Down Sizing

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I think, although not being a widow my advice may be meaningless, that you should do what feels best for you.

I cannot visiualize wanting to stay here without DH if I am the one left.

You will still have your memories and sadly also a feeling of loss, but it may be easier to cope with in new surroundings.

After all, you have been flung into a new chapter of your life and a new start somewhere else sounds to be what you feel like doing, so go for it.

I moved, not only to a new house but also a new country within eight months of my husband's death. It was okay, kept me too busy to brood. The death had been bad, months in a coma beforehand, and I had recurrent flashbacks, which were deeply upsetting; having something else to think about was quite therapeutic.

My Mum wanted to sell her 6 bedroom house in the first year after her husband died and I persuaded her to hold on to it. As she was so lonely, I moved in with her with my kids until she got back on her feel. What a huge mistake. Leaving again was hard and the damage done to the relationship with my daughter was difficult to come back from. Now, nearly 30 years later she can't cope in it, won't put it on the market and is driving me to despair. I wish I'd let her sell it when she wanted to.

I am sorry for your loss. I'm not a widow but I am divorced and have had to downsize for financial reasons. Downsizing makes sense if it makes your life easier or better or happier.
Just be aware meeting new people can be a little trickier at the moment because of corona.
You alone know how you are feeling and what will make you happy.
Move somewhere if the moment you walk in, you feel lighter and happier and can see yourself being there, and you've asked and got satisfactory answers to all the important questions about the property. If so, follow your heart - but use your head too.

Memories can be painful but very precious too - I would hate to move and leave them behind. The house was my husband's before we met and is full of him which I find very comforting. And the family love coming here and talking about him - so many memories are triggered by the house and garden. Everyone has a different way of dealing with loss but I think I would be infinitely sadder away from him.

I am divorced and moved from a three bed house to a one bed flat 5 years ago. During lockdowns people kept telling me I must get claustrophobic but I actually prefer a smaller place, it seems to "fit" better.

I downsized five years after I lost my husband,I was only in my forties then.

I would advise waiting a bit longer,don’t do anything in the first year.I used to belong to a singles club and there were a few restless widows there.They moved homes frequently and couldn’t settle in any of them.

My first year of being a widow was horrendous,moving house then would have been the worst thing I could have done.

You really need to grieve properly,then think very carefully about moving.I bought a new house,a blank canvas.Much smaller than the family home,I love it.

Msida sorry for your loss my heart goes out to you. I hope you have a good think about what’s best for you and make the right decision. Maybe you decide to stay in the same area where you are familiar or move away for a fresh start. Whatever you decide I wish the best for you.?

Sorry that you are feeling so lost right now.

Are you intending to stay in the same area to maintain your friendships and familiar shops etc?

The traditional wisdom used to be to not make any major decisions in the first year but nothing is set in stone.

Some people are comforted by familiarity. Others need a complete change of scene especially if the deceased was nursed in the home and you keep getting flashbacks.

Sorry you lost your other half so recently.
My late mother moved house as she kept 'seeing' my late father. After a great upheaval for herself and all the family, she settled in. Unfortunately it didnt help her feelings of loss. She sadly died a few years after moving.
The whole saga was a mistake as she missed her old surroundings. If your current house is at all suitable for just you, I'd advice staying put.

I hope it’s been helpful. There’s loads of other positive stuff I could say but I didn’t want to sound too cheerful because I know that you are not in a happy place and I do remember those feelings of loss and despair and loneliness.

My new little house folded itself around me and I felt happier from the beginning. It was so right for me and the life I had now. I knew I didn’t want my old life with holes in it, if you see what I mean

Just the fact that you’re thinking about possibilities is very, very positive.
I really wish you well?

I moved to a smaller place when I was on my own. A new place without painful memories waiting in every room.
It was definitely right for me.

I hope things turn out well for you too Msida.

I agree with Peasblossom, it's best to move away from all those memories and try a new start.
Sending you and good wishes.

Thanks Judy

Oh my word Peasblossom I couldn't agree more, so nice to read this

My condolences Msida on the loss of your Husband. It is understandable that you are feeling lonely but perhaps you may still feel like that wherever you live. If you have good neighbours then it may be better to stay put as you never know what new neighbours might be like. Just weigh up the pros and cons and decide what is best for you. Good luck.

That’s what I did. I hated rolling around in that once busy family home with it’s empty rooms.

I bought a smallish terraced house, but really well designed so that it didn’t feel cramped and could accommodate a couple of visitors or family to eat.

It was a new beginning. People say don’t make any big decisions in the first year and I heeded them and waited. They were so wrong.

If I’d moved straight away I would have spared myself a lot of unhappiness in a house that only reminded me of what I no longer had.