Christmas and presents

One of the best Christmas presents I ever got was a gift voucher for my favourite wool shop. I got lots of pleasure choosing a pattern and at the end got a nice cardigan in much more expensive yarn than I could afford without the voucher.

I'm a real misery guts about presents.
It used to drive my mum and daughter mad, so I would ask them to buy something if I saw it at any time through the year.

I'd always forget, but it was lovely to see something and be told "Right, you're having that!"

I have been giving gift cards for a few years. Much as I loved choosing, wrapping and distributing individual presents my health and increasing impairments make it impossible.

All the youngsters get a gift card and we give the rest of the money we would have spent on ‘token’ presents for grownups, cards, wrapping, etc.to charity.

We don’t expect presents back,

I think craftyone has the right idea. I buy myself a few gifts, usually from Amazon and I can even get them gift wrapped! If grown-ups want money then fine - I ask mine to show me what they bought with the cash as it’s a nice surprise for me too!

Last year I was aware that my children were worrying about providing their children with the presents they really wanted and I was more than aware that with 6 family birthdays between the end of November and the end of January and presents to buy for 4 children and 4 grandchildren and a few for friends, this was going to be a bit stressful now and more so in the years to come when our income will probably be less.
We cannot possibly compete with the sort of gifts our grandchildren are used to getting either.
I suggested that our three immediate families agreed to buy a large family size tin of chocolates/sweets for the other two families and leave things at that. They were all happy with the arrangement and all said how much pressure it lifted.
With birthdays we agreed a limit of around £25.00 each apart from special birthdays when we could spend anything we liked. the joy of being together (sadly probably not this year) far outweighs the worry of presents and there are always plenty of chocolates as well as all the usual Christmas
Food around.

Can I just add that whist I will buy vouchers - can you make sure they are not the multinationals but your local stores?

Last year we said kids’ presents only from family to family, not within each family as that’s a different matter. This year parents will get a money transfer from me and buy their children’s presents as I think it is highly unlikely we will get to see them and anyway I get sent links to things they like so just eliminating one stage in the process. Last year we spent a small fortune sending gifts to the other side of the world too and this year we (her siblings and I) have agreed that my daughter could better have the extra £60 £70 rather than It going on postage so will be sending money alone. The grandchildren won’t mind a jot though I know the ones here will greatly miss coming to us.

Liverbird I do sympathise with you. I did a stocking from Father Christmas and everything else was labelled with who sent it. I can’t wait for the youngest DG living with me to twig that Santa is us. I am on the verge of telling him so often and have to stop myself. My eldest got told at school when she was 5 and happily passed the information to her younger siblings so I feel a 7 year old should know that Santa and the tooth fairy and also the Easter bunny are fictitious and I don’t have to give ridiculous answers to questions about how FC gets into the house. Knowing the truth never reduced the fun of a stocking on the bedpost, a pound coin under the pillow or a basket of Easter presents mysteriously at the front door. The children just did their best to catch me doing the delivery?

We have a Wish List on a certain internet site and pick from that what to give as a gift. At least it will be something the person actually wants. Lists for the GC too which are very useful as they don't live nearby. Personally I am at the stage of not being able to think of a blasted thing to put on my list. It's either something so small and insignificant I can buy myself or very expensive I wouldn't expect anyone else to buy for me.

Liverbird, I understand what you mean, but I think you have to go by what the parents want. You say they won’t compromise, but do you mean they won’t do what you want? Could a compromise be that you give the 8 year old his gift when the smaller ones aren’t there, and give all three a token present when they are all together?

I love to get presents, nothing expensive, to open on Xmas Day cos it feels like Xmas, but there's not a lot of money spent on both sides. I've only a sister now out of our whole family, everyone's gone, and we have always set a £20 limit, but it's more like stocking fillers now cos you can't get much for £20 now lol. I buy a few close friends, but when 'my bestie' and I go shopping she takes in what I say is lovely and sneaks back alone and surprises me with them, but one friend always regifts and I received back things I've bought her. You need a good memory if you like to do that lol

I suppose it's less chance of getting elbow-deep into covid-spattered wrapping paper...

Dragonfly this is why we do not promise to buy from the list. There have been several times when we have bought something we know someone would like, but which wasn't on the list. DGS got a garden pond liner one year. He is nature mad and the bottom of the garden is his nature reserve. We knew he wanted a pond in it but, at 8, couldn't think of asking for a pond liner. He was over the moon when he realised what we had bought him.

I get where you are coming from Liverbird66 but i can see there point saying things come from Santa. They're the parents you have had your way with your own children.
Yes i understand how you wantto give and see them receive but if you're not careful you could run the risk of not seeing them.
Let them do it there way.

I give presents to family because they like it, but I don't care for myself. Without young children around, it seems pointless.

Before lockdown on Thursday in the next two days I’m going to support all our struggling local shops in our town before they close (still not sure about Dec 2 nd yet??) to buy small gifts to send in the post.We re not all going to see each other at Christmas like we normally do ,we all live too far away there are at least 20 of us and every year we used to meet up at our Mums a few days before Christmas to exchange parcels for Santa to open onChristmas day ,bringing food when Mum became too frail to host it herself . We bought all the children something and just a small gift to unwrap for the adults Sadly we lost Mum this year.She won’t be around to know this can’t be this time .
We ll miss her so much ?
At press DD and SIL and my sister who is in her own for Christmas Day if we re allowed Got to be safe we have a lot to be thankful for .But COVID ?

