Code of cooking when having guests.

Oh to be simply a vegan or vegetarian! Due to an operation that left my mouth and face soooooo sensitive I can barely eat anything (baby food, school dinners?)
However I have adopted the Buddhist philosophy (not the belief system per se) in that what ever is placed in my bowl I am grateful for and say thank you and just eat what I can manage
Most friends are aware that I prefer plain cooking so are very thoughtful and while I am not allergic (except to chilli) I can always find enough to nibble at while we all chatter. After all that is why we are all there together!
As some have said, do a buffet (my (older) kids call it 'pick n 'n mix).
Our family now has several vegans, some vegetarians, two dairy intolerant, one gluten free, 3 diabetic Type 2 and some picky kids who will only eat pizza!
One niece loves coming to eat at our house as I make labels for all the food with their names on, it makes her feel special and not awkward about her allergies
Quite the smorgasbord when we all get together!
Embrace the differences and enjoy the company!

Speaking as a vegan, just go and grab something at M and S if you don’t want to cook for veggies. I’m always happy to take my own food if friends don’t want to bother. It’s never been an issue. X

Being vegetarian is hardly unusual now, so I don't really see your problem! My DH is flexible in his diet, and is happy to eat vegetarian meals when I prepare them but if he wants meat, he sorts it out himself.

Widgeon3 that must have been the Christmas dinner from hell, I sympathise.

Susiewoozie I'm well aware of the pros and cons of a vegetarian diet I just like to eat meat sometimes. I don't need others banging on about how much better their vegan/vegetarian diet is. Obviously not everyone does this.

I have very good friends who avoid gluten,dairy, sugar, things like mushrooms, high vitamin C fruits and veg like tomatoes and strawberries.... thank goodness they aren’t vegetarian! I find it an interesting challenge when cooking for them....goodness knows when that will be next...

Often the things we complain about are not really the real thing that annoys us about a situation or person.
If this veggie person was one of your dearest friends you would probably laugh and make anything she wanted.

I’m vegan & if I am going to a meat eaters house for dinner I say that I’ll bring my own, sometimes a host will wish to impress with something they make for me but I wouldn’t want to put anyone out or feel uncomfortable when inviting me.
In your case I quite like the buffet idea.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

*One d-i-law reached into her capacious bag and brought out a large bottle of chili sauce with which she liberally doused everything
At the end of my tether I muttered, 'We do not do that sort of thing in this country' She got up and spent the next day in her room.
My son said' Mother, she finds your food too bland*

I find your attitude far more rude than hers we don’t do that in this country what an arrogant and horrible thing to say to a guest

Cooking for friends and family should be a joy, when it ceases to be so maybe it’s time to stop?

I love cooking for others, and have really missed it during lockdown!

Just give the Veggies the vegetables and a Veggie burger, that's what I do, no complaints so far!

My daughter is vegetarian, my husband is pescatarian and my son and I are omnivorous*. It really isn't a problem when we all eat together. I usually do a veggie meal for everyone, as then nobody is being denied a course or component. There are countless vegetarian cookbooks on the market, and recipes available online if you are stuck for inspiration.

When we all lived together I would sometimes do a hybrid meal, eg a bean or vegetable casserole which I would split into two bowls and add chorizo or chicken to one of them.

Alternatively, you could do a tapas-style meal, so that there is something for everyone and nobody is left out.

*I think this is the bit to hang onto. Omnivores can eat non-meat based meals, whereas vegetarians and vegans can't eat meat. It's not about being difficult - it's just that there is really no room for compromise.

Cook as usual and the vegetarians can just eat the veggies.

Serve a veggie ready-meal if you don't want to cook it yourself, or cook a cauliflower cheese for the meat eaters as well as the vegetarian guest. I fine the quickest veggie meal to prepare is a spinach (frozen) and chickpea (tinned) curry with rice.

I was at a funeral where one of the guests was a vegan. The caterers had put together some lovely looking nibbles for her, much more appetising that the standard bits of cheese and sausage on sticks.

If you want a difficult guest try my autistic grandson. Trying to make his limited diet look like the Christmas dinner the rest of us are having is real Krypton Factor stuff.

