipment that have been built up over a lifetime.If one or both, and DD and SiL would show some interest the stuff would b epiut to good use.
I fear that much will be just get junked, through not realising the usefulness to them, so that someone else gets the benefit.
And time is not on my side!.
Any ideas?

A friend died some years ago, we went to the funeral, she left money for a lovely tea and some months later went to a firework display with music, her ashes were in the fireworks!

We scattered my granny's ashes under the bush where all her cats liked to sit. I'm sure she's very happy there, in the garden, by the window of the sitting room, under the tree with her cats.

This is a weird coincidence. Only this afternoon DD and I were talking about bereavemnt and funerals (having had a few just lately) and I said that I had always, up until this last while, wanted to be buried but was now thinking more towards cremation.

I asked her what would she prefer for both me and her Dad as she's an only child and I want her to have some comfort when we're not here in terms of remembrance. She absolutely floored me when she said she would like, with our blessing, to have our ashes turned into diamonds so that she would always have us with her wherever in the world she was. She said that we would be as valuable in death as we had been in life to her - which I found touching beyond belief ❤

When I am gone, I am gone. Couldn't care less what the family do with me, I will not be around to know or care.

Same as Bluebelle - ashes scattered in the ocean, to float away to distant lands.

I decided that I really don't care about what happens to my body. After all, it's not 'me' - just a vehicle for my soul.

I prepaid for an unattended cremation and my ashes will be taken to my eldest daughter. I've told the kids to have a party/meal/get together, then scatter my ashes in any convenient woodland.

At least they'll know what to do - and hopefully not argue about it.

Now, being buried would have been a problem. Which husband to be buried with?

Help my ex daughter in law has had three live in partners since my son splint up from her the youngest is not four until next month and she’s made the children call each one dad what can we do

Jannana62 This is not the best thread to ask this question.

Click on 'Forums' at the top of the page. Choose the topic 'Ask a Gran' then click on the orange box saying 'Start a new discussion' Give your topic a title, Perhaps, 'What should children call new partners after split from biological father'
and then copy and paste (or rewrite ) waht you have posted here. I am sure you will quickly get lots of responses.

You could always weave your own willow coffin. I made mine years ago on a local weekend craft workshop. www.wyldwoodwillow.co.uk/product/willow-coffin-making-workshop-21st-24th-sept-2021/
Also plenty of affordable bamboo coffins available on Amazon.