Should I meet my mum, 66yrs age and lives alone

I’m sorry I don’t think she is depressed,she just fed up and lonely like a lot of people in lockdown.
Laying on the sofa does not mean she is depressed.

What a earth was your sister thinking of letting her stay over?
Was there manipulation there!

If so she is obviously trying the same with you,hoping your get fed up with her and give in!

Under no circumstances give in,this lockdown is for a reason,
And she is being very selfish expecting you to break it when it’s so serious.

I wouldn’t even meet her for a walk,sorry if I sound harsh,and I no it must be very difficult for you,
My mother in law was taken to a nursing home a few days before lockdown,so the only communication has been by phone. Good luck and let her stamp her feet and have her tantrum x

People are saying Mum is only 66,not 80,etc...I don't see what her age has got to do with anything. You can be lonely and depressed at any age. It sounds as if this lady has become overwhelmed by anxiety and isolation. We have to follow the rules but surely we can be kind about those who are struggling, without demonising them.

There must be some way of allowing Mum to ease her loneliness a little without actual physical contact. A well-distant walk in the park, a conversation through a window or from the garden gate, more chats on Skype... It must be possible to keep the family safe whilst providing Mum with a bit of extra support she clearly needs.

wildswan16 I am surprised you told them to meet up!
That is at present against the law, different households may not meet, you cannot use playgrounds and can only go out for proper exercise.
#stayhomestaysafe

She is putting her short term happiness above the future health of you and your son and husband. Don't be bullied into pleasing her. Difficult, but you have to be the grown up. We are all in the same boat and it is only through us all having a bit of self restraint that we are bringing the death rate down.

Yet again I'm amazed by the harshness and lack of understanding by some people in this group. I'm actually amazed that people still ask questions or voice an opinion at all!
How is meeting her mum on a walk any different to talking to her at the bottom of the drive or garden? She's not going inside the house?
Stays 2m away?
I do that when I go out walking or into the supermarket and yes I might even chat if I see someone I know
People are losing their empathy for others in their own self righteousness.
Everyone is worried, naturally but it's often making people unkind and judgemental.
Only the OP knows her situation the best.

Sounding so cruel but if your Mum normally has no interests and lays about on the sofa why is she finding it so hard with the lockdown? Think you have to be firm and say No to a meet. Would she abide by social distancing if you were able to access and meet in her or your garden provided of course you live nearby and don't have to travel. A definite No otherwise.

Narnia - precisely!! I went for my walk yesterday, practiced sensible social distancing but could still chat to neighbours, local shop assistant, a lady tidying up her front garden. Kindness is so much more important right now. We're all feeling fragile and uncertain. She's your mother. Cut her some slack and find a compromise. As precious poster has said "there but for the grace of God.."

"Previous" but maybe precious too ?

Joyfulnanna (beautiful name, I feel the same)
Exactly! And a few need to familiarise themselves with the updated guidelines too.

I’m sure it’s all been said, but I would tread carefully. We cycle every week to our son and his family, and talk to them from the end of their front garden. A few weeks ago, our youngest grandchild, who is nearly 2, got upset he couldn’t cuddle us. So now we go during his sleep. Is there a chance your child could react like this? We are not ‘needy’, and neither are our son and family, but I get the impression your mother is, and therefore actually going out to see her may cause problems. She may be the one ‘running’ to you! Basically, there is nothing wrong, theoretically, with you talking through the window, or standing 2 metres away, IF everyone is all right, but as it sounds like your mum isn’t feeling the best, as much as you want to care for her, she may not cope with this. It’s safer to stick to social media. The last thing you need is for her to have a meltdown and then run over to cuddle you all. Keep yourselves safe, this won’t go on forever, then afterwards, maybe you can get your mum to have counselling if she still needs it.

No one here can diagnose that the mum is not depressed, equally we can't say that she is depressed, but it does sound as if this is a possibility
OP you obviously can't have her visit but if you live near enough no reason why you couldn't meet 2 m apart for a wall in the park, My daughter visits, but doesn't come into the house and I keep over 2 mapart and sanitise things she touches, if your little lad was there that would not be easy, and you don't want him to be upset, a tantrum is not a sign of trying to control you, it's a sign that your little one has become overwhelmed by his feelings, and needs help to regulate his emotions, the sort of tantrum that much older children and adults can have is a very different thing, [although they can also have an overwhelmed tantrum]a toddler doesn't have a developed enough brain to do that, neuroscience and child development specialists acknowledge that, so just don't listen if anyone tries to tell you out of date stuff like that. Littleun won't understand, so that would be risky, what about using a back carry, IF you think your mum would stay away.
If you think your mum is depressed, that is actually an illness, and she would benefit from medical help, the WHO do consider that dealing with mental health issues is part of dealing with the pandemic. Does your mum see a nurse for any of her health needs, if so maybe letting the nurse know of your worries, might be a good idea, or dropping the doc a note with your worries, if she is on medication she will need reviews, and maybe that might be an opportunity to ask about her wellbeing, or ask age UK for advice, you will not be told of the outcomes of any such intervention though. depression makes life hard, and sometimes to help people have to be a bit proactive help others, and now is not an easy time to do so.
Siblings have their own opinions and do things differently, and you must do what you feel is right, harder with your husband, but we are not living in the 50s and I'm sure that if either of his parents is still alive you'd not be trying to tell him what to do unless it risked you and your child's safety.

