Heard over the garden fence this summer....

We heard our neighbours having a saucy session with their windows open! But when my grandchildren come they slam them shut. Feel like telling them.

The two children in the garden next door were bored. The little girl said to her brother "Oh Michael, you are lucky. You've got a scab to pick."

Many years ago we were on holiday and popped into a pub for lunch. The lady at the table next to us said to her male companion what are you going to do later, to which he replied "I think I will get my tackle out". We fell about laughing obviously he was talking about fishing tackle, or maybe not?

Behind a teenage Scouse lad in a queue at a pub Carvery - his plate full to the edges with meats and roasties (good lad!) - ‘ay mam, I’ve got no space for me veg’.
?

Overheard in accident and emergency behind the magic curtains. “Now tell me how you managed to get the action mans arm stuck up your nose”

This thread is the best. I've had some sad news today and this has cheered me up no end, especially the one about Neil Armstrong. Thanks Ladies ?

Two references to scouse accents. Honestly! Why us? other accents are funny too!

Lindy, that has made me laugh out loud. Seriously funny@

Dental floss

Sorry, but the Neil Armstrong story is not true, the stpry was started by a stand up comic. In the 90s Neil himself referred to this as a joke.

I do apologise if this is TMI but jyust

Sorry about that, just when typing, a beautiful Persian cat came into my house and starting attacking my lovely Molly.
I had to chase it out and settle her.
It was a very pretty cat but unknown to me.

When I had my first child I was waiting in a cubicle to see the Doctors when I heard them talking. One said to the other " Oh my God that Mrs Smith is here again, she nearly had me on the bed with her last time". And it wasn't me!

I've related this before, so apologies to veteran members.

OH and I had just moved into a small village and he started as a GP in the neighbouring village. I should say that my OH was remarkably skinny.

I was sitting on the bus on my first trip to town when I overheard two ladies in the seat behind discussing the "new young doctor."

"Poor man looks as though he could do with a proper meal. I don't know what his wife can be thinking of."

When I was young and my older siblings were teenagers, we had a neighbour who was a keen gardener, but also given to loud sneezes...a sneeze, a blow of the nose and then he would often shout 'Can any of you come and help me find my eye?' - they would disappear through the hedge and search for his glass eye, which he took out and wrapped in his handkerchief whilst gardening!

I just love the Neil Armstrong one and would love it to be true ?

Two very well turned out ladies having tea in M and S cafe. First one said" I abhor waste ", her friend , nodding violently exclaimed " I agree, there's an awful lot of good meat on a chicken wing".

Oh dear ladies I've not laughed so much since my gran fell off bus.

I used to work in a cafe and one day as I was wandering along wiping tables etc I went by a couple of elderly ladies chatting.... just as one of them said “Of course she couldn’t get to the shotgun so she had to use her tights”!
I just about scrubbed the surface off the next table hoping to, er, overhear the rest of the conversation but they both sat pondering into their tea ?

Poppyann1... or as we used to say in Lancashire “I haven’t laughed so much since granny got her left tit stuck in the mangle” ??

SueEH

Poppyann1... or as we used to say in Lancashire “I haven’t laughed so much since granny got her left tit stuck in the mangle” ??

Gosh I’m from Lancashire and have never heard that!! ??

Well to be honest Carl,it`s a bit like a willy only smaller.
Every time i see my neighbour i chuckle,i try not to but.......

I think Maeve Binchy said about two Irish schoolgirls.One whispered 'Are you a virgin'? the other said 'Oh no,not yet'.

MaryTheBookeeper

Inspired by a funny MN thread about what you heard over the garden fence during lockdown.

I'll start, I heard a corker: 'It's like a thong - only smaller'. I am at what could be smaller than a thong?

What have you heard?

Just a thought, there is a form of underwear called a "string", might it be that that they were referring to?

Although for the life of me I really can't see the point of it!

seadragon

Totallylost

Not sure if this was ever proven, but still makes me laugh

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors’ bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

I really, badly want to believe this!!! In fact I have decided. I will!!

Me too!

Oh Gawd, these are all hilarious!

Here's one overheard on a ramble: You can hold it but you can't lick it.

...referring of course to an ice cream...