Christmas and presents

? Why not give money for main gift and then all your close family do a secret Santa for gift of about £ 5-10 ... then everyone is sure of at least one gift to open - and can be a lot of fun finding out what everyone got!

I refuse to give money or vouchers to anyone as I feel the point of a Xmas present is not how much you spend but the fact that you have thought of that person and gifts or a voucher show a lack of thought and effort. I do however ask my family for a few ideas of what they would like each year as I don't want to waste money on things they don't want.
For my elderly parents to be able to give something to me my husband will arrange the purchase (it will be something I have requested) and they are close enough in distance to wrap the present and give it to me over the Xmas holiday . My brother and wife can never be bothered to tell my parents what they want so every year in desperation my parents give them both cash. There is no pleasure at all to my parents in doing this, they are always concerned they are not giving enough money- even though they are and they can never look back and say "do you remember when we got you..."
For adults we have capped the amount spent and some years we have even put this as low as £5 so we are have to be inventive in what we give. We've had years of saying consumables only, or outside presents only. We decide as a group and all have a lot of fun doing this and seeing how others fitted their present into the brief. The limit has now been raised considerably on our parents as we have found that they are reluctant to replace things as they wear out or technology has changed and they don't know where to start so we may as a group buy an ipad or something similar for them. But for nobody should it be about the money.

No SPARKLING you are not being silly.
I think that you should do what you would like to do. Nobody should expect anything from anybody and if they are presented with a gift they should accept it with grace.
Present giving has gone mad anyway often with the true meaning of christmas either forgotten or put in the background.
Good luck and I hope that you have a happy peaceful christmas.

We only ever give to children. We’re all Christians, so we’ve never put emphasis on presents anyway. I personally hate getting them...usually feel embarrassed because I don’t like or want what I’m given, and then just feel bad. Maybe this year, people could give thought to the true meaning of Christmas.

My son has always enjoyed cash or vouchers. I used to buy him small presents as well but he loved going out to buy stuff for himself.
Now he’s older he likes presents best.

When my DC were younger (8 & 10) we had a big family gathering, nephews, nieces, cousins, GPS, etc and a massive present opening amidst lots of laughter, oohs, aaahs and thank yous. When we left for home my youngest girl burst into tears in the car. She wanted to stress that she was grateful for what she had received, but every single present to her had been a token, so nothing to unwrap. Ever since then, and she's 46 now, I have made sure I have wrapped something for her, and, of course, she loved spending the tokens

We are fed up of asking GS for his Christmas present list (“I’m working on it, Nanny!”). Cash would be easier but DH doesn’t think it’s a present! His parents are just as difficult to buy for. We give cash to the stepgrandsons but they are adult now. I am always happy with a book to open on Christmas Day and have a list I add to through the year. What I don’t want is to have people trawling round the shops, scratching their heads on our behalf. And please, Santa, no more shower gel!

You are presuming you will get the same in return which sounds like you haven't been asked/told so how about you say what you would like?

Not the spirit of giving, but our family exchange 'desirable' lists, telling all the others which gifts we will buy. I don't really like doing it this way, but it means that they all get something they like and no money is wasted on straight-to-the-charity-shop gifts,
This year it looks as if we will be ordering everything to be delivered direct to the recipient as we will not be able to meet.

Can you do a mix? With our close family we will spend a small sum on something to open and then a voucher too. All adults now... The small gift might be just a bottle of their favourite shower gel, a "posh" soap or something edible. When the kids were still kids there would be a small toy or book or something their parents said they would like. Obviously this year will depend on whether or not will see them.

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Could they and you do a wish list on one of the online sites like Amazon? We do this and have a limit of £20 a item. I find this works as people get a present to open but know it will be something they want.

You're not being awkward Sparkling. It's nice to have something to open. How about a compromise? Give them money or vouchers, plus a little something to open. And make it clear that you enjoy having gifts to open.
I give my family vouchers plus a couple of presents.
And they know that I like to have presents to open on Christmas morning.
We have agreed to keep it small this year and make a donation to charity as well.

An uncle in our family in his later years used to say don't give me anything unless I can eat or drink it. We used to laugh. Now we adopt the same stance ourselves....

My grandchildren I give cash and a sack of presents (surprises) to unwrap and they love them even now they are growing up. My adult children I give cash and a small sack of surprises too. But then I love buying presents and am told that I am good at getting just the right gifts. I only expect a small present for myself as I am old, have everything I need and prefer to buy and generally I have more money to spare than they do.