I give my (adult) children either something they have asked for or sometimes a larger present that they need.
For example one year I gave my DS and DIL a dryer between them for shared birthday and Christmas presents. Some years I give them less - I see no point in buying them "surprise" presents that they really don't want or need.

One of my daughters gives me a list of cosmetics and make-up items that she'd like or we go out shopping for clothes for her. Another daughter is hard up and I usually take her out and buy her clothes she needs such as a coat, boots or shoes, or perhaps a replacement microwave. One son gets some cash and a hamper of nice foodie gifts that he couldn't afford to buy for himself.
I think its important to give them things when they need them, no point giving them a surprise present at Christmas when they really need something expensive in June.

Hi, I am new here but desperate for advice. My son and his partner have two beautiful daughters aged 2 and 7 months. We are now approaching our 3rd Christmas as grandparents to our girls and I feel like I am at war with my son and partner.
They have told us that all gifts are to come from Santa, they will pick up our presents and take them away and Santa will deliver them. I have agreed to a selection of gifts to go to Santa but I have said that we want presents under our tree from us to the girls and we have been told no everything comes from Santa. I just can't let this happen we also have an 8 year old grandson to my older son, how awful would I feel giving him presents whilst my Granddaughters sit and get nothing. They just will not compromise with me and its breaking our hearts.

I would be quite happy with that arrangement, I do not buy gifts for adults anyway.

I agree that it is lovely to have gifts to give and receive to open. I usually give my dd and sil a couple of little gifts and also money, Amazon vouchers or gift experiences and they usually give us little gifts and Gift Experiences. Of course I give my little gd presents but only small things as she gets so much from from other relatives and friends. I also put money in her account. However, we all got quite caught out last year as some of the gift experiences could not be used due to covid. My sil finally managed to book a flight simulator experience we'd bought him but it's in December so will it be cancelled again? Therefore, I will give money instead this year.
I would also warn people not to buy store vouchers just in case the businesses have to close down (God forbid) and they can't be used.

That is lovely optimist, I just delivered a box of goodies to one dd, with cash in envelopes for the dgc and I sent another two large boxes of goodies to my other two AC, I too do not need presents from them, we had that discussion a couple of years ago. I do buy myself a few presents because my husband always spoiled me at christmas, so I open them, have a glass of wine and light a candle for him.

My AC used to spend far too much on me and I too need nothing material from them

Depends on the age of the recipient. I would much rather send money or a giftcard so they can buy just what they want, than waste my money and time on buying presents and then not see them either used or wanted.
Or as my mum used to do- give money and "a little something for them to unwrap on the day" that had usually been shopped for by myself on her behalf during many a lunch hour!
Just say to the relatives that you would be happy to give money, but as you will be on your own, you would still like a little gift to unwrap.

It seems to me this question is all about different personalities. Some love all the excitement of shopping, giving and receiving and the rest of us just don’t.
I consider myself to be kind, thoughtful and generous but absolutely do not enjoy the stress of trying to find the right gift, all the worrying and wrapping, the plastering on of the big smile when you open the umpteenth toiletry, piece of chunky jewellery which you’d never wear or mustard scarf that clashes with grey hair while all the things you’ve chosen and would love to keep may not be wanted by the recipient.
We give a sum of money to each son and family so that the parents can get the children what they want or need, as the grandchildren get older we’ll give it directly to them.
We are still a loving cuddly family, when we were able, but probably more practical than sentimental.
No judgement here, just acceptance of different strokes for different folks.
Do what your heart wants and tell your family you’d love a thoughtful gift or two if it helps you.

I’m delighted that my grandchildren love their post Christmas shopping trip, so, for them, cash is most welcome. It may just be me, but I’m very uncomfortable with the idea of asking or suggesting gifts I would like. I know it’s sensible to avoid wasting money, but we gave up adult gifts long ago, as exchanging vouchers seemed like a bit of a waste of time.
I know, I am a real Scrooge!

I would take the hint and send vouchers or cash. I, too, would prefer to have something I will use and treasure against an unwanted gift that will go to the charity shop or be a recycled gift which I hate doing.

To me the essence of a gift is that it's something the receiver wants. As others have suggested, a small inexpensive gift to open as a surprise on the day as well may work for you. I can understand that opening presents for yourself will enhance the day for you. Give them a list. We do that in my family.
Last year I ordered gifts online and sent them ahead because I had to travel and couldn't carry a lot of presents. My daughter made me a bag of small surprises which I loved, gave me lots of little presents to unwrap and were easy to carry home.

I'm with Monica, we do our best to get wish lists out of everyone, we do that for birthdays too, so if I don't get a Christmas one in time, I can look back at their last birthday one. I like to make presents if I have time, eg sewing a road mat for DGS to use with his cars, his parents are delighted.

I always include a gift receipt with clothes (unless I have made them!) but generally I get it right, and I love watching people unwrap a present I have taken time to source and seeing their faces light up. Only spend about £20 each as we have a large family.

For us, I can't see the point in giving money, three of our four children earn much more than our income, and as the other struggles with gluten and milk allergies, I can make him a selection of things he would find hard to get in the shops, or buy him something to keep him warm.