We have a friend who is vegetarian by choice - as in she has no food allergies - when she would come to ours for a meal we would make sure there was always something available that she would enjoy eating, lots of salads, vegetarian quiche that sort of thing. When we went to her house she only cooked vegetarian dishes, no meat was provided for the meat eaters - and yes I realise that no one needs to eat meat to enjoy a meal - the point is we made sure her tastes were catered to she never did the same for us.
Some of you have said just make vegetable options of the same meal, well thats ok unless your guest is vegan then you have to watch the sauces, the dairy content etc.
I think if you make the choice to have specific dietary needs then you should not expect people to have to cater to them, its fine if they choose to but dont expect it as a matter of course

Jillybird I do not understand the idea of someone having t find a vegetarian recipe. Apart from the absolutely obvious like bake potatoes with cheese, ratattouille from a tin if there are any vegans, cauliflower cheese, quiche etc, most people who have a balanced and varied diet are bound to have some vegetarian dishes in their repertoire.

These days dining with friends is not three courses plus cheese served at a table with the best china and glass. It is a casual meal in the garden or around the kitchen table, anything goes.

Kartush

We have a friend who is vegetarian by choice - as in she has no food allergies - when she would come to ours for a meal we would make sure there was always something available that she would enjoy eating, lots of salads, vegetarian quiche that sort of thing. When we went to her house she only cooked vegetarian dishes, no meat was provided for the meat eaters - and yes I realise that no one needs to eat meat to enjoy a meal - the point is we made sure her tastes were catered to she never did the same for us.
Some of you have said just make vegetable options of the same meal, well thats ok unless your guest is vegan then you have to watch the sauces, the dairy content etc.
I think if you make the choice to have specific dietary needs then you should not expect people to have to cater to them, its fine if they choose to but dont expect it as a matter of course

But I accept that buying or handling meat can fir many vegetarians be totally unacceptable. I really find it very odd that you would expect a vegetarian friend to buy and cook meat for you . As for choices in dietary needs, I would expect my friends to cater for those as I would for them. The clue is in the word ‘friend’.

Agree with Bluebell. How terribly rude to say such a thing! Plain food to someone who always eats spicy dishes tastes as yuck as my grandchildre's salt free mush. I know several people who carry chilli sauce bottles with them everywhere in order to render traditional British cuisine palatable. I usually add black pepper to other people's cooking. What would you say to me I wonder? Is it so hard to stick a potato in the oven or microwave and add some cheese, vegan or otherwise plus a salad? Would you be happy to prepare dolphin sushi for someone who loved it? I hope not

TwinLolly I understand exactly what you say. My ex-husband was a diabetic and when we were going to friends' houses for a meal he would often be asked what he could and couldn't eat. He always said 'please don't do anything special for me, I will eat what I can and leave what I can't'. This should be the same attitude for people who CHOOSE to be vegetarian/vegan. They should be mindful that what they eat or don't eat is a matter of personal choice.
As you say, they don't usually put themselves out for those who are meat-eaters.

A lot of Asian people like to spice up British food. I've seen photos of a friend's Christmas dinner (turkey etc) with large bottles of spicy sauce next to the salt. It feels odd to me, but it's no different from adding gravy, really.

What I don't understand is the attitude of some on this thread when it comes to catering for others. Isn't the whole point that you want them to enjoy themselves and share a meal with you? Offering them the vegetables (boiled, presumably, or there would be meat juices involved) with no meat or gravy (unless it is instant) is about as far from being hospitable as it gets. It really sends a message that they are not worth any effort. Rustling up a 'meal' out of tins is only marginally better.

Expecting someone who doesn't eat meat to prepare it for you is also completely unreasonable, particularly if you aren't prepared to go the extra couple of inches to make something suitable for a vegetarian to eat. It's not an evenly balanced thing at all. A meat eater doesn't have to have meat at every meal. A vegetarian never eats meat, and most would be repulsed at the thought of handling and cooking it.

Are people so set in their ways that the thought of cooking or eating something different from usual is such a big deal? I'm genuinely astonished that this is seen as a problem at all.

Why is there no room these days for differences, if you don’t want to cook a vegi meal now and then why invite a vegetarian friend round for a meal and then complain
Vegetarian food is easier to cook than meat dishes try it sometime

Why on earth would someone expect a vegetarian to cook meat it’s like expecting a nun to have sex

BlueBelle

Why is there no room these days for differences, if you don’t want to cook a vegi meal now and then why invite a vegetarian friend round for a meal and then complain
Vegetarian food is easier to cook than meat dishes try it sometime

Why on earth would someone expect a vegetarian to cook meat it’s like expecting a nun to have sex

This made me laugh out loud literally . Thank you ???

Expecting someone who doesn't eat meat to prepare it for you is also completely unreasonable

I'd be quite happy if my friend offered me just vegetarian food and do eat some of what she prepares but she cooks meat for her husband and son so offers both meat, fish and vegetarian dishes, so there is a choice.