rude or not

The point is the ungrateful way the message was phrased. It was very rude and ungrateful. In any case, why did the granddaughter not message the grandma herself? We were always taught to be thankful whether we liked what we were given or not. Phrases like "how very kind of you" spring to mind. If someone has taken the time and trouble to buy you a present a simple thank you goes a very long way whether or not you like what you are given

Your daughter has been rude to you.....and your granddaughter has clearly not been brought up to be polite either. I would tell both that such a selfish attitude is likely to ensure no further gifts. Did they buy you nice gifts?

I have made the mistake of trying to choose a suitable gift for my teenage Grandaughters in the past. I often splashed out on a fairly good quality make up box containing all the essentials, or a bottle of leading brand Perfume. Little did l realise that these gifts were often passed on unused as the Colours were not trendy enough, or the Perfume smelled very ‘grannyfied’!

I now give them the cash to spend as they please, which they prefare. It’s rare however that l get a written Thankyou note’ in return, although the older two did send me a Thankyou text for their Christmas money this year. With 12 Grandchildren and 4 Great Grandchilden, plus 4 Daughters to buy for Christmas is very expensive for me, on average l give away around £800, plus my Daughters Birthday money as she was a Christmas baby too.

Absolutely rude and as a Mum and Nan completely unacceptable, if you don’t like your gift you say nothing, thank the giver and shrug your shoulders and accept that someone tried even though it’s not what you would have chosen. I have had a few unwelcome gifts but the person who chose them tried to be thoughtful, it’s not worth making someone sad over something that is easy to ignore and let go.

Why are people calling the grandchild a madam and ungrateful, it was the mother that messaged the grandmother .

Maybe the mother considered it a waste if the PJs were not going to be worn and wanted to change them.

If the grandmother did not know they were not suitable she may have gone on buying more of the same.

When I was a young teenager, my elderly auntie used to give me Christmas presents that were unused, but had obviously been at the bottom of her drawer for years eg cream crocheted lace gloves(!) for an extremely trendy teenager, or ancient books she had had in her Victorian youth ( probably worth a mint now!) I always wrote a polite thank-you letter, with gritted teeth, but the last straw was when I received a pair of lisle stockings(remember them?) my thank-you letter that time included a tactful plea not to send me any more gifts!

Must say that whilst g.children are of Primary school age I send them presents, so they have the excitement of getting parcel and unpacking it. WHatever I buy, even for these young ones are done so in consultation with their parents. For those g.children who are 11 years or older, I usually give them money so they can buy whatever it is they want or else save the money. Would never dream of choosing anything, clothes or toy that was not actually on their wish lists. By the age of 15 yrs, they are really not just 'fussy' but need to have their clothes that they can show to their friends. Silly to waste money buying something to YOUR taste, probably not to theirs. Their Mum was truthful, probably not the best way of letting you know, but better than encouraging them to tell lies to you.

I think it's unfair of people to say don't get her anything next year or give her £10 because it's the daughter and not the granddaughter who messaged to say the GD didn't like them.
Personally I think it depends how it was done. If OP asked DD if the GD liked them then it's not rude to be honest and say they were not to her taste. Also if she said something like thank you very much for DDs Pj's but they are not quite to her taste so I don't think she will weat them would it be OK if we changed them?
That way the OP won't but similar PJs in future and waste her money.
Having said that I have worn things I don't really like because they were presents but I'm not a teenager.

We never buy things without asking what our GC would like for Xmas, simply because we don’t want them not to like the present, I do feel for you though you bought what you thought she would like, sadly she didn’t appreciate it, I would just give cash next time,

I forgot!
I am surprised how many people lies to others regarding their feelings about the present (saying they loved it while it was the opposite)

My grammar sucks today. Apologies.

My kids starting showing preferences in their likes when they were 1.5 years old. I followed their cues for buying anything f they needed, even checking with them if they liked the item. It builds their decision skills.

Was the daughter rude? I don't know. There is not enough information in the original post. The only clue is that they don't have a good relationship.
We also don't know how the fb message was phrased and how it was sent

The daughter was rude if it was the present that it was requested from the OP.

Otherwise, there are so many parameters we are unaware of to make a determination.

The presents are given for the pleasure and happiness of the receiver, not the giver.

I think people are ruder these days as regards gifts, although personality should be taken into account.
My late husband always said thank you for his gifts, no matter if his taste hadn't been taken into account.
His older brother (by four years) OTOH made a point of saying out loud if he was unhappy with them. How so? They were brought up by the same parents. BIL was spoiled and egotistical, what we call a 'mardy-britches' and very materialistic. He does himself no favours.

Riggie your post about the transparent nightie really made me chuckle

Well to be fair it just says a facebook message. Doesnt specify whether it was a private message via messanger or a message on a post..

