Mothers Day

Ceitdh, l too think that you are being very selfish, especially as this is your daughters first chance to celebrate Motyers day as a Mum herself, and even more special for her and her new little family given tye difficulties she must have gone through to become a Mother in the first place.

Just because you paid for treatment to bring your precious Grandchild into this world does not give you the rights of control and ownership over your daughter and her new little family and her choice not to put you first in everything she decides to do.
Your turn will come maybe when Grandparents day arrives, they might decide to hold a small celebration then and invite you and the other set of Grandparents along too. If you upset tgem now by being so awkward about Mothers Day, you risk loosing out on so much more in the future if you upset them enough to excude you from their lives for good, no amount of money given can ever gaurantee to buy you happiness.

Ceitdh : Do not feel any animosity towards your daughter because of Mothers Day. Perhaps you did pay for the IVF
in that case do not say I have given her everything look at it from another perspective you have been able to bless her with the most precious gift you could give her and not only has she got a child but you have another grand-child so let her have every happiness she deserves for her day and you can still go out with your other daughter and grand-child and have lunch. It is not the end of the world some of us do not even get a Mothers Day card from ours.

My daughter always spends Mother’s Day with her husband and son. They visit their mums (me and mil) either side of Mother’s Day.

I think you should be extremely grateful you have daughters. I have 2 sons both with children and my DILs only consider their mothers which is fine as remembering me is my sons' responsibility not theirs. I doubt I will even get a card on Mothers Day from either of them as they only think of me when they want something sadly. I never received Christmas cards from them either and if I want to see my dear GC I have to do ALL the running they never visit me unless I beg for it which is very upsetting and unfair on their children too.
When I was married to their father if it wasn't for me his Mum would have been forgotten but I did everything like that for 'our' parents. I try not to be upset that I thought of everyone but they dont bother with me but that's life and I'm a firm believer in 'we make time for those who are important to us'. My mother-in-law always expected to come first with her son and I just went along mostly to keep the peace. So you are very blessed for what you have .. dont spoil it!!

I am fortunate in that since my daughters have become mums themselves we now have a joint Mother’s Day celebration but if they did decide to do their own thing then I would happily see them on the Saturday instead?

I do find this post very strange as surely love is unconditional and you shouldn't think you can buy it.
So nice to see everyone in agreement with what they say in the responses. I only hope the OP takes notice and doesn't turn into a demanding and controlling GM who thinks she is "owed". A quick rethink on her part is required or she will find she loses her daughter and her grandchild.

We always celebrate mother’s day on the Saturday or midweek. I cannot bear the two hour slots when dining out, and it will be crowded everywhere.
I am with your daughter on this one, it is her first Mothering Sunday, and a very special one too. My daughter and I see each other briefly, I always give her flowers, and then she goes out with her partner and son.
My sons? Well, it all depends on if they remember.
That’s life.xx

be proud that your daughter is a mother... after all she taken you out every other mothers day. now its her turn.maybe she can take you out your birthday.

I think it is lovely that he wants to celebrate her new motherhood. I would be pleased that she has such a good marriage with a caring man.
Could you meet her for brunch, or just have a telephone chat on the day and see her on the Saturday.
There is a time to step aside, and this is it.

Did you lend them the money for IVF? If so they will pay it back no more needs said.
If you gave them the money you should have done so with good grace and never mentioned it again. I hope you don't intend to upcast it every time you don't get your own way or you will look and sound like a spoilt toddler!

I understand as the new baby is special to you too,but maybe they could just 'call in' before their lunch to give you your cards& gift or whatever you usually receive,and let you take a memorable photo of you all together? Then they can go off to lunch? Sounds like a good compromise? (I hear others saying your SiL is caring,but maybe he could have cared enough to ring you and suggest you ALL went out for lunch together,to help celebrate the first mums day with the new baby?) Hes put your DD in the position of having to choose,not you,yes i can see other posters seeing hes a good man etc,but hes also manipulated her into this,just to keep them both to himself,(after all babys not going to remember it?) & what about his own mum? Does he not have one? If not he wont understand why its special to you either..yes i have DD's,and DiL and they do often do things with their own kids on mothers day,but im sometimes included( we dont live near) and their kids are not new babies,you would have thought the SiL would be wanting to also include you,even a little bit,in their day,as a thanks for helping make it possible to have their special child,and let you see baby too!!

I agree with the majority I’m afraid. I guess the responses here might be upsetting for you. I hope they are not. That instead, you can think it through and realise that what your daughter and son-in-law want to do is perfectly reasonable. Enjoy Saturday with them and be glad that your daughter has a caring husband.

I think your daughter is relying on the strength of your relationship and love - feeling that she can do this special thing with her husband and baby now she is a mother for the first time. She surely loves you - the exact day you see her is not the issue. She is in a way giving you a vote of confidence in your relationship by wanting to do this - and we do have to emotionally let our children live their own lives when they are grown up. The fewer expectations we have from them, the freer, more open and happier our relationships with our adult children become. We raised them to have their own, we hope, happy lives. I hope you can enjoy Mother's day in this spirit.

