Mothers Day

How about being 'The big person' here and volunteering to move your mother's day to Saturday? It sometimes feels a bit uncomfortable when old rituals change and the apron strings become much looser. People are resistant to change but the fact that your daughter is trying to do something the day before Mother's day makes it very clear that she loves you very much.

Goodness.....it's just a day. What does it matter when it's celebrated or if it is at all? Be thankful and grateful that you have two daughters and that they have children. I also have two daughters and grandchildren, and if they are happy and healthy that's all that matters to me.... not whether we get together on Mother's Day or not.

Am i the only one who can see both sides here?apparently so?i understand what others are saying,and that you shouldnt make them feel 'beholden' to you,over the IVF money,and im sure you dont,but also i see why youre smarting a little,as you also want to see your DD happy as a mum,with her special baby,on her first mothers day! And why shouldnt you!-even if its only for a little half hour visit on their way to the lunch to take some lovely photos? So youl all have a treasured memorable photo of the day on your wall etc? And why has she not rung and mentioned it yet? Is she ever going to,or just not bother showing up on mothers day& leave it to her sister to 'do the dirty work' of letting you down? (Good job she mentioned it then) i see why its a very special day for your daughter,but i also dont see why your SiL didnt see it as a great day for all of you to 'have a special lunch' out together to celebrate you all having new baby& being mums,etc even the kids& husbands,ALL together.if hes so caring.?

I think your daughter is relying on the strength of your relationship and love - feeling that she can do this special thing with her husband and baby now she is a mother for the first time. She surely loves you - the exact day you see her is not the issue. She is in a way giving you a vote of confidence in your relationship by wanting to do this - and we do have to emotionally let our children live their own lives when they are grown up. The fewer expectations we have from them, the freer, more open and happier our relationships with our adult children become. We raised them to have their own, we hope, happy lives. I hope you can enjoy Mother's day in this spirit.

I agree with the majority I’m afraid. I guess the responses here might be upsetting for you. I hope they are not. That instead, you can think it through and realise that what your daughter and son-in-law want to do is perfectly reasonable. Enjoy Saturday with them and be glad that your daughter has a caring husband.

I understand as the new baby is special to you too,but maybe they could just 'call in' before their lunch to give you your cards& gift or whatever you usually receive,and let you take a memorable photo of you all together? Then they can go off to lunch? Sounds like a good compromise? (I hear others saying your SiL is caring,but maybe he could have cared enough to ring you and suggest you ALL went out for lunch together,to help celebrate the first mums day with the new baby?) Hes put your DD in the position of having to choose,not you,yes i can see other posters seeing hes a good man etc,but hes also manipulated her into this,just to keep them both to himself,(after all babys not going to remember it?) & what about his own mum? Does he not have one? If not he wont understand why its special to you either..yes i have DD's,and DiL and they do often do things with their own kids on mothers day,but im sometimes included( we dont live near) and their kids are not new babies,you would have thought the SiL would be wanting to also include you,even a little bit,in their day,as a thanks for helping make it possible to have their special child,and let you see baby too!!

Did you lend them the money for IVF? If so they will pay it back no more needs said.
If you gave them the money you should have done so with good grace and never mentioned it again. I hope you don't intend to upcast it every time you don't get your own way or you will look and sound like a spoilt toddler!

I think it is lovely that he wants to celebrate her new motherhood. I would be pleased that she has such a good marriage with a caring man.
Could you meet her for brunch, or just have a telephone chat on the day and see her on the Saturday.
There is a time to step aside, and this is it.

be proud that your daughter is a mother... after all she taken you out every other mothers day. now its her turn.maybe she can take you out your birthday.

We always celebrate mother’s day on the Saturday or midweek. I cannot bear the two hour slots when dining out, and it will be crowded everywhere.
I am with your daughter on this one, it is her first Mothering Sunday, and a very special one too. My daughter and I see each other briefly, I always give her flowers, and then she goes out with her partner and son.
My sons? Well, it all depends on if they remember.
That’s life.xx

I do find this post very strange as surely love is unconditional and you shouldn't think you can buy it.
So nice to see everyone in agreement with what they say in the responses. I only hope the OP takes notice and doesn't turn into a demanding and controlling GM who thinks she is "owed". A quick rethink on her part is required or she will find she loses her daughter and her grandchild.

