Miss, Ms or Mrs

I am divorced twice! It's cost me a lot of money to get divorced. I've also changed my name. I'm now Miss Pacey. So if anyone calls me Mrs l correct them.

I adopted the Quaker way many years ago. No titles, just forename and surname. Works for me, except when online forms for, say, a bank account demand a title and they won't take 'none' for an answer.

The bank claims that they need it to distinguish male from female. But of course, if you have a PhD or you are a physician then you are Dr regardless of chromosomal status. Or, indeed, of marital status.

Oh, for goodness’ sake! Why can’t we just call people what they want to be called instead of getting all shirty about the ‘correct’ title? As for the ‘she should be grateful to get a card...’ stuff, Christmas spirit, ladies and gentlemen! A little of that around here would be nice at this time of year.

I'm was divorced by my husband ten years ago but, being a devout Catholic, am still married in the eyes of God.
No human institution can dissolve the sacrament of marriage. I am deeply insulted by anyone addressing me as Ms. My cousin did this on her recent Christmas card. I was hurt.
I don't think it's for others to decide what anyone should be called. I'm sure if someone wishes to change their name or title after a divorce or bereavement they're capable of making that known. It's just rude, presumptive and controlling to change it for them without consultation.

Oh and I’m happy with his name, now my name for ever.

I still use Mrs although widowed.

I would rather just be firstname, family name. Other than that i am not bothered what I am called Mr/Mrs/ Duke/Madam/Major General.........

I have to clarify I only use Mr and Mrs for married couples . For partners, I put both names on the envelope.

I am Ms. although married because I did not change my surname on marriage and to call myself Mrs [my surname] would seem to suggest I am married to myself! And a greengrocer told me years ago I didn't "look like a Miss." But what really gets me is cards addressed to Mr and Mrs [husband's surname]. I got one today and knew immediately that it was from DD3's mother-in-law, who WILL not accept I do not share my husband's name. She has been married twice and changed her name twice, the second time to one much less distinguished than the first.

Grannybags

I'd only use Miss for someone whose never been married

I don't really like Ms but use it for divorced relatives unless I'm told not to.

I use Mrs for widows as the ones in my family still feel they are married even though their husbands are no longer with them

I’m with Grannybags on addressing females of various marital statuses. I do exactly the same thing. Lucyloo12, your friend was quite rude. Maybe she is a little brittle and hurt at the moment, but you weren’t to know that she would react the way she did, or how she would feel about being called Ms. Perhaps it’s safer to leave the title off in future.

Technically, she's wrong. Ms is the acceptable and accepted form of address for a woman who is no longer married, whether that's because she's divorced or widowed. It no longer has the strident feminist connotations it once had. Just dismiss her curt telling off and remember not to address her as anything in the future.

Miss traditionally is afforded to an unmarried lady. Your ‘friend’ was married and - if she is separated technically still is until divorced - she needs to get over herself

I just put the person's initial and surname. But if it's a couple, for some reason I put Mr and Mrs. My best friend once told me off because I didn't put her husband's initial after this as in 'Mr and Mrs J Smith'. She said you should always put the husband's first name initial. Some people have clearly little to think about. Needless to say I ignored her request.

I find the curtailing 'Xmas' word far more upsetting /annoying. but even then wouldn't be so moved as to compose a curt reply/comment.

It's fine, Dooncaha
X is an abbreviation of Christ.
In the Greek alphabet, X is the symbol for the letter 'chi. ' Chi (or X) is the first letter in the Greek word for Christ. In the early days of the Christian church, Christians used the letter X as a secret symbol to indicate their membership in the church to others

I don’t understand this. If you are sending a card to a friend surely you just address it to Jane Smith? Fair enough in business etc to use mr, Mrs, lady, professor etc.

Lexisgranny. I always address cards to my widowed friend as Mrs. her Christian name. ,,Surname. As I think I read somewhere that was the correct thing to do. But I agree , it does rather remind that she is now a widow .

I'm all for Hard Feminist! Nowt wrong with that.

Aren't there more important things to be offended/upset about these days? If worried about how to address someone after a change in their circumstances, just ask them.

Unfortunately, sometimes a Miss can be as good as a mile.

I find the curtailing 'Xmas' word far more upsetting /annoying. but even then wouldn't be so moved as to compose a curt reply/comment.

A Happy New Year to All

No true friend would be that rude,Ms is correct,I looked it up on Goggle ( should read that for a laugh) Probably don’t send her a card next year or send an e-card,don’t need to put anything on that !

Hmm this will be a particular relative of mine's 3rd xmas widowed. I have been using her husband's initial just like I always did when they were Mr and Mrs but with just the Mrs. Is there a right time to change to her initial?

I would just cross her off my list.

*Christmas not Christmas’s

Maybe she didn’t mean the text to sound as curt as it did? Texts can cause problems that way. It does sound rude, but she has probably just been through pain and turmoil getting separated, and it’s harder at Christmas’s, so I’d overlook it.

I tend to use ‘first name surname’ these days. I never liked the ‘Mrs David Smith’ form of address. I’m glad that’s gone.

I object to being called Ms on correspondence. I have been married for sixty four years and have always, up to this point in time, been referred to as Mrs. Its as if marriage is not important, If I have to return anything with Ms on it I cross it out and put Mrs in large letters underlined.