Probably the first but the OP hasnt clarified so we can only guess at how tactful or tactless the DD may have been about it..

theoddbird the mother didn’t put it on fb she sent the grand mother a fb message that is quite different, a fb message is seen by no one except the recipient it’s like a private message is on here so no different to a text or an email it’s a private message
I agree it was not handled well but maybe she was asking for the receipt so she could change them or just letting the grand mum know she wouldn’t be seeing the granddaughter wearing the items We weren’t there to read how it was said it may not have been written in a rude manner we just don’t know
I think it was very naive to think that the original poster knew what a 15 year old would wear without asking advice or better still taking the girl out for a trip to choose her own things that’s what I do with the ones that live nearby and money in a card for the ones that live away Once they are past the age of about 8 they need to chooses they own items of clothing or clearly tell you what they like
It’s nothing to do with being fussy everyone’s taste is very different and teenagers have their own ideas which change regularly
Put it behind you but make sure next year you get full on agreement of what to get so you don’t waste your money and disappoint

I personally think it was very rude - but I also think giving some teens cash is a worry as some would spend it on fags, booze or worse, as have seen it happen!

However, I am very careful about presents and throughout the year if I see something I know someone would like I would get it and store it until Christmas etc (if I could afford it that is!) I once got a voucher off a very good friend and just felt no thought whatsoever had gone in it - as I can't use 'smellies' and she knew that but bought me a voucher from Boots, I ended up buying sanitary wear with it! (very useful but hardly a gift, lol) This year she has got it right and a trip to the garden centre is in the offing!

My DD does not have a good relationship with her father, and rarely sees him - but every year he spends a lot of money on one present, it has usually been nice boots etc Last year they got her a very beautiful FCUK jumper which cost over £100, but it has been hung up in the wardrobe ever since as it has a cowl neck and she just cannot wear anything by her neck as it irritates her - what a waste! Roll on this Christmas and what appears is a lavendar coloured (she would never wear that colour!) up to the neck Ralph Lauren hoodie - BUT as they haven't actually seen her since last Christmas Eve, it is too small! Another waste of money! Why don't they just put the receipt in, or send a voucher? They just do not know her well enough to buy her anything, never mind clothes! We will get around to putting them both on Facebook/ebay at some point, money for a hair cut would have been more useful - it's terribly sad ....

It is not what you say, its the way that you say it. Whenever I buy clothes, even when I know I am buying the right item, I always keep the till slip and sometimes include it in a sealed envelope with the gift, so if it isn't suitable/doesn't fit, it can be exchanged.

I have only been in OP's situation once, when DGD was 4. I bought her a pair of warm winter boots. She took one look at them and refused to try them on saying 'I don't like grey'. Her mother was suitably embarrassed. I changed them for a pink pair that were graciously accepted!

Surprisingly, since then, I have had my finger on the pulse of her taste and the sweater and boots bought this year, were worn almost continuously for the whole of her week's visit.

I have a great idea. The kids don’t like the presents, so we all give each other money.
Why not save the heartache, time and money.
All we really do now is swap monies from one persons bank to another.
The spirit of Christmas has been lost.
Send an e-card. No money, no presents.
?

Thats was out of order. The 15 year old madam should have contacted you and said thanks for the present but quite my style is it possible for me to change them.

I reckon you should have a word your daughter, tell her madam is now older enough to contact you herself otherwise no more presents.

By the way, my GS at 15 was horrible so much so that on hid birthday in October I gave him a card with a letter inside saying how I felt, that I was totally feuds with his rudeness and attitude to me that I did not feel like giving him a present. I hope that next year will be better, and it was.

How rude,, even if madam didnt like the present, your Daughter didnt have to tell you.The fifteen year old should be very grateful, how wrong can pyjamas be for heaven sake.The spoilt youngster may be grateful for a gift voucher next year,if you bother giving her a Christmas present!

For next time just don't bother with anything. Tell your DD you do not wish to offend the young upstart so no gift. Some people do need to learn some manners, Facebook, that was terrible.

It sure is a sign of the times Crazyfam, I know just what you mean and I feel for you.

I can imagine you are hurt. I have a 16 year old granddaughter and I would never buy her clothes unless I knew it was what she wanted - she is always grateful and would never say she didn’t like it but I’d hate to buy her something she didn’t like. So now she lets me know - and it’s a lot less stress on me wondering if she would like it

After this year I’m not going to buy clothes for my dgds aged 4 yrs and 6yrs. I have been asked to send back 3 out of 5 items I sent for ( velvet bomber jacket, leggings and a December birthday sweat shirt). I’ll just get a refund and give dil the money.

I’ll save money next year not buying clothes at all. They’ve got enough anyway, it’s just a pleasure for me buying them.

I’ve also spent love and time knitting (fashionable) things for them, but I never see them wearing them, so that’s going too.

On another note, spent a long time sewing a dolly with dress and bloomers for youngest one’s birthday. When she unwrapped it she didn’t know what it was! ?.
A bit embarrassing though, with dil’s family there with rather fantastic presses.....