Am i the only one who can see both sides here?apparently so?i understand what others are saying,and that you shouldnt make them feel 'beholden' to you,over the IVF money,and im sure you dont,but also i see why youre smarting a little,as you also want to see your DD happy as a mum,with her special baby,on her first mothers day! And why shouldnt you!-even if its only for a little half hour visit on their way to the lunch to take some lovely photos? So youl all have a treasured memorable photo of the day on your wall etc? And why has she not rung and mentioned it yet? Is she ever going to,or just not bother showing up on mothers day& leave it to her sister to 'do the dirty work' of letting you down? (Good job she mentioned it then) i see why its a very special day for your daughter,but i also dont see why your SiL didnt see it as a great day for all of you to 'have a special lunch' out together to celebrate you all having new baby& being mums,etc even the kids& husbands,ALL together.if hes so caring.?

Goodness.....it's just a day. What does it matter when it's celebrated or if it is at all? Be thankful and grateful that you have two daughters and that they have children. I also have two daughters and grandchildren, and if they are happy and healthy that's all that matters to me.... not whether we get together on Mother's Day or not.

How about being 'The big person' here and volunteering to move your mother's day to Saturday? It sometimes feels a bit uncomfortable when old rituals change and the apron strings become much looser. People are resistant to change but the fact that your daughter is trying to do something the day before Mother's day makes it very clear that she loves you very much.

Why mention that you paid for the IVF??
Be happy you have a new grandchild and that your daughter is now a mum!

A bit selfish expecting you to be priority over your DD who is now a mother. You have been priority but dynamics change and your DD takes precedence with her own family now.

Ceitdh, you are probably feeling quite battered here after the very strong views. I think, in some ways, your feeling are perfectly valid although the IVF comment probably makes it sound like you feel you bought and paid for their loyalty. I think the disappointment you feel is upsetting, especially if it is the first thing time this has happened. How you handle it is the key. Most of us feel a pang of upset when things change and we have to move on so that is where you are at. The reasonable thing to do is to be gracious about it because the alternative is to sour relations. Even if your daughter gives in and spends the time with you, it isn't what she wants to do so what is the point in that? Better to be with someone who actually wants to be with you on another day.
I have a son whose MIL died so everything is very low key because it is so painful for his wife. I don't always see my daughter but I know that what is written in her card is heartfelt because she just wouldn't buy a card that said something she didn't mean. It is one of those few times of the year I am recognised for the mother she thinks I am albeit by stealth! My youngest is away at Uni so I might get a text message if he sobers up long enough! Does it change the way I feel about them or they about me? Nope, and the plus side is that I get to spend some time again with my Mum who has been rather in the background for the 35 years my kids have been with me. Incidentally, she paid for my ICSI for the last born and whilst I was very grateful, it was irritating when she trumped it out to try to get me into line.
Finally, now my children treat me the same as I treated her, she is beginning to understand that it was never an intended slight, just a lack of being able to be in 2 places at once. Sadly, it doesn't look like it won't be long before she can't remember who I am let alone whether it is a special day.

sounds like she owes you then god forbid she spend time with her child on mothers day as what seems like a much wanted child and her husband wants to treat her for becoming a mum , my daughter has just had her first baby and they are goung to spend the day together im so happy for them to be able to celebrate together . dont be so selfish its not all about you and please dont make her ferl like it is

Ceitdh - you're not thinking sensibly here - you want your children to be with you on Mother's Day but your daughter has now become a mother herself and her husband, quite rightly, wants to celebrate her status as a mother to their new child. You are definitely being unreasonable - it seems more than that - it seems selfish as you want her to be celebrated as a mother on the day beforehand, so you're actually downgrading her status as a mum in favour of yours - you need to accept this change otherwise you may find you see much less of this daughter and her family.

If i was the daughter,id want to at least go visit my mum with my new baby on the way to lunch out just for a bit as usual,to share my very special first mums day with her too or i would not be able to enjoy my lunch- ì dont understand it- or maybe her hubbys vetoed her popping in, in case she invites everyone to join them and his plans to keep them to himself are scuppered?i can see why next year might be different as child will be bit bigger,and they can go out& do more as a family,but why the daughter does not want to share a small part of this special 'first' with her mum& sister i dont understand sorry.

Ceitdh. Let het go with her husband, she's a new mum he wants to treat her. Go with her another day. It doesn't bother me as long as I get a card. I'd r rather be taken out on another day, less expensive.

I would have been so excited(as the DD) id have rung my mum straightaway and said im going to a special lunch,but ''ill call in to see you on the way dont worry''- would have been added,and then NO one would be worried they were being let down,and everyone would see i was celebrating my mum status,but also not forgetting i have a mum too.-does her husband think now shes a mother,she doesnt need her own mum? Hes not given her chance to make her own mind up? Hes said,oh we're doing this instead this year?! I will wager his own mum is not around? My own adult children are not all near to me,but always send gifts/ cards,and we get together if we can,(including my sons) as most have families and my youngest DD works wkends,but its not for them not wanting to,its just circumstances,and yes sometimes we share mothers day,sometimes we dont,but its not because its someone elses descision.

It's your daughters mother's day too and I really do not see that we as mother's have a right to expect treatment that we are not allowing them. Since my GC were born I haven't seen my son on the day, it's DILs day and he puts her first as I would expect him too. I would rather see them another day that suits everyone than force them to call in or include me and cause resentment. I would only be upset if they didn't want yo arrange anything at all.