Do you ever wish you'd had more/fewer children?

I have one of each and that was fine for me. My SIL had one and wishes she had more. I have a sister and often wished I didn’t have as we didn’t and still don’t get on, I always wanted a brother!

Like you, sunshinemum I brought up my children in a different country from where my parents lived. I did have my parents in law but we didn't like to bother them with the children too much. MiL was nearly 80 and FiL needed constant looking after, and their flat wasn't very big or child-proofed.

Now I am a Nanna I realise how sad that was for the grandparents not to see so much of the little ones.

We have 3 sons. I always wanted an even number, but I had a miscarriage between the 2nd and 3rd and there is a gap of 5 years to the 3rd one. By which time I was 34 and wanting to get back to work so we didn't have a 4th in the end.

I have no idea how I managed with 3, but you grow to fit the situation and as long as there is some semblance of routine, things seem to work themselves out somehow.

Just one word while you're still at the beginning of your adventure: don't hang on to stuff - get rid of it as soon as the children have grown out of it, or you will spend your entire retirement saying "I really must sort out that loft" and only throwing away 95% of it in the end.

As an only child myself, I vowed I would definitely have more than one child if that proved possible. It did and I am delighted with my two sons who are well into adulthood now and still a joy to my heart.

I’m an only one and hate it. Always felt odd as if something is missing. It’s even worse when parents become elderly, the sense of responsibility is awful, you have nobody to share the care and worry. I have two children, which was just right for us, if we could have afforded more I would have like three.

We have three, two boys and a girl. DH is from a family of six, and we both would have had more.

However, I was told I would probably never have children, so they were wee miracles. However, after DD's traumatic birth, I was told to have no more. Coping with ill health and three children under five was not easy!
The only regret I have is being a stay at home mum for so long and putting my career on hold.

I was the fourth of five with an 18 year gap between the eldest and youngest. I was sandwiched between the two boys, one 6 years older than me and the other 7 years younger. The two eldest, girls, were always like grown ups to me so I have always felt that I didn't count as much as they did in the family dynamic.

I always wanted children of my own but wanted them close in age and not too many - my ideal would have been 2 boys and 1 girl. We ended up with one of each, 23 months apart. Couldn't have loved them more - still do. My children are the best thing that I ever produced and they have each had two children - our beloved grandchildren. They are all close too although living 100 miles apart. We plan a big family gathering of the clan as soon as we are allowed to do and it will be a great joy to do so.

I think the OP should follow her her instincts, her heart and her DH's view too. There is no blueprint - we are all different and can only advise based on our own experience, which is bound to be different to hers. Good luck and enjoy the fleeting days of childhood, however many you end up with! They pass far too quickly!

I have one of each, born only 21 months apart. It was hard having 2 in nappies, as my DH had recently started his own business and needed to work 12 hour days, 7 days a week, so if I had my time again I would definitely wait several years before I had a second child, as I think the eldest lost out on quality time with us.

As your DD is only a year old I think you should just go with the flow, enjoy her early years; have that quality with just her and see how you feel as time passes. I think an ideal gap would be 4 to 5 years.

I would have liked 6 but we had 4 and fostered 2 ( short term fostering). It costs a lot that’s the problem and also it is hard when you have an ordinary car. I wasn’t keen on driving a van. We have 12 grandchildren and 3 greats but we only see 8 of the grandchildren because the others are from our childrens’spouses previous marriages. I was an only child but my mum was one of 10 and she didn’t want that so she only had me . What you don’t have you don’t miss, though and it is only as I saw my own children and grandchildren growing up that I realised how lovely it would have been to have siblings.
I do think onlies make a bit of extra effort to meet friends and push themselves out there which is probably a good thing. It’s that or a lonely life.

Juliet27 That must be so hard for you. Our two eldest both live in the US, but the two youngest live here in Malta. My only grandchild lives in the US which is very hard especially now when we can’t travel.☹️

I always wanted an even number since I had two older sisters who I adored, but I often felt a bit out of it.

DH had three children from his first marriage so we thought we would have two. Our girls arrived two years apart then after a five year gap, DD3 arrived followed two years later by our only son. They were not planned but certainly not unwanted and I feel blessed to have them.

My granddaughter is an only child, no relatives living anywhere near, and I do feel sad for her, but she’s happy enough and doesn’t seem to crave siblings.

As to the OP, times have changed so much I don’t think you can compare now to the days when most of us on here had our families. You must do what you feel is right for you. There’s no ‘one size fits all’ and children just need to be loved whether they are part of a big family or the only child.

I had 2 boys , first when I was 39 and the second almost 42 .

Despite vomiting every single day for 8 months, between 5 and 16 times , several hospitalisations , followed by an emergency c-section I did it again .

I didn’t want my son to be an only child and it was worth every miserable second of both pregnancies to have them both .