Some very harsh comments on here.

What is the harm in having a walk in the park with your mother?
It’s perfectly ok to do that if you keep the correct distance apart.

The walk will do her good mentally and physically.

Some very mean and nasty comments on here !!

No. Absolutely not. I’m not even allowed out - not even for a walk- and live alone with no family. We just have to get on with it. To meet up is to put everyone at risk. Do it once and you’ll be expected to do it again and again.
I’m very concerned she has been to your sister’s and stayed over too.
Your mum has to abide by the rules, and so must you.
If she isn’t coping she needs to seek help and not put this pressure on you. Be kind, be supportive, but be firm.

Rules apart there are some harsh judgmental comments on here. Thank goodness a few, Narnia & joyfulnan to name two, have some heart. I am not advocating breaking rules as bonkers as they are. I don’t see either of my children or grandchildren in the flesh but have loads of virtual contact. Both OP and her mother need our sympathy but a bit of kindness could help. You can’t sort your mothers dependency problem, but you can do your best. Be firm but kind. Your mother is obviously bereft and there is no point blaming her, she will be driven to mental illness at this rate.

If your mother has a mobile get her connected with WhatsApp then you can talk and also see her every day for a live chat. My DiL works for the NHS with CV patients and has now been confirmed with the virus herself, as a family we followed all the govt rules, please- I beg you to follow the guidelines, don't meet family you don't live with.

Why don’t you face time video call her on WhatsApp ? Maybe she just wants to feel connected and needs a visual. My mum is on her own and I can’t visit so I send loads texts , photos, let her share my life as in I’m growing tomatoes and I take photos how much they’ve grown every day , or what I’ve cooked, ask her opinion, involve her. It’s not too much effort but feels like contact. If she’s depressed she probably think everyone else is having a good time except her. I let my mum know it isn’t all fantastic just because I’m not on my own, and I let her know I’m busy sometimes which is why I’m not calling. But I do things mostly on my terms.

Having read the above replies to Cplj's dilemma, I am now convinced Gransnet is no place for me. I joined, hoping I might be able to "chat" with some like-minded people, swap a few ideas and hints on the Grandmother theme and exchange some light-hearted banter. Not at all.
Instead, with a few exceptions I have found vitriol, judgement and unkindness, from reporting one's neighbours to criticising a person's actions or decisions.
Some of the above replies to Cplj actually sickened me. I quote, "Your mother needs counselling"
"Do not acknowledge her."
" Your mother is selfish and toxic."
"She is obviously very controlling."
"A very unhealthy relationship."
" It does sound as though she is depressed."
Perhaps a psychiatrist posted that last one!
Cplj, you asked for some advice and my goodness, did you get it! We need sensitivity and kindness in times of crisis and I find it sadly lacking here.
I sincerely hope you can sort out this dilemma, I really feel for you. I have an elderly Mum who is causing a few headaches for my sister and I and there are days when we don't know where to turn and we both end up in tears on the phone. Granted, she is a lot older than yours and just doesn't get this Coronavirus thing. But she is still our Mum and we would be horrified at some one describing her as toxic or controlling.
I don't know what to advise you as there are so many other factors in this case and you are pulled in so many directions. but I wish you well and hope you can sort things out. I will be thinking about you.
I will not be posting on here again. Clearly, I don't belong.

I understand what you’re saying Boats. I lurked for a while before I took the plunge. Gransnet isn’t like going to a specific group, where you’re all likely to be similar in the way you think and act. It’s a mixture of everybody....across the whole world....and if we all thought and acted the same, it’d be so dull. It can be hard sometimes, when people don’t accept other points of view, or find them hard to digest. You just have to do on here, what you’d do in real life....and just walk away, ignore. Don’t go...just hang around a bit, perhaps go to the more lighthearted threads, although at the moment, they’re probably thin on the ground. I think people are just stressed and worried, and they maybe don’t come across as well because of it. I feel very sad for this lady’s mother, but safety at the moment is paramount. Hope this helps.

Boats, the problem is original posts from people seeking helpful ideas are sometimes not enough to give the whole picture. Compare Gransnet with a counselling session where the client is fortunate if they find a solution to their problem after as much as 50 minutes with a trained counsellor.

The advantage Gransnet has over counselling is the sheer variety of responses, often from older women with real experience of life problems. The original poster seeking help might get unexpected new and helpful ideas. As with any worthwhile discussion forum contributors need to be fairly thick skinned because it's not face to face and we cannot see the body language and facial expressions of others so responses accordingly may be muted when appropriate.

I agree with boats on that one.

I'd meet her alone. Maybe park in some lot, even in the evening when hubby can watch your kid. You can both keep your distance and see her without making your kid upset.

Get in touch with the NHS/RVS volunteer scheme, one of their tasks is to call people to make sure they are alright and if they have any concerns or needs that they can help with. I am a volunteer to make phone calls, but as yet not been given any task. Your mother's GP could refer her to the scheme also.

How very sad for all concerned.
There6care ways you can see your mother at the same time keeping safe.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.