When I am gone.

My children's dad opted for medical science thinking he was saving them and himself the cost of a funeral, he didn't read the small print, as he had an autopsy his body was no good to be used for medical science and as he left no money my girls were left to foot the bill, maybe it was just him but beware you maybe unbeknownst leaving your offspring with the cost of your funeral.

I have been forcing myself to read this topic without much success. I can feel my heart absolutely pounding with anxiety. I have had a death phobia all of my life. I would love any ideas how to overcome this.

FarNorth I always wanted to go to space. And I like the idea of ending up wherever the wind takes me. There’s nowhere special to me that I would want to be scattered.

Cremation followed by internment of ashes in plot at back of the church.

I am really not sure about the no funeral idea. I am not religious and the funeral of my best friend was a true low point of my life, but it wasnt until half way through the service I really began to understand that she was gone. By the time we all filed out past the coffin I was distraught, but at least I was with her son, husband, relatives and close friends for a few hours afterwards for mutual support. If there had been no funeral I think I would have found it even harder to accept.

Without being morbid, I am going to be cremated. I wish to have my ashes brought back to the UK ( where I belong) and scattered in the memorial garden outside our Church where my parents ashes are.I wouldnt want my children to be travelling to a grave, they can remember me anyway.

I have one daughter and have always told her that I don't want a fancy funeral but something simple and then she can scatter my ashes wherever she likes. Nowadays they offer to do the cremation without any funeral and return the ashes for you to do with as you wish. That's my kind of funeral but I understand those who are christians and respect their beliefs. I've ordered my cardboard box lol

MOnica Ha Ha. You’re so right. What will we know, or care at that stage.

Merylstreep, you might want to have a plan B? My dad had done all that was required by the Human Tissue Authority but when the time came, they rejected his body as he’d undergone a siegmoidectomy and had a bag which contaminated his body.

Elvis58that's a lovely idea about the sandcastle

I have 2 daughters. They both know I don't want the fuss and expense of a funeral. I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered at my favourite beach. No crying ,no singing no praying and definitely no preaching. Having been brought up in the church, I've been to too many funerals where the minister felt he had to spend ages preaching to the converted. Not for me.

Lets face it, plans for our funerals are for us while we live. Once we are dead we have absolutely no control over what happens. We may want the quietist of funerals, but our children/executors could decide to give us a full South London funeral, with wreaths saying 'Mum' (or Dad), just because they know it would annoy us. We will be dead, so there will be nothing we can do about it, and won't know anything about it anyway.

Cremation I assume - not worked out all decisions as yet - but I have just discovered the church local to me is now an Overhang climbing centre!! Interesting development!

Cremation for me.

My lovely mum and dad (whose marriage ended in 1991) both died within the last 4 years, and both were cremated.

Mum's ashes were laid in a beautiful spot overlooking a lake. Dad's ashes were laid in the family grave where his parents are buried.

I would like my ashes to be split - one half with Dad and his parents, and the other half with mum.

I loved both of them desperately and the thought of mum being on her own would break my heart.

I think there will come a time when we will all have to be cremated.Burial plots are running out fast as we have such a huge population now, and many religions insist on burial. I’d rather be cremated than buried and then dug up again to make room for somebody else.

Bluebell. Your last lines tickled me too. I don't think it was intentional, but suspect you have made a few readers smile.

Under a tree in the green cemetery near here.

My other half and l are both being took off no fuss, no service and cremated ashes returned to each other or our son has instructions my husband wants to made into a sand castle on our fave beach and tide to wash him out and l will be sprinkled on the same beach which we live near and walk most days.

I read your account with trepidation Brew. Thought it was going to turn into something sinister ?

I have just paid Pure Cremation for my cremation. it is so much cheaper than any other way, they collect the body put it in a coffin, they cremate it and then return your ashes to next of kin, or they will sprinkle your ashes in their garden of remembrance . No cars needed, no service and no mourners. Then when your family get the ashes they can decide what to do with them or if you have a preference tell your family what it is. It is the way that suits me best, also no need for mourners to travel etc, I told mine just have a party after

When I was around 9 or 10 I went to my grandmothers grave with my parents and my dad asked me to go and get some water for the flowers. All the outdoor taps were frozen and there was a sign in the toilet block to say don’t use the water for flowers. I wondered around the building and there was a door open so I asked a man for some water. He told me to come in - it was the crematorium and he proceeded to show me around and tell me all about the cremation process! He said I can’t show you in that one as there is someone in there ?.
It was facinating and he was so passionate and caring about his job and it’s stuck with me ever since. I think my preference would be to be cremated as I wouldn’t want my sons to feel they had to maintain a grave.

When Dad died, we had a cremation for him and buried his ashes in an urn in the garden, as that's what Mum wanted, so that she still felt near to him. When Mum died, at the undertakers suggestion, Dad's ashes were put in Mum's coffin with her for her cremation, so that they truly were together, and their mingled ashes are now buried in the local churchyard. So for those of you who want to be buried/cremated with a loved pet's ashes, this might be a possibility.
On a slightly joking note, my son works at a crematorium, so we want to know if we're eligible for mate's rates!

Apparently Bob Hope's daughter asked him once "Dad, when you die do you want to be buried or cremated?" He replied "Surprise me!"

Shelflife

Cremation for me , my wish is in my will. My DH wants to be buried. I just can't bear the thought of being buried!!!! Will ask my children to scatter me in beautiful woodland. Not for a long time yet - I hope !!!

As well as putting it in your will, it is a good idea to ask your doctor to add a pop-up note on your medical record about your funeral choice and maybe also about that you have a will and where it is. Wills can take a while to get looked at and sorted out and funerals need to get done fairly promptly usually.

I told my husband for years that I wanted to be stuffed and plonked at the end of his bed. Last year, he asked if we could have a chat, he went on to ask me if I REALLY wanted to be stuffed and placed at the end of the bed as he didn't think he would be able to sleep........I was happy to reassure him that as I'd be dead, he could do absolutely anything he liked with me!