I didn’t work until the youngest started at nursery and then only PT . FT when he started at school . No help from any family , but I wouldn’t have wanted it any way.

Good luck with your decision .

I am an "only" child and loved it.
Only children are just like every other child - a mix of good, bad, hopes and fears. Some have fantastic memories of a happy childhood and some don't. I was a reader and loved make-believe, my parents encouraged me and I had plenty of friends in and out of school. I had great early-life experiences that would have been equally lovely but very different if I wasn't an only child. How lovely your childhood is mainly to do with how you are parented. I expect if you have struggling and troubled parents you may cling to a sibling and find comfort there.

I understand from others (wider family members and parent's friends) that I was a generous child, and warm and happy - but the credit there is entirely due to my parents who were empathetic, kind and generous themselves. You model behaviour according to early experiences and expectations so there's no reason why this should be different for a singleton.

As a child your understanding of life comes from your family and you assume (for many years) that your life is normal whatever your circumstances. If you can provide a stable loving family life for your little one they will be perfectly fine. I have no problem with being an "only" as there are plenty of positives.

I feel very blessed to have had such a happy childhood and think this is key. I was always secure in the love of my parents and know now how precious I was to them. I only once ever have wished briefly for a sibling and that was when they died within a few weeks of each other. I longed at that point (briefly) for someone close to share the grief of parental loss. But even then, a friend of mine pointed out how difficult it was for her when her mother died because she and her siblings squabbled and argued over just about everything so that it was remembered as a very negative and divisive time.

So in conclusion , sunshinemum if you have one child or ten, it will feel normal. Others may believe what they do is right but of course it's right for them. I did go on to have a large family by British standards and people who never knew me as a child say this is a reaction to my childhood. This is rubbish. I love all my children and obviously wouldn't want them not to exist but actually we were really happy with our first born and could easily have stopped there if we hadn't found child-rearing so unexpectedly rewarding! Having the second child was rather scary and intense - and it seemed selfish to inflict a sibling on our first.

Do what feels right for you. Do not be bullied by the "must have two" brigade. I have another friend who had her second child after intense social pressure and who struggled with her relationship with him for years.

All this is still anecdotal. Do what you feel is right for you and your little family. Don't be pressured or persuaded by others. It is your life. Make your own choices and then parent the best way you can.

Good luck.

I have 4, boy, girl, boy , girl, 7 GC. .I wouldn’t have wanted an only and its great fun when we all get together! I’m so glad Ive got a brother and sister as Id feel alone with no family. It definitely gets easier when they get older, and they do entertain each other, though the youngest 2 fought like cat and dog for years they are all very close now.

We had 5, 3 girls first, then 2 boys. When the last one was born I had 5 under the age of 8. Sometimes when they were young and driving me up the wall, I`d wish I had fewer, but wouldn`t be without any of them now.

I have 2. I want a 3rd but secondary fertility issues crept in and I have accepted it

We always looked at adoption and still I our plans

We have four, with a miscarriage between one and two. Obviously wouldn't be without them, and don't think it is fair on one child bearing all the parents expectations, but four was extremely hard work.

I always thought that the only time to have a child was when you felt that you couldn't not have one, if you get my meaning!

We have a daughter and a son.
We tried for a third child, but it wasn't to be.

I had 2. Id have loved more but we couldn’t afford it. I had a brother who died when we were children so I’ve had both sides. I’d love to have a brother or sister now. Had mine close together which was tough - and my OH worked away like yours so I was all but a single mum. I have no regrets though. They grew up together and are now firm friends. Good luck. X

We have 5. Life was chaotic for many years and I loved every minute of it!

Three boys and that was enough! Love them all though.

I have two, a boy and a girl and both of them emigrated to Australia. If I’d had more maybe at least one would have stayed in this country.

We have two. I was like the OP, not sure I could cope with a second one. I am a terrible worrier and worried like mad over my firstborn even though he was perfectly healthy and happy and lovely. The second was much easier in every way because I worried less and I am so glad I had her.

We have three wonderful children, we didn’t plan it just seemed to happen!

Our age gaps were; 0 , 7 & 11, at the time it was interesting to say the least with such age gaps!

When our youngest was 6 I was diagnosed with cancer, it was a grim period, I was sure I had made a big mistake having 3 children so far apart.

20 years on and at 37, 33 and 26 they are so close and such a huge support to each other.

Nothing gives me more joy than to see them together sharing the love and camaraderie that neither my husband or myself shared with our siblings.

stuck with one.

Stuck with our third as the last one I should say!

We had three. Girl, boy, girl.

Pondered having a fourth but our third had been such a pleasant lovely baby we thought we might not be so lucky the fourth time so stuck with one.

My parents were only children and quite happy about it.

But I have a couple of friends who wish they had siblings. Especially now that their parents are ageing and causing issues!