hugging

We are not talking about 'all and sundry' though, Margs - but a DIL away from her hugging family and friends - a long way from home.

Why do you need to apologise? You have said it quite clearly you are not from a family of huggers.
Maybe she is ok with the fact that you are you and you are different from her own family. Different doesn't mean horrible or rude. We are all different.

I'm a hugger, but my husband isn't, he backs away from hugs.( nor from me) thankfully)

I would try to develop a habit of hugging her, son and children if/when there are any, but no need to extend it outside of family. I can’t bear to be hugged by people other than family, the same with cheek kissing, it has no meaning so why do it and risk catching the ‘flu?

In my family we have been huggers,and nowadays everyone seems to do it instead of a handshake.We were invited to friend last week they are NOT huggers they had another couple there who we know, they are new neighbours,I was dumstruck and embarrased when my Husband gave this new neigbour a huge hug, then after that he said lets have one more, she didnt object but I would have said"I think thats enough"

Do whatever feels natural for you. If you feel comfortable with hugging, go ahead.
When I met my son's partner for the first time, I hugged first him and then her. It just seemed the right thing to do.

My shake is firm, warm and meaningful with full eye contact
Kim Same here! Even a 2-handed hand clasp if things start to get serious. Hugging is a no-no especially if I can't get both arms round her.
I've come to recognise body-language when somebody is about to launch a hug and (worse,) a kiss, especially the full-on wet one on the lips!. Then I turn into a Niles Crane and quietly remove the debris as soon as poss.
OoRoo

I am not a hugger of anyone other than family.

My DH family are not huggers. I once said to him, quietly, as we were leaving his DM house....'Give her a hug'. He did
She rang me later in tears saying that it was the first hug she had had since her DH had died.
She thanked me somehow knowing that because I was a hugger he had followed suit.
My DM isn't a huggy person...Thank goodness my DF was.

Just explain to her what you have said here and tell her that doesn’t mean you don’t care about her. I am sure she will understand - my late MIL was not a tactile woman but I know she thought the world of me!

I came from a non hugging family and I have learned to give and receive hugs. Try it.

There was a bit of a hugging "movement" a few years ago when folk would wonder around the streets with placards saying "Free Hugs", and would be hugging complete strangers. Does anyone else remember it? I first came across it in Holland.

Greeneyedgirl I wrote this on a previous GN thread about the subject:
One of the most moving experiences I ever had was sharing a hug. I'd gone down to the seafront with a church group wearing a T-shirt with the logo 'Free Hugs' on it and offering hugs to passersby. One very elderly gentleman told me the exact date he'd last received a hug from anyone, it was many years ago and was from his wife on the day she died. Another very elderly woman told me she didn't think she had ever been hugged, not even as a child and wasn't sure she would like it. She did though!

I didn't come from a family of huggers either as mum ran off off with the Bagwash Man (weekly laundry delivery/collection) when I was 6 and dad brought me and my brother up back in the early 1960's. Unusual then. However, I married a very tactile man and since then, I can't stop hugging! I was once told by one of my daughter's friends that I could sell my hugs as they are so nice

Personally, our family aren’t huggers either and I find it awkward and intrusive unless it’s a natural thing between husband or children. I don’t see why people who don’t like it should be forced into it. I let it be known I don’t go for enforced hugging and now everyone at work or in wider meetings make a joke of it, or hug without touching saying, for eg, ‘I know you don’t like it, but here’s a distance hug. There can be many reasons for not liking these enforced hugs and no reason why you should feel obliged in my view.

That is very interesting grannyactivist so perhaps it is worthwhile reviving?
There must be so many people who may live alone and never even touch another person.
I think touch can be very therapeutic, if we can get over the embarrassment, if it doesn't come naturally, as it doesn't for me.

I will accept hugs from people who want to give them, but only instigate hugs with people I really like. You will get used to hugging your Dil.

This might be a bit off topic, but at our last OBE club meeting a discussion centred around whether the term "girl friend" is now considered sexist and not PC and now replaced by "partner"!? Some argue the latter implies sleeping together; but I remember " sleeping partner" which wasn't taken literally! and definitely didn't involve hugging!

Does hugging make you uncomfortable? If so, don't hug.

Explain to your DIL that your family are not huggers. If you are comfortable hugging her and being hugged by her tell her that it is easier for you if she hugs you than the other way around,

I have people I hug and people I don't amongst my friends and relations.

Do whatever makes you both comfortable, but you do need to talk to her about this, otherwise you risk her thinking you dislike her.

I love the greeting of friends and acquaintances when we go to our Spanish holiday home. It serms so welcoming to be kissed on both cheeks and the males in the family to receive a strong pat on the back and strong handshake. I hug my AC and best friends when we meet. There are people I dont want to hug so I don't. Best hugs are from gc though usually accompanied with a sloppy/dribbly kiss

I'm not a hugger

Some people I know are huggers

So I do my best

jura2 ...where does the OP say her dil is foreign and a long way from home and missing her family?
I must have missed that piece of info as it does colour the thread differently!

I grew up with a Mum who visibly flinched if I tried to hug her and she never hugged us either. I made a real effort when I had children myself to make sure hugs were exchanged but I did find it difficult to get used to my Mum in law who was a frequent hugger I have always hugged my grandchildren - less as they beome teenagers though, they do still give hugs sometimes! It is really difficult when you are not from a hugging family so I know what the OP means - just try to remember and perhaps ask them to offer a hug if you forget!

It's a dilemma really. My family never hugged but I'm now the biggest hugger there is.... but you need to respect people's boundaries. Not everyone likes being hugged, especially those on the autistic spectrum.

I don’t feel comfortable if an adult hugs me as a greeting. Just a hello or goodbye is sufficient for me.