I’ve been a toxic daughter in law!

If you were my DIL I would be so pleased to receive an apology and if you felt you couldn’t do
It face to face or your MIL would feel uncomfortable write her a letter. I had a bad relationship with my dad and we couldn’t talk about feelings but after my mum died I wanted him to. Know that I loved him and I apologised for some of the things I had done in the past. We were very close after that although I never heard I love you from his lips. It’s never ever too late to say sorry.

I actually wonder if you have been that bad? These are strange times.

I think you should read these replies and take what seems to suit best - but some of the most heartfelt will come from those who have felt wronged in some way by their DiLs.

I would advise actions - they will be seen as positive. Wait until you see the response, and things have settled down, and then you may wish to say something.

I also agree with Nell; do both. Some flowers with a card would be a great starting point. There's no need to go into specifics, your m.i.l. will know what you're apologising for.

I'm sure she'll really appreciate it, like Esspee and Nell; if only.

I hope it goes well and here are some for you.

Send her some flowers and a lockdown card to brighten her day, today. The apology should be face to face, so would have be later, maybe at a nice tearoom with just the two of you.

Be kind and let them know you appreciate them we all make mistakes non of us is perfect.

Esspee I hear you, that one admission that no one is perfect would have made so much difference and opened the door to what I always hoped would be a happy relationship.

I think actions speak louder than words.

Behave in a better way, or correct whatever you feel you have done or not done. If you cannot keep the good behaviour up then nobody knows about it but if you write a letter you will be expected to change as soon as it is read with any slip ups becoming a bigger issue than it needs to be.

When there has been a period of you being better then would be the time to apologise for the past as it shows it is meant as you would have changed.

Please tell me you are my daughter in law. An apology from her would mean so much to me. I just want to love her as my daughter.

I agree with NellG get back on track with your mother in law, I'm sure she will appreciate your honesty.
Whatever happens then don't dwell on the past, move on with your new intentions. Good luck.

Good for you. You could see what your husband thinks, but if you don’t feel you can just say sorry about your behaviour, then a card/flowers would be lovely, as well as you showing that you appreciate her/ them. Am sure they will be very happy and hope things get better.

Do both, never underestimate the power of a heartfelt apology. Do it for both of you, it shows you are acting with self respect and that you see her as a person with needs and wants too. Offer her the chance to discuss it but also say you'll understand if she doesn't want to. Then move forward being the person you want to be. Good luck, I hope it works out well for you. x