I fear that nowhere will be open for them to use book tokens or vouchers this year. Therefore thought I'd get a paperback book per person to wrap and post - to meet the presents-under-the-tree point - then also send a box of chocolates per family and make that do for this year.

Now I'm fretting about the posting.? Our little post office is crowded at the best of times and the nearest town centre post office is miles from any parking. Anyone tried the new Royal Mail parcel collection service? Could be the answer if my old kitchen scales are up to it.

We give presents to the chilren, but among the adults we do Secret Santa. That way everyone gets one decent present. We always do Amazon wish.lists so everyone gets what the would like. And have presents to open. We do still do a few stocking fillers, avoiding plastic rubbish.

We just give to the children too. However, one year, we did something fun for the adults. We all bought our own presents, then we put them in a great big box, and got the kids to pick them out and open them. Then everyone else had to guess who had bought that particular present for themselves. Great fun, and no one was disappointed with what they got!?

I would be wary about gift vouchers unless they are from a major company who are likely to ride out Covid. A voucher from a small business or independent shop may be worthless if they close down because of the virus.

I'm with Monica, we do our best to get wish lists out of everyone, we do that for birthdays too, so if I don't get a Christmas one in time, I can look back at their last birthday one. I like to make presents if I have time, eg sewing a road mat for DGS to use with his cars, his parents are delighted.

I always include a gift receipt with clothes (unless I have made them!) but generally I get it right, and I love watching people unwrap a present I have taken time to source and seeing their faces light up. Only spend about £20 each as we have a large family.

For us, I can't see the point in giving money, three of our four children earn much more than our income, and as the other struggles with gluten and milk allergies, I can make him a selection of things he would find hard to get in the shops, or buy him something to keep him warm.

I would take the hint and send vouchers or cash. I, too, would prefer to have something I will use and treasure against an unwanted gift that will go to the charity shop or be a recycled gift which I hate doing.

To me the essence of a gift is that it's something the receiver wants. As others have suggested, a small inexpensive gift to open as a surprise on the day as well may work for you. I can understand that opening presents for yourself will enhance the day for you. Give them a list. We do that in my family.
Last year I ordered gifts online and sent them ahead because I had to travel and couldn't carry a lot of presents. My daughter made me a bag of small surprises which I loved, gave me lots of little presents to unwrap and were easy to carry home.

I’m delighted that my grandchildren love their post Christmas shopping trip, so, for them, cash is most welcome. It may just be me, but I’m very uncomfortable with the idea of asking or suggesting gifts I would like. I know it’s sensible to avoid wasting money, but we gave up adult gifts long ago, as exchanging vouchers seemed like a bit of a waste of time.
I know, I am a real Scrooge!

It seems to me this question is all about different personalities. Some love all the excitement of shopping, giving and receiving and the rest of us just don’t.
I consider myself to be kind, thoughtful and generous but absolutely do not enjoy the stress of trying to find the right gift, all the worrying and wrapping, the plastering on of the big smile when you open the umpteenth toiletry, piece of chunky jewellery which you’d never wear or mustard scarf that clashes with grey hair while all the things you’ve chosen and would love to keep may not be wanted by the recipient.
We give a sum of money to each son and family so that the parents can get the children what they want or need, as the grandchildren get older we’ll give it directly to them.
We are still a loving cuddly family, when we were able, but probably more practical than sentimental.
No judgement here, just acceptance of different strokes for different folks.
Do what your heart wants and tell your family you’d love a thoughtful gift or two if it helps you.

Depends on the age of the recipient. I would much rather send money or a giftcard so they can buy just what they want, than waste my money and time on buying presents and then not see them either used or wanted.
Or as my mum used to do- give money and "a little something for them to unwrap on the day" that had usually been shopped for by myself on her behalf during many a lunch hour!
Just say to the relatives that you would be happy to give money, but as you will be on your own, you would still like a little gift to unwrap.

That is lovely optimist, I just delivered a box of goodies to one dd, with cash in envelopes for the dgc and I sent another two large boxes of goodies to my other two AC, I too do not need presents from them, we had that discussion a couple of years ago. I do buy myself a few presents because my husband always spoiled me at christmas, so I open them, have a glass of wine and light a candle for him.

My AC used to spend far too much on me and I too need nothing material from them