I am fortunate in that since my daughters have become mums themselves we now have a joint Mother’s Day celebration but if they did decide to do their own thing then I would happily see them on the Saturday instead?

I think you should be extremely grateful you have daughters. I have 2 sons both with children and my DILs only consider their mothers which is fine as remembering me is my sons' responsibility not theirs. I doubt I will even get a card on Mothers Day from either of them as they only think of me when they want something sadly. I never received Christmas cards from them either and if I want to see my dear GC I have to do ALL the running they never visit me unless I beg for it which is very upsetting and unfair on their children too.
When I was married to their father if it wasn't for me his Mum would have been forgotten but I did everything like that for 'our' parents. I try not to be upset that I thought of everyone but they dont bother with me but that's life and I'm a firm believer in 'we make time for those who are important to us'. My mother-in-law always expected to come first with her son and I just went along mostly to keep the peace. So you are very blessed for what you have .. dont spoil it!!

My daughter always spends Mother’s Day with her husband and son. They visit their mums (me and mil) either side of Mother’s Day.

Ceitdh : Do not feel any animosity towards your daughter because of Mothers Day. Perhaps you did pay for the IVF
in that case do not say I have given her everything look at it from another perspective you have been able to bless her with the most precious gift you could give her and not only has she got a child but you have another grand-child so let her have every happiness she deserves for her day and you can still go out with your other daughter and grand-child and have lunch. It is not the end of the world some of us do not even get a Mothers Day card from ours.

Ceitdh, l too think that you are being very selfish, especially as this is your daughters first chance to celebrate Motyers day as a Mum herself, and even more special for her and her new little family given tye difficulties she must have gone through to become a Mother in the first place.

Just because you paid for treatment to bring your precious Grandchild into this world does not give you the rights of control and ownership over your daughter and her new little family and her choice not to put you first in everything she decides to do.
Your turn will come maybe when Grandparents day arrives, they might decide to hold a small celebration then and invite you and the other set of Grandparents along too. If you upset tgem now by being so awkward about Mothers Day, you risk loosing out on so much more in the future if you upset them enough to excude you from their lives for good, no amount of money given can ever gaurantee to buy you happiness.

Did you always spend Mothers’ day with your own mother?

Life changes. Your daughter is now a mum, her child will always be first but that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you just because she is not with you on Mother's Day.
It's the same at Christmas, families change. My sister-in-law was so upset if all of her children did not see her on Christmas Day. She accused me of not understanding when I told her that just because my daughters did not see me on the Christmas Day, it did not mean that they did not love me any less nor I loved them any less.

Sorry you’re upset, but your children’s lives are their own. I’m sure they love you, and they have offered to see you, but don’t be resentful they want to be a little family together this time.

I’m lucky if I get a card from DS1, but I know he loves me.
I don’t expect ds1 or 2 at Christmas or Easter either. They can spend it as they choose. I’m lucky to have them, and they keep in touch.

Sorry, but paying for IVF was surely freely given by you. Be glad it worked for them.

This makes me cross. The OP should not be so selfish. Her daughter is a new mum and deserves to be treated. I would never ever be awkward when it comes to family. I'm just glad if they can spend time with me.

Your daughter has been through IVF so she and her DH obviously were desperate for a child, now they finally have one and of course the first Mother's Day is a very special one. OF COURSE they want to celebrate the occasion together, you should only feel happiness for them. Yes, you are being selfish.

I think OP will have got the message now! My own mother is still alive in her 90's so she is my priority on Mother's Day. If either of my AC wish to see me on Mothering Sunday, that is a bonus but since they have had their own families I have dropped all expectations of them choosing to spend time with me - that way, if they do, it is a bonus but I cannot be disappointed. To be fair, we do see plenty of each other all year round so perhaps not so difficult for me. Give them wings to fly and they are more likely to come back because they want to rather than feeling they have to. Hope you enjoy the day, whoever you spend it with.

You are being a drama queen. You are seeing your daughter on another day near the actual day. I’m glad my mother was not like you. I did the same as your daughter when I became a mother,

Its her first mother's day with her child and she wants to celebrate it her way.

Great of you to have helped with their IVF but it doesnt confer you any "rights"

Agree with the others. I'm afraid when our own children have partners, home and children of their own, we go down the ladder of their priorities. This whether we have been caring and loving parents and whether we have been able to help them in any way including financially. It's life.